So I have this friend... [Resolved]

[!GreenEnigma!]

.: I have this friend that I've known since first grade. We know each other, and live really close to each other. But I'm starting to think that maybe something's wrong. Why? Read the list:

<> She curses a lot [above average cursing, or more. It doesn't seem normal.]
<> She says she is unable to produce tears
<> She says that she doesn't love anyone
<> She acts all tough, saying "I sent a guy to jail when I was six" and other stories like that
<> She's trying to be gothic
<> She likes fighting...a lot
<> She's always talking about killing people and blood
<> She says she's not scared of anything
<> She says she'll beat anyone up
<> She hardly goes outside; based on the visits I've paid to her home, she has fighting games, and plays video games all day, always in her room, door closed, light off

I don't know, but maybe I haven't been a good enough friend? Or she's just trying to act tough to impress people? So, what should I do, in a situation like this? :.

 

[Ayllin]

.. Well I have a friend who is similar, although I haven't known her as long. I think the best thing to do would be to give her space, but don't ignore her. Hang out with her and treat her like a friend. People change, it happens, but no one likes to be treated differently (especially in a negative way) when they change. Let her know you care, and that you aren't going to abandon her just because she has changed. Maybe ask if you can play the video games with her or try and get her to come to your house or to a movie or whatever. If she's talking about blood and gore and violence, just try and change the subject. Sometimes people like that are trying to get attension. Give her that attension and maybe it won't be so bad.

I can't garuntee it'll work, but I hope my advice helps 3nodding  

[Tarrien]

Has she been hanging around people that are like that? They could be influencing her...

Could just be a phase.

Or she could just really enjoy blood and gore, hard as it is to believe.... some people really do like that stuff...

Watch her... Don't get in her face about it or be too terribly obvious... but make sure she doesn't do anything stupid...  

[!GreenEnigma!]

.: Yeah, she hasn't hung out around people like that. And she just likes it. I don't know why.

But thanks for the advice 3nodding :.

 

[Spikin]

I bet...Not my life on this, but I bet it's becuase she's trying to impress someone.  

[!GreenEnigma!]

Hmm...Maybe. She's always saying that she can do karate around one of my friends [that's a guy] that's two belts away from black...She says she doesn't like him, but I think that that sounds logical.

 

[Sotur]

from all of that it seems to me she IS trying to impress someone, needless to say get attention. be it that guys' attention, or someone else's. perhaps she's also looking for acceptance. i think we all do that in our own little ways, and maybe that's her way of trying to be accepted, as weird as it may seem. furthermore, ur being a bad friend here isn't really an option, let alone opinion. the fact that u r worrying about her certainly states u r a good friend, not to mention her ways of being are completely out of ur hands. it's her choice to be the way she is, and has nuthing to do with ur influence upon her as a friend. lastly, i agree with evrything that has been said above. changing subjects is certainly a good idea, needless to say don't let her do anything stupid. so, yeah, hope evrything works out for ya 3nodding  

[Nammu]

maybe she's sperimenting, ya know, difrent ways of living.
maybe she's changing cause people told her to.
or maybe se IS trying to impress that friend.
Or just wants attetion...
Most times, people change to impress someone or attetion... You just be for her, she's your friend and ask her if you can doe anything for he, be a friend.

Quote:

<> She curses a lot [above average cursing, or more. It doesn't seem normal.]

I cant say anythign here, cause I curse a lot xD ^^;

Quote:

<> She says she is unable to produce tears

Thas the mos stupid thing in the world, Im stuborn to cry, but when i cant take it no more, i cry all I can... She's just stuborn to cry

Quote:

<> She says that she doesn't love anyone

Yeah she does. cause if she tell you all fo this, she loves you (As a friend) I dont tell my secrets to anyone, i tell them to my friends, cause I love them. so, thas another lie..

Quote:

<> She acts all tough, saying "I sent a guy to jail when I was six" and other stories like that

trying to get attetion... Give it to her, but dont spoil her, after she said her stuff, tell her stuff like "well yeah, is send a chick to jail YESTERDAY! HA!!" Lol... you get me XD

Quote:

<> She's trying to be gothic

Lol! No, she's not trying anything, She, is what we call, been emo... NOTHING to doe with goth.

Quote:

<> She likes fighting...a lot

Umm, well, I like wrestling, and idk... Just acting tough... but when she get into the point to fight, she'll get scared and run away...

Quote:

<> She's always talking about killing people and blood

Emo... Not goth... tell her that... She'll stop talking abut it.

Quote:

<> She says she's not scared of anything

Everyone is scared of something. to the smalest thing to a big fat snake...

Quote:

<> She says she'll beat anyone up

Hmmm... Trying to be tough... Nothing dif there...

Quote:

<> She hardly goes outside; based on the visits I've paid to her home, she has fighting games, and plays video games all day, always in her room, door closed, light off

She's goin trew something, and its bad, she needs help, talk to her parents, she will hate you for that, but if she does get help one day she's goin to say "thank you for been there for me"

I hope something there helped... ANd good luck, but if you cant doe anything, be there for her, be her friend.  

[VJ Ronnie]

Ok, I have this friend who told me something weird. She usually almost falls for some of her pals. sweatdrop But then, she suddenly notices this guy who she knows ever since they were in 6th grade. And then she couldn't get him off her mind during the holidays. question What does that mean? Is she falling for him? heart What should she do? I'm really concerned about her.  

[little_moon_girl]

<> She curses a lot [above average cursing, or more. It doesn't seem normal.]: i do this to sometimes. it helps get my anger out.

<> She says she is unable to produce tears: shes probably lying. she probably cries when no one is watching.

<> She says that she doesn't love anyone: i dout that. i really dout that.

<> She acts all tough, saying "I sent a guy to jail when I was six" and other stories like that: she must be lying so she seems tough.

<> She's trying to be gothic: let her go goth. it won't do much.

<> She likes fighting...a lot: so do i. it help get more anger out. maby you should get a punching bag for her or something so she doen't hurt anyone.

<> She's always talking about killing people and blood: it probably makes her feel better.

<> She says she's not scared of anything: thats a lye and you know it. everyone is scared of something. she might be one of thoughs people who are scared to talk about there feelings.

<> She says she'll beat anyone up: i really don't think thats true.

<> She hardly goes outside; based on the visits I've paid to her home, she has fighting games, and plays video games all day, always in her room, door closed, light off : she must not be one of thoughs " happy sunshine" people. i say let her play her video games. but not all day. when you go to her house ofer to go outside ok.  

[Tarrien]

VJ Ronnie

Ok, I have this friend who told me something weird. She usually almost falls for some of her pals. sweatdrop But then, she suddenly notices this guy who she knows ever since they were in 6th grade. And then she couldn't get him off her mind during the holidays. question What does that mean? Is she falling for him? heart What should she do? I'm really concerned about her.

It sounds like a crush to me... She should probrably see if he feels the same... If he doesn't feel the same, she can just move on to someone else by the way she sounds.

PS: Please post this in another topic next time  

[Angel80272]

To answer your last question first... from the information you gave in this topic, I see that you are both genuinely worried for her and you are a true friend to her. You care enough for her wellbeing to ask for help when you run out of answers. The worst thing you can do is avoid her right now... she wants attention even if she says she doesn't. Don't smother her though; just let her constantly know that you are there for her if she needs you.

Everything on that list is nothing more than a cry for attention as so many have already pointed out. Please note: this will not be a pleasant list to read! Some of these remedies are things that only a worst-case scenario warrants (see "Not scared" remedy for what I'm talking about here) and even then, if done improperly they could easily do nothing at all or worsen the situation. I can, however, guarantee that they will work when done properly. I have used them all on good friends of mine that had problems, and they work. The largest hurdle that you have to face is actually setting your mind into a mode that realizes that sometimes you can't be walking on eggshells around the people close to you. If nothing less than a train wreck will snap them out of it, you may have to be that train wreck.

<> She curses a lot [above average cursing, or more. It doesn't seem normal.]
Lots of people believe that cursing makes them seem "cooler" than they are, so she curses for the reactions people make. Negative reactions bring attention just as much as positive ones do. All you have to do is not respond at all to her cursing. If it stops getting reactions, she'll lighten up.

<> She says she is unable to produce tears.
Nobody is unable to produce tears. Unless she had hear tear ducts removed, it's a lie and another cry for attention. She wants to act tough to impress people. Make her realize that it's all right to cry once in a while - tell her that you will always be there if she needs someone to lean on.

<> She says that she doesn't love anyone.
If she really does talk big around that one guy that's almost a black belt, she might actually feel something for him and therefore feels the need to impress him. Find out if he likes her and find out if she really does like him. I'm sure you know what it's like to be shy when talking about potential crushes and you know her better than most, so you will be able to tell how she really feels about the issue. If she does like him and he likes her, set them up with each other. I don't think I need to give you any ideas on how to do that... right?

<> She acts all tough, saying "I sent a guy to jail when I was six" and other stories like that.
Exaggerated tales like that make the teller look braver or badder than they really are. I honestly can't see a 6-year-old sending someone to jail unless he tried to do something to her first and got caught. Try getting her to tell the whole story to you. If she is reluctant, call her bluff. Just make sure that you do this after establishing that you are only trying to help by dealing with other issues first.

<> She's trying to be gothic.
<> She hardly goes outside; based on the visits I've paid to her home, she has fighting games, and plays video games all day, always in her room, door closed, light off.
Could easily be a phase she's going through. Try taking her shopping if you can; pick out sets of clothes that look good on her that aren't black/goth. If someone dear to her, like you, picks them out, she will wear them more readily than if an authority figure were to give them to her.

<> She likes fighting...a lot.
Has she gotten into any fights? Do you think you could win in a fight against her? If you know you can't win, try challenging her to a friendly fight. Get some sparring gear (hand pads, helmet, foot pads, etc. If she's into karate, she should already have these or know where to get them) and go light contact. I can guarantee you that when you're both dead tired and aching, she'll have a newfound appreciation for you... AND it forces her to go outside. It's also great exercise and fighting like that can actually deepen the bond between the two of you.

<> She's always talking about killing people and blood.
<> She says she'll beat anyone up
She wants to keep up her "bad girl" image. See the previous point for a remedy, but go a little harder contact this time.

<> She says she's not scared of anything.
Disclaimer: this is a last resort only! Do not even consider this unless you have exhausted every other alternative. This section will only be discussed over PM's because the contents of private messages should not be spread to anyone but their intended recipients... and this is definitely not material that needs to be discussed openly. PM me if you exhaust every other option that has been presented to you in this topic for this specific problem. Tell what the results were and I'll come up with another strategy to use before resorting to what I had planned to put here. Nobody should have to go through this... not you, not her. I do not say this lightly.  

[!GreenEnigma!]

Thanks, all of you. I already got this whole thing straightened out. Thanks again, though 3nodding