One of my best friends has a major self problem

[The Stupidest Angel]

The situation's a bit more complicated than what the title says but I'll give the condensed version for your eyes' sake.


My best neutral guy friend has some self esteem issues. That explains itself right? I've known him since I was in 2nd grade and he's like a big brother to me. But he's developed a major crush on me as of late while I have a boyfriend on the other side of the country (another long story).Even if it weren't for my boyfriend I really have no interest in him. He's a great guy but I know we wouldn't be a good couple.
But basically, he's depressed because he "can't find anyone in this stupid area of the country." He's tired of finding great girls online who live very far away and I'm very worried for him. He's just...giving up. I keep telling him that he doesn't HAVE to have a girlfriend but he won't listen. "I'm tired of being alone," he says.
Grrr, is there anything I can do to console him without losing my boyfriend or sanity?  

[Sotur]

Well, in my opinion, he needs to understand that being in a relationship isn't necessary. If he's made it this far without a girlfriend, what's the hurry of getting one now? I have a boyfriend, and maybe for that he would think I can't have an opinion on this whole "being alone issue", but I think I can. See, before my current boyfriend, I didn't have anyone, NEVER DID! In fact, I got together with my boyfriend a little after I began college, age 17. So....yeah. Being in a relationship is not needed. The only need for it would be social standard, and not even that, because this thought is self-imposed thanks to society itself bitching about relationships and all. But one can fair just as well without a partner, friends are enough. On that department, that crush on you may simply be him trying to get someone, ANYONE, and since you've known eachother for so long, who better than you? Anyway, my suggestion is: try to make him understand that pushing things and simply "looking like crazy for a girlfriend" doesn't work except for getting him depressed and s**t. He better than anyone should know that, since he IS going through it xp  

[Tarrien]

Being single doesn't mean anything. There are plenty of attractive people who are single, and plenty of not so fortunate in appearance with a boyfriend or girlfriend.

He'll find someone around his area that likes him and he likes back some day... maybe not tomorrow but one day... The ironic thing is... It'll probrably be when he's not expecting it. Just tell him to relax, he's still has plenty of time to find someone. It's not like he's 40...

He seems to be unable to comprehend that the feeling of being wanted doesn't come from having a girlfriend alone... it comes from having a girlfriend who enjoys having him around.... Tis better to be alone then to enter a relationship where one or both of the people in it isn't all that interested and is just in it to be in a relationship.

EDIT: That crush on you as said could be from Sotur might be a way to just find someone...  

[IKurando]

he's gotten himself into the mindset many guys are in, myself once included. my guess is that he thinks being single isn't ok, and one has to have a girlfriend to survive. well, he seems a heck of a lot smarter than most guys who fall into this trap, because he wants to be with someone who he really enjoys, and not any old person. but still you have to get it into his head that being single is perfectly fine. some people prefer it. if it's not that, well, you're gonna have to explain why you won't be a good couple, and that you really like him as a friend, and if you go out, when you break up, you won't be friends anymore, in all likelyhood (I do have friends who stayed friends after breadking up, but it took a while before things stopped being awkward). say you wanna keep him as a friend for a while longer.

a mouthful, I know, but it's all true to most guys.

K  

[evasive_warrior]

I agree with the poster above me.

And just to add to what has already been said. I think you should be direct and tell him that you don't like him like that. It might hurt him, yes..but it's better then going out with him and possibly giving him a pity date. I mean, that's much worse right?

I kind of have the mindset that I need someone in my life but I could manage. Some people like being single and some don't. I myself don't like being single because it feels rather empty but in his case this might be the best solution.  

[Spikin]

Yeah....I can see that he'd be upset if people close to him were rubbing him being single in his face, like my parents did....Then I could see why he wants a GF, but this to me doesn't sound like he wants one just to have one. Sounds more like he wants someone to call his, to say I love you and be loved. He's lonely in that sence but he doesn't sound desperate. I could be wrong, maybe I didn't read it right but that's just how I'm seeing it.  

[Heavyarms195]

cool,
I disagree with everyone. ^^; (unless I misread someone's statement... ^.^ )



anyway, I think he is already aware that being single isn't a bad thing. he doesn't need anybody to tell him that, because he already knows and has heard it all before.
he wants you to listen, and to understand what he's going through.

to put it more bluntly, he wants you to close your mouth, and let him talk, and show that you can see where he's coming from.

if you do this, be careful though: this type of stuff can bring people much closer together romantically, meaning he might crush on you even more, and your feelings for him might change as well...


alternatively, you can find someone who you think would be good with, and who wants to be with him and have her do it. ^^
it might help with his self esteem issues a bit because he's getting it out of his system.


===
but then again, that's just me talking with my mouth closed...  

[Dangerboy3]

I say just in my personal opinion, so dont take anything out on me but just give up. He's heard your opinion and has chosen not to listen so you probably shouldnt keep talking to closed ears. I say you should continue with life like it was before he got like that and enjoy yourself. If he doesnt want to listen to your advise, then he doesnt need to hear it since he turned it down. just what I would do, not saying this because of anything else.