Please Help,

[xLulie]

I know this seems pretty pathetic, putting this up here. But i have honestly ran out of idea's of what to do, as my friends don't seem to be trying to help me. I have this pretty bad problem with my boyfriend, this is how it started:

He moved away about 5 months ago now, things were absolutly perfect before and i started finding it hard not seeing him all of the time. He still visited me and things were amazing, but when he stopped trying to see me and started to become quite distant, i started to become depressed and wasn't myself anymore. He noticed this, and hated how i was depressed and was always complaining that i wasn't myself anymore, but i couldn't help but feel like crap. I try to be strong, but missing him and not seeing him makes me weaker. I get upset a lot, and i do get annoyed at him. But It's only in the past month that things have gotten so bad and hard, he got a job and now can't really see me anymore which has put a bad strain on us both. And we were talking the other night, and he said to me "I just don't give a s**t anymore," which made me miserable, i phoned him last night, asking what we should do.. He said "I just think of you more as a friend than a girlfriend, it's awful and it's making me miserable.." which set me off, i was sobbing. He still wants to stay together, and he wants us to become perfect again, which is a good thing.. but now i don't know what i can do to help us become perfect.. i'm texting him and calling him to tell him how much i do love him and that i'm myself again.. but i don't know. I know he cares and is going to try too, because he was crying down the phone to me last night saying that he still loved me and cared for me more than anyone in the world. I can't help but feel miserable just now. My friends are telling me to just leave him, but they just don't understand that neither i or him have any intentions of breaking up. He's the best thing in my life, losing him would just be the end of the world in my opinion..

Can anyone give me advice on what to do? How can i show that i'm myself again and how can i make things perfect with us again?.. i really need help. This is a last resort for help, because nobody else seems to give me proper advice. I want good advice, not crap advice telling me to leave him.. If anyone was to help me, they really would be saving my life.

Lulu ~

 

[Kiradalia]

Hey there! You know, I'm actually in the same boat as you with the "not able to be around the one I love" bit. My boyfriend joined the Navy once we graduated high school. And go figure, he happened to pick the Naval program that would keep him the longest- five years.

However, before he left, it had been acknowledged by the both of us that this had to happen and there wasn't much we could really do about it. By encountering this obstacle and accepting it, our relationship was able to avoid becoming strained by it. We think about each other when we're apart and delight (or at least I certainly do) in seeing each other when we can. And to be honest, the both of us are happy just having that.

I think it would do wonders for your predicament if the both of you quit stressing about how far apart you are from each other and just accepted it as what life has dealt you. Once you've done that, then you both can move forward in your relationship! heart  

[Kiradalia]

Oh hey. Also, about the feelings you two have for each other in general...I must say that it's pretty special that the two of you are still determined to make this work. Nice! Still, I think the both of you just need to take a deep breath and relax. You both sound like you're so scared of losing each other that you're actually PUSHING EACH OTHER AWAY.

See, the reason I say that is because of your comment:

"when he stopped trying to see me and started to become quite distant, i started to become depressed and wasn't myself anymore."
Then your boyfriend responded in a negative way...

"He noticed this, and hated how i was depressed and was always complaining that i wasn't myself anymore"

This makes me feel the need to reaffirm my advice to you.
Both of you just need to take a deep breath and relax. Don't be overly conscious of your separation, but don't forget about each other. Find the happy middle and do what you can to reach it, okay?  

[xLulie]

Thanks, alot smile
Things seem to be getting better for us, but it still feels as though it's just me that's trying to see him as much as i can. Like today for example, he was supposed to come over, but he phoned saying he can't, i got a bit upset but he said he'll phone later and talk to me. It just seems like he can go without seeing me for so long when i hate even going more than a week without him,

How did you deal with your boyfriend being away? I think thats what i'm having trouble doing. I dont' have that many friends, and i don't really have much activities to do. Plus, spending time with others just isn't the same as spending time with him, so i just don't like seeing other people.. stupid, i know. =/  

[Kiradalia]

Sorry, but I guess I've got a lot to share... sweatdrop

How do I deal with my boyfriend being away? Well, first off, I take a lot of comfort in talking or texting with him when I can. I know I won't be able to talk to him every day or even every time I'd need to, but...well, I just accept that and deal. After all, missing him doesn't get ME anywhere, right? So, I resigned myself to accept that I'll only see my boyfriend a handful of times a year for...well, a while. I'm a big girl. I can take it. At least he's not dead and I'll never see him again, right? No matter how bad life gets, it could always be worse. That's important to keep in mind, don't you think? 3nodding

The main way I pass time waiting for my guy to come home is...well, messing around on the internet and learning Japanese (I’m really not active at all, either). That, and chilling with some pals. I will agree that hanging out with others isn't quite like spending time with my boyfriend, but it really doesn't hurt to be around other people. Friends are oddly helpful, even when you're lonely about your special someone. That also is very important to not forget. At least, in my opinion...

But if it ever starts really getting me down, I do open up and confide my anxiety in a buddy if I just feel totally lost. That does WONDERS, let me tell you. Just getting it off your chest and venting when you need to vent can turn your entire mood around. Look, this might go without saying, but I've been told that I'm a great person to vent to. wink What I trying to say is that if you ever want to talk about this and share the loads of worries you’ve got, I'm right here and waiting. We're comrades, missing the people we love and all! We’ve got to look out for each other!

Oh hey! One more thing! The big thing that keeps me from faltering is (and I'm really attributing my peace of mind to this) to not focus on the fact that I'm alone for the time being. Mainly because I'm NOT ALONE. I have my boyfriend, who- even though he's far away- is still just that- my boyfriend. It's not like we're not together because we're...err...apart...Does that make sense? We're still very special to each other, even if we can't see one another. And then I also have a few close friends that are there for me when I need them. I'm not alone and it's not fair to the people I spend time with for me to think otherwise. People care about me, so what right do I have to forget all about them and cry over my missing boyfriend?
I'm stronger than that and I’m not about to let anyone show me otherwise! If you’re going to love someone who you can’t always be with, you have got to be strong and you've got to have guts! It’s lonely, but if you really love that person, it’s worth it! Am I right?