Depression and self-inadequacy

[Persistence_of_Memory]

Sometimes I tell people I'm depressed and they always ask me why since I have a perfectly fine life, friends, a great family, and anything else I could possibly need. They don't really seem able to believe that the problem isn't my life. The problem is in how I view myself.

When I look at myself, I just can't see anything good. I can never do anything right or anything good enough. I'm ugly. I'm stupid. I'm clumsy. I'm never going to fit in. My friends don't care. I'm all alone and that's all I'll ever be.

I try not to let it get to me or let it interfere with my life, but it's hard sometimes. I just feel so isolated because I'm not as good as everyone else, even though I'm constantly telling myself that nobody's perfect. No matter how much I tell myself that, it doesn't work. No matter how many empowering books I read or videos I watch, I can't get myself out of this.

I feel like nothing and I'm trapped in my own skin.
Can anybody help me?

Nobody's posting here.
That's my fault too. I'm not important. Nobody gives a damn what happens to me. I don't matter.  

[hellzeeko]

I've been there before I may even be there now, I've always been the odd ball in any group I've ever been in theres nothing I could say that those videos probably have all perhaps ypu a good person and your views are badsed on how peers have treated you in the past, if thats the case don't listen..those type of people are asses that put people down because they themseleves may not believe they're good anough.  

[Persistence_of_Memory]

I've had interpersonal issues in the past, and it could be that. Nobody says anything like that now because my friends know it bothers me and I pretty much avoid people I don't know. I talked to somebody else about this and he told me that I have a complex...  

[mini-botch]

OKay I really don't know how to phrase this, so don't get mad or anything. The thing is, nothing anyone else tells you is going to help you. I could look at you and tell yuo you're beautiful and you still wouldn't believe me, because you don't FEEl beautiful. Nobody can change your feelings but YOU.
Surround yourself with positive people who crae about you and you KNOW you cna talk to and trust. When you look in the mirror everyday point out at least 5 GOOD things about yourself. It starts out hard, but wiht time it gets easier.
I really hope this helps and feel free to PM me if you wnat to talk some more.
-Playing_Piano  

[Persistence_of_Memory]

I know that, hence the self-help crap that really doesn't help me help myself. ^^
And I never asked you to make me feel good about myself. It's my attitude that's screwed up and you can't fix that for me. I need advice. And as for the advice, I've been told mostly that same thing for quite a while, and I've tried that.  

[BluePod]

Well I wish you luck in getting out of it. When you do could you let me know so I can get my gf to read how you got out of if. She's for the most part in the same siuation. Well good luck.  

[kyoshiro2]

You said you tell yourself that no one is perfect.... Why not tring to tell yourself that you're perfect... But don't get big headed... Look in the miror and say I'm perfect.... You don't need people saying you are or are not just be happy knowing that you're the only one who ever has to judge you... So just say you're perfect....  

[K1T3]

self help, new friends, all that stuff has already been said numerous times. you think this way not because you feel... cuz your mind is not active. start a hobby make and i mean MAKE SURE it's long and tedious. keep your mind from reaching those friggin thoughts. the more you think about something else the more your problems will simply begin to dissapear. here's something i got from myt eacher.


NOTHING CAN BRING YOU DOWN UNLESS YOU LET IT.

don't think yourself as bad. just don't think. the more you dig deeper into a problem that's based on feelings it'll never get resolved. here's my advice.

THERE'S NO NEED IN GETTING MAD ABOUT THE PAST IN TIME THE UNIVERSE WILL UNFOLD AS IT SHOULD.  

[QUW00SH]

iv felt like that be4, but instead of having friends that dont care i didnt have any friends, so it was a lot worse. all i can really say is instead of looking at all the bad things about urself, try to look at the things u like. be optimistic. try to find things that u like about urself or what u like about what happened earlier that day. once, i had a really miserable day, and instead of telling my friends "my day has been awful" i told them "my day hasn't been all that great, but i least i found a dime". finding a dime wasnt great or anything, but i looked on the bright side and it made me feel better, no matter how stupid it sounds to be happy about just finding a dime.  

[Nariko914]

I have been through exactly what you have been going through. I find myself unattractive, I am clumsy, and my intelligence can certainly be argued.

However, what you need is cognitive therapy. Let me add that I am not a doctor, but I have had therapy for this kind of thing. If you'd rather not take my own advice on how to do this, a therapist or counselor can explain it better.

When you look in the mirror and begin thinking negatively of yourself, say out loud, "Stop." The word immediately tells your brain to stop whatever it is you're doing at the moment (meaning you shouldn't be doing anything else while you're looking in the mirror).

Then, think, "I am not stupid," or "I am not ugly." It will be almost impossible. I know. But try it every day. At first you probably won't be able to look at yourself in the mirror when you start thinking this way.

But if you do it over and over again, it will eventually start to stick. I have done cognitive therapy for over a year, and I still do not have full self-confidence. But I do know that I am not the scum of the earth, that I am fairly attractive, and that if I was an idiot, I would not be able to help people such as yourself. 3nodding

The reason this works is because both the conscious and subconscious are like glasses of water: if you drop enough food coloring in there, it will eventually change color. heart

Please PM me anytime you need help, okay?  

[DvnT]

i feel like that alot of times too. how i deal with it is i forget it, if i go to a councler, i lie to them because they think my life is wonderful and i should live in Happy-La-La-Land were everything is happy. any ways i just get emersed in someone elses problems, that way i can have friends who support me, i feel needed because i probably saved a life, and i forget all about my problems! i mean i cant help but look at my self in the mornings but i get on with my life and forget about myself. (and im not just trying to be selfless, i am really greedy actually).

hope that helps,

heart
dvn  

[Nariko914]

dvn

i feel like that alot of times too. how i deal with it is i forget it, if i go to a councler, i lie to them because they think my life is wonderful and i should live in Happy-La-La-Land were everything is happy. any ways i just get emersed in someone elses problems, that way i can have friends who support me, i feel needed because i probably saved a life, and i forget all about my problems! i mean i cant help but look at my self in the mornings but i get on with my life and forget about myself. (and im not just trying to be selfless, i am really greedy actually).

hope that helps,

heart
dvn

Helping others is often the greatest way to help yourself. Knowing that you have helped someone who needed it can help to build confidence over time. It gives you a feeling of gratification and pride, which will eventually turn to confidence and feeling comfortable with yourself. heart

It is also a good distraction - focusing on helping others distracts from your own troubles for a while, which in turn helps them to seem less severe. That means that dealing with them later on can become much easier.  

[Lalou Rockstar]

Nariko914

I have been through exactly what you have been going through. I find myself unattractive, I am clumsy, and my intelligence can certainly be argued.

However, what you need is cognitive therapy. Let me add that I am not a doctor, but I have had therapy for this kind of thing. If you'd rather not take my own advice on how to do this, a therapist or counselor can explain it better.

When you look in the mirror and begin thinking negatively of yourself, say out loud, "Stop." The word immediately tells your brain to stop whatever it is you're doing at the moment (meaning you shouldn't be doing anything else while you're looking in the mirror).

Then, think, "I am not stupid," or "I am not ugly." It will be almost impossible. I know. But try it every day. At first you probably won't be able to look at yourself in the mirror when you start thinking this way.

But if you do it over and over again, it will eventually start to stick. I have done cognitive therapy for over a year, and I still do not have full self-confidence. But I do know that I am not the scum of the earth, that I am fairly attractive, and that if I was an idiot, I would not be able to help people such as yourself. 3nodding

The reason this works is because both the conscious and subconscious are like glasses of water: if you drop enough food coloring in there, it will eventually change color. heart

Please PM me anytime you need help, okay?

There isn't much point to my posting except to quote this comment so that it shows up in this thread more than once. I think this is very very good advice. And I know the idea of therapy is daunting and one may think that it just "proves I'm crazy" but CBT is very useful and helpful!  

[Ryoukai]

I recommend Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge
(It will probably be in the religious section of the bookstore, or in the library)
Amazon.com Listing

It's not a self-help book, it's a book on why girls are the way we are. It's not "Sugar and spice and everything nice, that's what little girls are made of" either. The book is a spiritual look at who we were made to be, and what we do that makes us feel inadequate. I'm not saying this is a life-changing thing, and I know you might be tired of reading "You're worth it!" books, but this isn't one of those. I just recommend looking into it, and seeing what you think.

Everything else I could possibly say has already been said. The change won't come about from me telling you things, but I hope things get better for you. I would try any and all of the things recommended, I get like that sometimes, too.