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Posted: Fri Apr 13, 2007 7:36 pm
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so i was sitting on my couch playing gaia puzzle. and i hear a knocking on my door. my sister said it was one of my friends, so i peeked out to see who. it was sam and chris (a kid i've had a crush on for a while.) so i was like "pwee" so i threw on some shoes and jumped out the door. we ended up getting chris's older brother (who is a homophobe ><), so i ended up not being thrilled. we went to sams house (no one was home but us) and sam and mike (chris's brother) layed together on the big couch while me and chris sat on the other couch (he sat in the middle of the couch and i sat on the right side.) after about 40 mins they left to go get dinner real fast. mike re-appeared so i left, why sit and whatch them make out? so i told sam i just needed to go home, it was time for me to go. i ended up going to chris's house (like 10 feet away) and we chatted, and i ended up going into this little bush-covered area that blocked others views from us. It was really cold so i ended up grabbing chris and holding him, claiming to be becuase i wnated to stay warm, when really i just wanted to hold him. so we did that for about a half hour... then we both had to go.
so, i really do like him... but he's kinda freaky... like.. he get's into this mood where he is like phsyco freaky... but i know he would never dare hurt me, cuz he knows i'd kick his a**. none of my friends but sam like him as a friend, so of course they all make fun of him, and when i told a few i had a crush on him they flipped. so i said i didn't anymore becuase i was afraid i'd hit one of them out of frustration. but i still like him...
none of my friends really talk to me anymore but chris and sam... so i'm tempted to just go for it and attempt to get with chris... (i mean make out. not ********.. XD)
should i? i don't know =/. i'm going to ask sam for advice tomaro morn when she comes over, we are going roller blading for my cousins b-day party. spot out a few boyz. lol.
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Posted: Fri Apr 13, 2007 9:33 pm
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Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2007 10:40 am
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Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2007 10:40 am
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Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2007 12:45 pm
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Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2007 10:29 pm
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Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2007 10:33 pm
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Posted: Sun Apr 15, 2007 10:00 am
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Posted: Sun Apr 15, 2007 10:03 am
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Posted: Sun Apr 15, 2007 8:48 pm
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Posted: Mon Apr 16, 2007 4:22 pm
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Posted: Wed Apr 18, 2007 7:02 pm
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Ok, so today was the "National Day of Silence" for the gay kids in my school, i'll tell a bit about that in a few in a new post. ANyway, o i signed up for it, and i went and got a white erase borad thing and a marker. and i went to C hall and chris was walking into the school via-back door. he was just smoking, i could smell it from where i was. He didn't used to smoke, he started recently... i guess from depression. Well i walking into C-hall greeted by my usual hug from a few friends. Chris came up beihind me and was like "hey" and i was like "... -writes hey on my board-" he laughed and asked what was up. i gave him this paper i was given incase someone asked about it. he read it and understood. i decided i couldn't stand much longer and went and sat next ot my friend and her boy friend (i hat her bf... but w/e) and he followed me. he sat next to me and kept tlaking, i wrote "you smell like smoke" and he told me to shut up. i wrote "you need to stop. no kidding" and he looked at me and was like "yea yea... i'm trying... i'm gunna slowly cut down.. i usualy smoke 2 a day... i'll try and cut down to 1... then 1/2... and so on.." and i just smiled. so i kinda went into this position i go into when i get cold and i'm sitting. he skootched a bit closer, i smiled but tried to play things cool. nia got up, gave me a hug and went off with her boyfriend. and chris continued talking.. no idea what about. he said somethign like he's gaining weight, and i turned. i wrote that he needs to stfu, he weighs like 106 lbs. and i wrote "i only like scrawny white boiz ;D" and he said "good another reson to gain weight. i kinda got a little upset from that. i decided to get up and leave, so i stood and began walking off. He immediatly followed. I went to my friend Somer and gave her a hug. he followed still and said hello to her. i turned abrubtly and went the other way, i heard a friends voice and wanted to go ... write to her. lol. he still followed. the five minute bell rung (meaning i have 5 mins to get to homeroom) i let out a sigh and began to go towards the end of the hall to move to B hall. He followed and stopped me. Asking where my homeroom was. i wrote "B-14" and he was like "that's like really close, i'll walk with you." so i was like "..." and he followed. i went to my locker and bent down to throw things in my messenger bag. he stood watching, and waited for me to stand. he gave me a hug and whispered that he had to go to homeroom. i smiled and nodded. he left. i walked into homeroom, to see the other boy i've had a crush on since like... mid-summer last year. he just gave me this.. look. bleh. so i went through school silently. cursing at people via-the board. in german some kid was making fun of me for being gay, i wanted to just turn and tell him to stfu. the girl behind me did it for me. She was like "you know that's really rude..." and he laughed. he doesn't care. if he says anything tomaro i'ma tell him to shut his little straiget fatt a** the hell up.
so i got through the day. whoopie. i got home... blah. had things to do. around 5:30ish my friend megan wanted to hang, so i went ove rher hourse, we went out aorund town... i found out Dj (the kid from my homeroom i've had a crush on) hates me with a burning passion, she said everytime he is over she is like "...i'm gunna call TJ up! he can come chill with us." and DJ is always like "ewww nooooo" DJ is the kinda kid everyone KNOWS is gay/bi but refuses to admit it. i think he isn't. i wish he was, but he isn't. i want him... but w.e... thanks to that i'm now depressed. i also found out chris likes this girl i know. so i'm like "wtf..." yea... bleh...
love sucks. lifes a b***h... and god hates me... oh well. so is life...
Nation Day Of Silence is a day that all gay/bi/lezbian people (and supporters) are silent, to show how gay/bi/lezbian people have had to be silent all their lives, weather it be because they like someone, or because they have to put up with torment. It's really sad... i went horugh 8 years of my life as a lie... and i'm still living my life as a partial lie, but it's for my safety. i'm not telling ym family, my cousins have already threatened to beat me up if i was... bleh... i ahte liiife.
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Posted: Sat May 05, 2007 7:47 am
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Posted: Sat May 05, 2007 7:58 am
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Posted: Sat May 05, 2007 2:29 pm
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