Suicide....

[luckylee218]

Ok I'm pretty suicidal and it's really starting to scare me... it's not that I'm afraid to die I'm just becoming afraid of my own thoughts because I'm not afraid to go through with them. Every time I try to go to sleep the thoughts flow through my mind and most of them are just simply grabing a knife from the kitchen and stabing myself in the throat. I know alot of people care about me and I've been trying to get help for it for quite some time but I can't get rid of the thoughts. Please help me! I've tried listening to music, drawing to try to get my mind off, or writing poetry to stop me from thinking the thoughts. One night while my little sister was sleeping in my room because her room was being painted I tried to commit suicide... and found that choking wont work. Please help!  

[little_moon_girl]

i can't really help because i have the same problem. sorry.  

[cheerchik]

go to therapy
there might be something bothering you thats causing these thoughts
PM me if you want =]

but i hope you choose the right thing <3  

[Tarrien]

Agreed. Go see professional help for this one if you're able. Go to a school counselor or something.

There's usually a cause behind suicidal thoughts, whether it be a difficult situation or hormones or a bunch of little things.  

[WindAndFire]

Ask yourself if it's really worth committing suicide. Surely there's something here that you'd miss. And go see a counselor, or better yet talk to an adult you trust (even though they are quite rare...)  

[Grypesagon]

Well my first question, as always with suicide, is whether or not you want to do or if you are feeling neglected. What is the emotional motivation for your compulsion? Explain the feelings and motivation.

What sorts of music, activities and socializing do you participate in? Do you have any of your writing available? Why did you feel compelled to attempt to choke yourself in front of your sister?  

[luckylee218]

She was asleep.... stare And here's some of what I've writen not long before my first attempt. I've never actually been happy with life... my mom pratically kidnapped me and broke up with my dad when I was 5, and I've never really forgiven her for that. Anouther year she punished me on my birthday and ate my cake in front of me... I never got to eat my own birthday cake. I wasn't even allowed to open my presents.. she gave them away. -_- She always degrades me and points out every negative thing and no matter what I do it's never good enough for her. I almost never see my dad, and it's not like I hang out with bad people, just a wide variaty of people. My mom can never accept me for who I want to be and my dad won't allow me to be myself either... I hate my life.

Darkened Heart

Empty silence falls
Leaving fear and more darkness
Even in the light

Rain falls in silence
I once heard it's angel's tears
Cry for me now God

How can sweet love break
On a once perfect friday?
Asked the heartbroken



Good Bye

Good-bye, what a simple word
Yet, every time I hear it, it hurts
It hits me like a nail through a board
With such a simple word why so much pain?
Is it because it may be their past?
Or is it because it just is?
Does it bring up something in the past?
Something thought to be long gone?
Why is their pain?
When it's such a small word?
A word that melts like acid rain
All I know is that it hurts
And that I never want to hear it
I never want to hear you say good-bye.  

[Emo Girlgamer]

luckylee218

She was asleep.... stare And here's some of what I've writen not long before my first attempt. I've never actually been happy with life... my mom pratically kidnapped me and broke up with my dad when I was 5, and I've never really forgiven her for that. Anouther year she punished me on my birthday and ate my cake in front of me... I never got to eat my own birthday cake. I wasn't even allowed to open my presents.. she gave them away. -_- She always degrades me and points out every negative thing and no matter what I do it's never good enough for her. I almost never see my dad, and it's not like I hang out with bad people, just a wide variaty of people. My mom can never accept me for who I want to be and my dad won't allow me to be myself either... I hate my life.

Darkened Heart

Empty silence falls
Leaving fear and more darkness
Even in the light

Rain falls in silence
I once heard it's angel's tears
Cry for me now God

How can sweet love break
On a once perfect friday?
Asked the heartbroken



Good Bye

Good-bye, what a simple word
Yet, every time I hear it, it hurts
It hits me like a nail through a board
With such a simple word why so much pain?
Is it because it may be their past?
Or is it because it just is?
Does it bring up something in the past?
Something thought to be long gone?
Why is their pain?
When it's such a small word?
A word that melts like acid rain
All I know is that it hurts
And that I never want to hear it
I never want to hear you say good-bye.

my mom is the same im hated by everyone in my family some of my frineds hate me too no matter what i do to make it up to anyone they yell at me which is a reason why im also emo no one cares if i die really except my bf hes the only reason why im still alive u just gotta live for the ones who care for u  

[luckylee218]

Girlgamer234

luckylee218

She was asleep.... stare And here's some of what I've writen not long before my first attempt. I've never actually been happy with life... my mom pratically kidnapped me and broke up with my dad when I was 5, and I've never really forgiven her for that. Anouther year she punished me on my birthday and ate my cake in front of me... I never got to eat my own birthday cake. I wasn't even allowed to open my presents.. she gave them away. -_- She always degrades me and points out every negative thing and no matter what I do it's never good enough for her. I almost never see my dad, and it's not like I hang out with bad people, just a wide variaty of people. My mom can never accept me for who I want to be and my dad won't allow me to be myself either... I hate my life.

Darkened Heart

Empty silence falls
Leaving fear and more darkness
Even in the light

Rain falls in silence
I once heard it's angel's tears
Cry for me now God

How can sweet love break
On a once perfect friday?
Asked the heartbroken



Good Bye

Good-bye, what a simple word
Yet, every time I hear it, it hurts
It hits me like a nail through a board
With such a simple word why so much pain?
Is it because it may be their past?
Or is it because it just is?
Does it bring up something in the past?
Something thought to be long gone?
Why is their pain?
When it's such a small word?
A word that melts like acid rain
All I know is that it hurts
And that I never want to hear it
I never want to hear you say good-bye.

my mom is the same im hated by everyone in my family some of my frineds hate me too no matter what i do to make it up to anyone they yell at me which is a reason why im also emo no one cares if i die really except my bf hes the only reason why im still alive u just gotta live for the ones who care for u

I know exactly what you mean. For a while I was living for my BF as well... but I found out that he never even knew if he loved me or not... so I broke up with him. Then he told me that he hated me. That's anouther reason why I went into depression and tried to commit suicide. Last night I went to confession and I burst out in tears in front of the preist. On my way out to go pray I was sure I could feel my ex's eyes just follow me to the pew. I couldn't stand it, I covered my face with my hair and let the tears flow until he walked over and asked me if I was ok. I told him I was.. How could I tell him that it's all his fault I'm so messed up now? I mean it's not ALL his fault but alot of it was. I was crushed. No I'm dating one of his best friends, kinda hoping he'd get jeolous but he told me to have fun with him. I just became a little emotionless not long after he said that but I replied back, "yeah I will" I don't really believe in what I said though.. and I feel a little guilty. I mean I know I'll never feel the same about any guy as I had with my ex and yet I'm dating this poor guy who's had a crush on me for 2 years.  

[Grypesagon]

So you're looking for an exit on what sounds like a pretty cruddy deal.

Not completely foolish logic but I can't say I agree with it. This compulsion for self termination is what's refered to as a control play. These things happen when you feel like all of your say has been stripped away from you. It tends to appear in eating disorders, cutting and suicide depending on other factors.

For suicide I can sympathise. Unfortunately there is no real way to "fix" this. You can turn away from it and train yourself not to act on your impulses but you'll still feel them. You'd only be masking the symptom.

Everyone I know who has seriously faced suicide and considered it a viable solution did one of three things. Did it. Failed to do it and never resolved it. Or in my case and a few others, stared it down.. considered it seriously (including thinking of how, what kind of note to leave and where, who would be affected and how, which is complicated because I realised no one would really be affected).

I realised that no matter how bad things are in this world, to accept them that way and be beaten was unacceptable. No matter what you beleive in terms of life and death there is no argument that this is the only shot you get at this specific life. There's no garuntee you get to come back and no garuntee there is anything waiting for you on the otherside. You can beleive in whatever or have faith in whatever but there is no garuntee.

If you can come to terms with this fact and decide without doubt that running away into death isn't an option since it's a total waste. you have a shot. If you can realise that doing nothing but retreating is a waste of being granted any life at all, and decide to defy the forces acting against you, you'd be suprised what you can accomplish.

Once you've turned your back to such things, consequences for your actions seem less frightening. Use of the control you do hold will become more valuable.

Do you understand? If you do... what do you think?  

[luckylee218]

Grypesagon

So you're looking for an exit on what sounds like a pretty cruddy deal.

Not completely foolish logic but I can't say I agree with it. This compulsion for self termination is what's refered to as a control play. These things happen when you feel like all of your say has been stripped away from you. It tends to appear in eating disorders, cutting and suicide depending on other factors.

For suicide I can sympathise. Unfortunately there is no real way to "fix" this. You can turn away from it and train yourself not to act on your impulses but you'll still feel them. You'd only be masking the symptom.

Everyone I know who has seriously faced suicide and considered it a viable solution did one of three things. Did it. Failed to do it and never resolved it. Or in my case and a few others, stared it down.. considered it seriously (including thinking of how, what kind of note to leave and where, who would be affected and how, which is complicated because I realised no one would really be affected).

I realised that no matter how bad things are in this world, to accept them that way and be beaten was unacceptable. No matter what you beleive in terms of life and death there is no argument that this is the only shot you get at this specific life. There's no garuntee you get to come back and no garuntee there is anything waiting for you on the otherside. You can beleive in whatever or have faith in whatever but there is no garuntee.

If you can come to terms with this fact and decide without doubt that running away into death isn't an option since it's a total waste. you have a shot. If you can realise that doing nothing but retreating is a waste of being granted any life at all, and decide to defy the forces acting against you, you'd be suprised what you can accomplish.

Once you've turned your back to such things, consequences for your actions seem less frightening. Use of the control you do hold will become more valuable.

Do you understand? If you do... what do you think?

It makes sence... and I also realized something last night. I seem to bake alot more lately. After I went suicidal I also started baking more... when i told my friends that they started calling my cookies "depression cookies" or "suicide cookies"  

[toughluck22894]

luckylee218

Ok I'm pretty suicidal and it's really starting to scare me... it's not that I'm afraid to die I'm just becoming afraid of my own thoughts because I'm not afraid to go through with them. Every time I try to go to sleep the thoughts flow through my mind and most of them are just simply grabing a knife from the kitchen and stabing myself in the throat. I know alot of people care about me and I've been trying to get help for it for quite some time but I can't get rid of the thoughts. Please help me! I've tried listening to music, drawing to try to get my mind off, or writing poetry to stop me from thinking the thoughts. One night while my little sister was sleeping in my room because her room was being painted I tried to commit suicide... and found that choking wont work. Please help!

I know what thas like. I am about where you're at without the dreams. (i don't sleep much) If there's anything you like doing like go for a walk, running, drawing whatever. Just try it and ignore the voices and thoughts think of something you love. like a friend or a family member. And do it for them and for you. It's really tough at first but over time it slowly starts to work.  

[Grypesagon]

luckylee218

Grypesagon

So you're looking for an exit on what sounds like a pretty cruddy deal.

Not completely foolish logic but I can't say I agree with it. This compulsion for self termination is what's refered to as a control play. These things happen when you feel like all of your say has been stripped away from you. It tends to appear in eating disorders, cutting and suicide depending on other factors.

For suicide I can sympathise. Unfortunately there is no real way to "fix" this. You can turn away from it and train yourself not to act on your impulses but you'll still feel them. You'd only be masking the symptom.

Everyone I know who has seriously faced suicide and considered it a viable solution did one of three things. Did it. Failed to do it and never resolved it. Or in my case and a few others, stared it down.. considered it seriously (including thinking of how, what kind of note to leave and where, who would be affected and how, which is complicated because I realised no one would really be affected).

I realised that no matter how bad things are in this world, to accept them that way and be beaten was unacceptable. No matter what you beleive in terms of life and death there is no argument that this is the only shot you get at this specific life. There's no garuntee you get to come back and no garuntee there is anything waiting for you on the otherside. You can beleive in whatever or have faith in whatever but there is no garuntee.

If you can come to terms with this fact and decide without doubt that running away into death isn't an option since it's a total waste. you have a shot. If you can realise that doing nothing but retreating is a waste of being granted any life at all, and decide to defy the forces acting against you, you'd be suprised what you can accomplish.

Once you've turned your back to such things, consequences for your actions seem less frightening. Use of the control you do hold will become more valuable.

Do you understand? If you do... what do you think?

It makes sence... and I also realized something last night. I seem to bake alot more lately. After I went suicidal I also started baking more... when i told my friends that they started calling my cookies "depression cookies" or "suicide cookies"

lol. okay just for the comedy, next batch needs to be gingerbread men and they sould all be decorated as dying in some way.  

[luckylee218]

Grypesagon

luckylee218

Grypesagon

So you're looking for an exit on what sounds like a pretty cruddy deal.

Not completely foolish logic but I can't say I agree with it. This compulsion for self termination is what's refered to as a control play. These things happen when you feel like all of your say has been stripped away from you. It tends to appear in eating disorders, cutting and suicide depending on other factors.

For suicide I can sympathise. Unfortunately there is no real way to "fix" this. You can turn away from it and train yourself not to act on your impulses but you'll still feel them. You'd only be masking the symptom.

Everyone I know who has seriously faced suicide and considered it a viable solution did one of three things. Did it. Failed to do it and never resolved it. Or in my case and a few others, stared it down.. considered it seriously (including thinking of how, what kind of note to leave and where, who would be affected and how, which is complicated because I realised no one would really be affected).

I realised that no matter how bad things are in this world, to accept them that way and be beaten was unacceptable. No matter what you beleive in terms of life and death there is no argument that this is the only shot you get at this specific life. There's no garuntee you get to come back and no garuntee there is anything waiting for you on the otherside. You can beleive in whatever or have faith in whatever but there is no garuntee.

If you can come to terms with this fact and decide without doubt that running away into death isn't an option since it's a total waste. you have a shot. If you can realise that doing nothing but retreating is a waste of being granted any life at all, and decide to defy the forces acting against you, you'd be suprised what you can accomplish.

Once you've turned your back to such things, consequences for your actions seem less frightening. Use of the control you do hold will become more valuable.

Do you understand? If you do... what do you think?

It makes sence... and I also realized something last night. I seem to bake alot more lately. After I went suicidal I also started baking more... when i told my friends that they started calling my cookies "depression cookies" or "suicide cookies"

lol. okay just for the comedy, next batch needs to be gingerbread men and they sould all be decorated as dying in some way.

I'll probably do that too. xd  

[Grypesagon]

word. smile

And let me know when you face down your suicidal thoughts. I'm curious to see which side you come out on. I may even have a suprise for you if you find your way to my side of the chasm.