|
Hm...ever since I was a child, I always felt as if I was missing something. I don't exactly now what it is, but it sure does effects me a lot. Like my parents say... I do have trouble saying " I love you" to people. It basically started when I was in pre-school and people use to hate me because I was slightly taller.
I would be trying to color a coloring book, and I would end up having dirt and all other types of filth in my face. Was I delighted by the fact that they liked to pick on me? Certainly not. I still have a grudge on those people, even though I absent mindedly forgave them. I grew on to the word "dislike" and "hate" other than "love" and "like".
Thats why now, I don't care if I AM accepted by people. I just act as if I am a lonely goddess, waited to be loved. I did date a few people in my past and the results remained the same. Near some type of holiday or break, they would stop talking to me...leaving me in pain by myself. And when they come back, thinking everything's okay...You know what? They're just plain wrong. I wait...wait...wait until I feel my heart has fallen it's rate of beating to a "slow" motion. That indicates...I've once again been broken-hearted.
My RL sister say I'm usually the one to break things off because I'm selfish like that. That's actually not the case; I do that to test what the guy would do. Yes, I do it to every boy I like (and it's rare for me to like someone) and I see how he reacts. Some leave and find another girlfriend within a snap...others tend to wait. I really like the ones that tend to wait.
I wonder what I'm missing is "love"? Am I just so broken-hearted that I forgot it's meaning? Probably so. Then again....wouldn't you be the same thing. I get discourage by the smallest comments. People use to call me ugly for the most ridiculous reasons. I was quite pretty and I was the nicest black girl. And I'm still the nicest black "teen" yet I have to kick some spice with my everything nice so I can get a point across about my way of things. My expressions. My emotions. My love.
Sayonara!
 The Marvelous Artist · Wed Jun 04, 2008 @ 06:19am · 0 Comments |
