Yesterday I accidentally deleted my 10/20 paged essay. I got really upset because I know it's my fault and accepted it, but it's even worse that I can't get it back 'cause Vista and HP are idiotic POS when it comes to stuff like this.
I wanted to blame all kinds of things 'cause this isn't helping my anxiety disorder at all. Imperfection is my obsession, self-harm is my compulsion. It frustrates me even more when people want me to "move on" as if it's THAT easy for me to do so. Sure, I may have the 8 paged version, but that's far from the point I was at and still in the writers' block portion that took me so long.
Don't say that I'll "do better", no matter how encouraging that's supposed to be. I forgot what exactly I typed, so I can't "recall" anything to make anything "better".
In the time I'm fretting over this, I could've rewritten the portion I lost, but that's an estimation. The thought itself is impending my progress and as anyone can see, this is the anxiety disorder in action--the fixation is keeping me from "moving on". I can't even start working on the other assignments that need to be done.
I can try, but I seriously don't know what to do and feel a tad hopeless each time I do try to get myself off the ground. It's stupid to feel this upset, but I genuinely am very, very upset right now and it hurts even more when there're folks who are impersonal about this. This is a behavioral challenge and this is going to take a lot more than just "moving on" to fix.
 Channoia · Wed Apr 02, 2008 @ 04:08pm · 0 Comments |
