Disfunctional Family

[Tempus_Glacia]

Ok, I'm new, but I'm gonna give this a shot anyway.

As you may have guessed, I have serious family issues. Now, take into consideration that I'm 20 years old, but don't judge me too harshly on that fact once I've said what I'm going to say.

I cannot, for the life of me, get along with my father (yes, he is my real dad) for more then a couple days at a time. Its gotten so bad, that I've been more or less living with my fiance` just to escape home.

I've been coming home, however, because I need computer time, and because I have a 4-year-old brother whom I do not wish to endure the wrath of my dad.

Now, to start things off, I have this serious issue with driving. ALL but 2 of my friends have died because of cars, whether they were driving them, or simply riding, and there for I have this MAJOR driving phobia. Well, my parents cannot for the life of me understand this fact and think I don't wanna drive because I'm lazy...

Second, I live in Nowhere Oklahoma, and unless you live in a big city around here, its really hard to get a job. I've been TRYING, however, so don't think I'm some mooching bum xP but they still nag.

My dad has even called me (to my face!) and Evil Lazy Worthless little B----. I asked him one time why he hated me so much, and that was his answer, and he reminds me (constantly...) that I'm lazy and worthless.

I HAVE had a job since I got out of Highschool (2004!) in fact, I've had 3 jobs, and the man has not worked since before we moved from California to Oklahoma...which was nearly 6 years ago.

...and my mom, you can't depend on her to back me up either. She's at work all the time (one of them has to be I suppose...) and when she IS home, she's always spending time with my brother. She's been promising me a Mother/Daughter day for OVER a year and we STILL haven't done anything. They (being my mom, dad, and brother) even went on vacation not too long ago and told me I couldn't go 'cause I didn't have the money to. I was still 19 and living entirely at home at the time too.

And this coming weekend they're going to Kansas to see my favorit uncle (who's very sick) and told me I get to house sit while they go.

So all in all, there you have my immediate family...I have no idea why I posted about them, but I did...I don't even really know if this has anything to do with what's talked about in this Forum, but uh....my bad if it's not? Anyway, that's my life, so if I seem a little messed up at times, you'll all know why ^_^;  

[[.Cho.]]

Well it sounds like your Father is quite the character.
But, this is what I see from it... You say your Father dosen't ahve a job and hasen't for 6 years. He might be in a slump in his life [Mans mid-life crisis]
and with him not having a job and everything it is probaly all adding up and making him unhappy.
Now, either he is taking it out on you because you are the only adult home.[Since your mother is away at work]
OR
He is worried that you might be unhappy as well, since you don't have a job and he might htink that you are also in a slump, or is worried that you will end up in a slump because you aren't working.
Maybe you should try being really nice to your Dad and being really helpful around the house... Then maybe he will see you aren't lazy[which you obviously aren't] and that you are happy. As well.. maybe make it obvious you are checking out jobs... like open the newspaper infront of him.. WAIT! Don't do that... cuase if he is in a slump about his job he might think you are making fun of him or being disdainful... So..scratch that...

Also, they might be leaving you to home sit because they want you to know the responsibilities of watching a house and taking care of things on your own, since you are getting of the age to move out sooner or later.


I think... that's all my thoughts on it.. I don't know if it'll hep you cope er anything... but yeahh..
I'm sorry to hear that..

 

[[.Cho.]]

OH!
By the way; Welcome to the guild.
I'm Cho pleasure. ^^

 

[watermelon_slice]

Wow. Family problems are always tough because they're all you've got. I'm very religous and sorry if your not, but God gave you the family you have for a reason. It may be so unpleasant right now, but in the future your family's problems could cause you to achive great things. I know it's not much help, but there's never anything wrong with a little encouragement.  

[turkish gnome]

If i were u i proably would have kicked my dads a** a loooonnng time ago... next time ur dad calls u lazy say hes a F---ing lazy a$$ who hasnt had a job in like 6 years...or thats what i would do but its probably not the best advice.  

[Tempus_Glacia]

Thanks for the welcome xD and it's nice to meet you, I'm Glacia

As far as making things obvious, helping around the house, and having experience with watching the house goes, I CLEAN this house constantly when I'm here (it's two stories and I clean both floors AND my brother's play room) I take care of all the animals, and do everything he asks me to do with little to no protest.

Job wise? I asked him to help keep an eye on the phone for my interviews and such, so if that's not obvious enough I dunno what is...

House experience? I've been independent/taking care of myself and the house since I was eight (when both my parents WERE working) so I do it all with absolitely no problems, and I don't even really live at home anymore, so the getting read to move out thing is out...

With the religious thing? I know I was given my family for a reason, if I didn't have them, I wouldn't be who I am today or HOW I am today, its just hard to deal with...

Kick his a$$ wha? O_o; he hasn't hit me in forever, and the last time he did it was the ONLY time I swung back. He's a LOT bigger then me...  

[Izhe]

i say get ur brother out of there and go live with ur fiance'. well u cant because its kidnapping. ummm. wow. u r stuck. im sorry i dont now what for u to do  

[V For V]

There is seldom an easy escape. I have a rather subpar family myself and I can tell you that venting on forums like this is usually your best option.  

[Kawaiinu]

I find it really helps to vent, but you need to set limits. Just omit any violence, except in self defence, and do whatever works for you. Just make sure that you can do well on your own too, and don't be clingy to any sort of "self help" kind of things.
Also, I believe that a person is shaped by their experiences, and that no-one should be punished because of anything that happens to them.
See if you can sit down one on one with your dad sometime (sorry if you've already tried this. It's helped me alot during my parents' very loud divorce, which is still in progress) and tell him why you do some of the things that bug him, and ask him to justify why the (language pardon, if you please) bloody hell that you needed to justify that to him and whatever you think you need to get around to. Also make sure to ask him some things too, if you want to. If he starts yelling, then yell all you want back, just make sure to show him an "anti-doormat" display, and get it trought to him that this bugs you.
I really hope that helps, and if it doesn't I'm very sorry. I wish you all of the best luck on this issue. heart Good luck!  

[Tempus_Glacia]

I have definitely been shaped by my problems, let me tell you. Things get rocky, and horrid, then they calm down, but I'm doing all I can...I've been running back and forth between home and my fiance`'s house to keep things cooled down...but it all went to cred (erm...Al Bhed...FFS addiction...) and I was gone for a while, but I'm back now!

Thank you all for being so supportive, it really does help a lot to vent, especially when people will actually listen, support, and help <333