A difficult problem...

[LeonFisky]

I am having some pretty bad parent problems.... I dunno what you can do to help me, but I just thought maybe you could....
Anyway, so my problem is, I am nothing like my parents. Like, they're all mean and nasty and I'm well.... Nice.... But that sounds so bad when I say it but it's true. Like, they arn't just mean to others either.... That's my problem.

You see, I kinda live to please if you know what I mean. And when others arn't happy, I'm not happy. So I try to fix it. I dunno if that's a good enough discription, but I tried. My family ( brother included ) takes full advantage of that quality. They can never be pleased with me. And I try really really hard, but it's never good enough. They say things that hurt me. And I can't do anything about it. I'm the older sibling, so... Well there's favoritism in my house. Let's just say I'm obviously not the favorite. I get in trouble for a lot of things that really arn't my fault at all. My brother is a great lier... But I'm sure you've heard that before. I could point out a million times that I've felt this way, but I can't take it much more.... I really can't. A recent example:

I went on a trip last week. Just me with a group of kids from my church (and adults obviously) But basically I'm saying my parents weren't there. I had an aweful time. It was so aweful.... All I wanted to do was come home. My mom made the leader allow me to keep my phone always so she could call me anytime. That was fine. She called. I called. Blah blah skip to the end. It was time to go home. The flight was terrible. A 2 hour lay over turned into 5 hours. I didn't end up getting home til 3 in the morning. My mom and grandma and dad got up to say hi. I gave them all a quick hug and said hello then went to bed. Well apparently my hug was not nearly good enough. I woke up the next morning ( yestraday ) My grandma was like, "Go hug your mom." So I was like okay whatever. Nothing out of the ordinary right?? Wrong. She flipped. She started crying and shouting and telling me how badly I had hurt her feelings because my hug was not good enough. I went to my room for most of the rest of the day and most of today too. I'm almost scared. That I'm gonna do something wrong again. I'm so confused.... She isn't mad at me anymore. She came up to my room and had me apologize to her and give her a better hug. That was just the other day. You probably think I'm a total idiot... But I'm beginning to feel kind of worthless. I think the only reason she insisted on me having my phone was to make her look like a better person, more concerned about her child than the other parents were about theirs. Maybe if I had gotten some hugs when I was growing up, I might have known better how to give one..... And I feel like I sound selfish.... 'Cause I know that there are so many people who have it so much worse than I do. But there were many other instances when I felt this way. Many. I talk to my cousin a lot about this stuff. He has seen it first hand. He says he thinks it kinda like mental abuse. But neither he nor I know what that is exactly so I wouldn't want to assume that.

But I also like to stay positive. I've always tried to be positive and cheer people up and be nice to people. My family is just the opposite. They see a homeless man on the street and start saying horrible things about them and automatically assuming that the homeless man is a terrible person. And they don't even know his name. I hate that. If I could, I would have tried to help that guy out ya know?? I mean, I know I can't, but I mean if I had the choice to either help him or just walk on by, I would want to help.

And ya know, I'm not like, Emo or anything. I don't sit around a mope about stupid stuff all the time. It's like my mind is tired of all of this. Not that I have anything against Emos either. emo heart I'm just a nice guy stuck in a big ol' house full of not nice people. I'm still gonna try and keep cool. Just look on the bright side. I just can't help but notice that it keeps on getting harder and harder to find.

I really could use some advice...  

[a.shadow.from.the.dark]

This one is a bit of a tough situation. I'm sorry but i don't know of much you could do. When this started happening to me, I just stopped talking, stopped helping, and stopped giving in. I would be over at friends houses most of the day, stay after school for various activities, and stay out of the house as much as possible.

That may not work in your position. By the way you describe it, that won't help too much. Some humans get joy off of others pain. ex. when you see some guy on TV get kicked in the balls, you laugh, right? But some people purposely make others suffer for their own enjoyment.

Or maybe your parents just want more. They may think that you are never actually trying. That may not be the case.

I don't know you, or your family. So I can make no definite decision on this matter, but I can try and help.

Do less. Stop giving in. Stay out of the house as much as possible. Keep busy.

If that doesn't work, speak to a counselor about it. Or, bring it up with your parents(not a great idea).

This may sound hard, but stop giving a sh!# about what other people think. Start acting a little more for your happiness than others'. You've realized that people take advantage of anything and everything that they can, stop giving them something to take advantage over. Ignorance can be used to your advantage at this point, not extreme ignorance, but passive ignorance.

I hope this helped.  

[LeonFisky]

I tried not talking once. It reeeeally didn't work. That was another one of those memorable times....  

[1Die Romantic]

Alot of parents are really horrible.........the most you can do is stay positive and look forward to something anything just don't lose hope....i know this might sound weird but set a goal for yourself like a future profession or something anyways your not going to live with your parents forever you have a life too........i mean think about it if you show it bothers you that way then their going to continue to be mean im not saying to ignore them either...i hope you understand what im telling you  

[Tarrien]

You have a lot on your plate... Mind you, a lot of things we go through when we live with our parents prepare us for later on- Mainly in your case, people that aren't so nice. If you stick with that kindness you have now, I guarantee you- you'll probably have a much happier life when you go out on your own than what your family has right now.

I can only imagine how hard it must be but, if you can, stick to looking on the bright side, it's so much harder to start looking on the bright side after looking on the negative for so a little while. You've already lived out more than half your legal sentence with your family if you move out when you're 18, that is assuming you're over the age of 9.

Perhaps you could watch certain patterns in your family's behavior, it might help you figure out if there's something else that they are just taking out on you in the end. You never really know since if your mother got that upset over a hug... something doesn't sound quite right... But if you just watch what makes them tick you could avoid more the unnecessary drama... it's not fool proof but it might help...

I hope I helped in some way.  

[esspressos]

you are just like me... i have the same problem.. well, i dont have a brother.. i have 2 sisters that really keep on saying mean stuff to me.. that's why i created... "myspace" "friendster" and "gaiaonline" bec they make me forget my real life issues!! i dont have any trouble w/ my mom, its my dad that i have problems w/.. i also dont know what to do w/ him.. cry  

[XCactus123X]

I know what you mean by having to deal with people (especially parents and siblings) that take advantage of your nice personality traits. The thing is, it teaches you to be a stronger person and to realize that not everyone in the world is goign to treat you as an equal. What I can say to help you is to keep your head up high, remind yourself of how great YOU are (even when they say you aren't or anything along those lines) and if all else fails, try to have some open communication with your family. Talking to them about how you're feeling, and about how they make you feel sometimes, should make them understand that they need to treat you with a little more respect and whatnot. Don't go overboard with the communication though, don't yell and don't let them yell at you. Stay calm and focused and everything should work out for the best. I hope I helped you a little bit, and good luck hunn.  

[haileythefembot]

I really really really wish I could help you, because I know just how you feel.

I'm afraid I can't though. =(

My parents are like that too, well... mainly my mom, except that they have times when they are nice...

But, the thing that keeps me going is my faith, And I promise I'll be praying for ya.
Even though I'm not sure of your religion, I hope I didn't offend you by saying that.

If you find a solution.. let me know.
I need one too.

 

[soul donut]

No offense, but your parents, especially mother, sound like passive-aggressive whiners. Nothing you can do about it, because that's just how they are, but do keep in mind that no matter what you do, it just won't be good enough to please them. AND THAT IS NOT YOUR FAILING. It isn't your fault! And it's not your job to make them happy. Okay? It's really not.

I used to be just like you. And there came a day where I just couldn't take the bullshit anymore, and it led to a face-off between me and my stepfather: it turned violent, and I was lucky that I didn't get more than a few scrapes and bruises. As soon as I could, I moved away from that place, and I don't have much contact with my family anymore.

Even though you feel like it's your responsibility to fix things for everyone, it's not. My telling you this won't drive the lesson home; I think this is something that you will need to learn for yourself.  

[f ii o r e ll a]

I'm a people pleaser and a lot of people take advantage of this, too. Except my scenario doesn't involve parents.
It's cool that you try to think positive, that's one of the best things to do when you're facing a situation like that. Just have high hopes on you're future when you get to live an independent life without your family. See hope is the key, and I hope I'm not confusing you because that's what I usually do to people!  

[Majix The Ninja]

Dude....pimp slap 'em...then tell them to DUk DA ******** DOWn  

[dark lord toilet scrubber]

well first of all your mom sound like a pyscho, second you sound like one of my freinds your parent couldnt care less about you but theyll make it look like they care. but by the sound of it you dont seclude yourself from your family, answer me this this please, are your parents some of those that would be all like if you died complaining about spending money one a funeral more then your worth to them?