I don't know anymore

[Sup3r_Bwahaha]

I'm posting it here because no one will look here... and I've posted a lot of... negative threads out in the main forum.

I used to want a laptop and a webcam for my birthday, but now, not so much. It's because I want to be with the people whom I loved who have passed away. My cat went missing, and I want to be with her too, though I know that I won't because they're gone. I miss them a lot, and I wish I could let them know I love them. Y0ur4n63l on deviantart died last year, and I never talked to him or thanked him for asking me why I stopped going to the chatroom we go to. He was a pretty nice guy, but I didn't give him the time of day. If only I had let him know I appreciated him, I would know he knew I did.

I wish I could be with them all. I wish to die. My heart is aching, knowing that our time together has ended. I want to hug each and everyone of them like old times. I want to tell them I love them. I want to talk and laugh with them again, something that a laptop is unable to give me.

I have thought of killing myself, but I promised someone I wouldn't. I really want to die. Lluckily, my desire to die is not great enough to where I don't care about pain.

Sure, I could try and get help, but I have no money, and I wouldn't have moral support from my family either.

I wish I could just implode myself painlessly, erasing myself from existence. It's not like I contributed much anyways, so it doesn't really matter. I am not cared much by my parents, and I think the only reason why my mom doesn't want me dead is because they'll possibly lose money.

I don't know anymore. I wish to die on my birthday. I want to reunite with those I loved and passed on. I have longed to hear my cat meow once more, and to hear her pur as I pet her. I have been told that I have held on greatly, but that was probably just a ploy to make me miserable.

I don't know anymore.  

[Zphal]

It sucks that you feel that way, bro. *hugs*  

[Sup3r_Bwahaha]

Zphal

It sucks that you feel that way, bro. *hugs*

~hugs~ I didn't think anyone would see this thread. Still, happy to know someone cares. I'm sorry I made you put up with my crap. I really do think my friend is right about seeking help, but I can't... especially if I have no way to get help. I'd be yelled at for seeking help as well, and I can't live by myself because I'm scared of the dark. I have asked some friends if I could move in with them, but they said no. Don't blame them though because they live in a full house or they still live with their parents, or they live in someone else's house that doesn't allow people to stay over.  

[Zphal]

Boris_Badenov

Zphal

It sucks that you feel that way, bro. *hugs*

~hugs~ I didn't think anyone would see this thread. Still, happy to know someone cares. I'm sorry I made you put up with my crap. I really do think my friend is right about seeking help, but I can't... especially if I have no way to get help. I'd be yelled at for seeking help as well, and I can't live by myself because I'm scared of the dark. I have asked some friends if I could move in with them, but they said no. Don't blame them though because they live in a full house or they still live with their parents, or they live in someone else's house that doesn't allow people to stay over.

No health insurance? In many cases, health insurance will cover psychologist visits.  

[Sup3r_Bwahaha]

Zphal

Boris_Badenov

Zphal

It sucks that you feel that way, bro. *hugs*

~hugs~ I didn't think anyone would see this thread. Still, happy to know someone cares. I'm sorry I made you put up with my crap. I really do think my friend is right about seeking help, but I can't... especially if I have no way to get help. I'd be yelled at for seeking help as well, and I can't live by myself because I'm scared of the dark. I have asked some friends if I could move in with them, but they said no. Don't blame them though because they live in a full house or they still live with their parents, or they live in someone else's house that doesn't allow people to stay over.

No health insurance? In many cases, health insurance will cover psychologist visits.

Even if the visit was covered, I'd still have no way to get there. When I do get paid, most of my money would be spent on bills, and the bus fare... I'd have to save a lot of money just to guarantee that I could get to the place and back, but since I'm also paying for food, it will take a while. What will I say to my parents when they find out I had requested a day off to see a psychologist? They won't be thrilled about it, and even if I told them, they would get pissed off at me for even saying I need to see one. My mom would probably tell me to pray instead of seeing one.  

[GLJordan]

I sympathies with your problem. is there perhaps a religious figure you could talk to?  

[B1g_crunch]

If you're really that in need of a ride, ask your parents.
I know you said last time that you thought they'd think you were being selfish, but if they care about you at all they'll help you get the help you need.

You really can't keep going like this; one way or another you need professional help to get things sorted out emotionally. Insurance should cover the visits, at least mostly. Tell your parents or any friends that live nearby who could drive you that you need a lift.  

[Sup3r_Bwahaha]

GLJordan

I sympathies with your problem. is there perhaps a religious figure you could talk to?

That's a good idea. Perhaps if I told my old pastor about how I'm feeling, she'll tell my mom and somehow get her to take me to a psychologist, but then again, my mom would probably not even do anything even after talking to the pastor (when I say old, I mean she used to be the pastor of the church I used to go to.

How'd you find this thread?

B1g_crunch

I suppose that I could tell my parents to take me, and if they say no, I stab myself in an attempt tp kill myself. If I should somehow live, and asked why I did it, I say "My parents aren't letting me see a psychiatrist!" and then the police/child agency (forgot what they're really called) come and take my baby brother away... only problem is... my insurance only lets me stay in a hospital for two days.

Can't really stab myself then.

My parents don't really care about me. They know my sister threatened my life, but she's still here. I told them I was leaving because they were allowing her to stay at the house. They even know she put a knife up to my neck at one time, but they haven't done anything.

When I was off to the police, my mom was sad because they were going to lose the baby. They didn't care that I was hurt. They didn't care that I had a job and helped pay the bills. No, they just care about everyone else other than me. Yes, my sister also has a job, but using that as an excuse is a no-no.


I regret having ever bought my mom a mothers day gift.  

[B1g_crunch]

Boris_Badenov

GLJordan

I sympathies with your problem. is there perhaps a religious figure you could talk to?

That's a good idea. Perhaps if I told my old pastor about how I'm feeling, she'll tell my mom and somehow get her to take me to a psychologist, but then again, my mom would probably not even do anything even after talking to the pastor (when I say old, I mean she used to be the pastor of the church I used to go to.

How'd you find this thread?

B1g_crunch

I suppose that I could tell my parents to take me, and if they say no, I stab myself in an attempt tp kill myself. If I should somehow live, and asked why I did it, I say "My parents aren't letting me see a psychiatrist!" and then the police/child agency (forgot what they're really called) come and take my baby brother away... only problem is... my insurance only lets me stay in a hospital for two days.

Can't really stab myself then.

My parents don't really care about me. They know my sister threatened my life, but she's still here. I told them I was leaving because they were allowing her to stay at the house. They even know she put a knife up to my neck at one time, but they haven't done anything.

When I was off to the police, my mom was sad because they were going to lose the baby. They didn't care that I was hurt. They didn't care that I had a job and helped pay the bills. No, they just care about everyone else other than me. Yes, my sister also has a job, but using that as an excuse is a no-no.


I regret having ever bought my mom a mothers day gift.

Even if they refuse, don't stab yourself or anyone else. You can't go and hurt anyone (especially yourself) even if you're being ignored. Try to get them to take you to a psychiatrist, and if that doesn't work find literally anyone else who can help (coworkers, authorities, etc.).  

[Sup3r_Bwahaha]

B1g_crunch

Boris_Badenov

GLJordan

I sympathies with your problem. is there perhaps a religious figure you could talk to?

That's a good idea. Perhaps if I told my old pastor about how I'm feeling, she'll tell my mom and somehow get her to take me to a psychologist, but then again, my mom would probably not even do anything even after talking to the pastor (when I say old, I mean she used to be the pastor of the church I used to go to.

How'd you find this thread?

B1g_crunch

I suppose that I could tell my parents to take me, and if they say no, I stab myself in an attempt tp kill myself. If I should somehow live, and asked why I did it, I say "My parents aren't letting me see a psychiatrist!" and then the police/child agency (forgot what they're really called) come and take my baby brother away... only problem is... my insurance only lets me stay in a hospital for two days.

Can't really stab myself then.

My parents don't really care about me. They know my sister threatened my life, but she's still here. I told them I was leaving because they were allowing her to stay at the house. They even know she put a knife up to my neck at one time, but they haven't done anything.

When I was off to the police, my mom was sad because they were going to lose the baby. They didn't care that I was hurt. They didn't care that I had a job and helped pay the bills. No, they just care about everyone else other than me. Yes, my sister also has a job, but using that as an excuse is a no-no.


I regret having ever bought my mom a mothers day gift.

Even if they refuse, don't stab yourself or anyone else. You can't go and hurt anyone (especially yourself) even if you're being ignored. Try to get them to take you to a psychiatrist, and if that doesn't work find literally anyone else who can help (coworkers, authorities, etc.).

I doubt the authorities would take me, but I do have a number of a coworker. Friends live too far. Yes, I'll see if a coworker will be able to take me. I'll just need money.  

[GLJordan]

Boris_Badenov

GLJordan

I sympathies with your problem. is there perhaps a religious figure you could talk to?

That's a good idea. Perhaps if I told my old pastor about how I'm feeling, she'll tell my mom and somehow get her to take me to a psychologist, but then again, my mom would probably not even do anything even after talking to the pastor (when I say old, I mean she used to be the pastor of the church I used to go to.

How'd you find this thread?

same way I find most threads basically looked at what was new. your pastor might be able to help you in ways you don't even know.  

[Sup3r_Bwahaha]

GLJordan

Boris_Badenov

GLJordan

I sympathies with your problem. is there perhaps a religious figure you could talk to?

That's a good idea. Perhaps if I told my old pastor about how I'm feeling, she'll tell my mom and somehow get her to take me to a psychologist, but then again, my mom would probably not even do anything even after talking to the pastor (when I say old, I mean she used to be the pastor of the church I used to go to.

How'd you find this thread?

same way I find most threads basically looked at what was new. your pastor might be able to help you in ways you don't even know.

I suppose... I called a psychologist, but they weren't in, and they haven't returned my call.