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im baa-aack..... well anyone who has read all of this journal knows that my head is basically messed up and none of it is treated. wat yall dont know is that i have a really bad history.... with suicide. yes, i did say suicide. i had under my belt three suicide attempts before i was able to back off....... until now. my parents have been getting worse, people around me are getting more graphic in their shows of... dislike, i guess you could call it. but that, combined with all of the torment ive taken over the years and the knowledge that no1 has ever really cared about me really starts to take its toll after awhile. im ashamed to admit that in the past three weeks ive had another attempt added to my arsenole. i hate the fact that people treat me like death is all that i deserve but i dont want to kill myself. during each attemp, its like im there, but its not me. its kindve like watching a movie, knowing wats going to happen but unable to stop it. i hate being so helpless against myself. but hopefully the few frends i do have will help me through it............ if i can get up the courage to tell them about it. stressed sad