When Pandora radio plays "Fortunate Son" on my radio, it's a good day.
I would say, God loves me, but being stuck in this fake house with my brother, a God fearing/loving christian celebrating a birth of some baby Jesus whos connections with trees is lost on me . . .
I find more depth in listening to Coldplay. I find more peace in hiking, I find more enlightenment in psychology and reading books of people who said God didn't need to be in their lives to have fullfillment.
So it's out. I'm not a good little christian. I attend church with my brother only so that I don't have to hear him call me a pagan for a whole summer. Apparently debating the equality of Buddah is like worshiping many gods.
I don't think a church will save the sins a book that says I can't:
be jealous of people having better things
wanting more than I have
saying God DAMN IT
doubting the existance of a higher power
have sex before marriage
or heaven forbid touching myself - one of the most basic animal instincts.
I've grown tired of pretending I believe in "god."
Please, do not chastise me. I do that enough to myself already. I'm just tired of god.
I do believe I grew tired of him when I became mentally ill,
then I grew angry at him when my mother became physically ill with lung cancer.
I soon grew vengeful at him, trying to control the only thing I could think of, my own life.
Chapters of a story I do not brag about, unlike some.
And then, at the end of my mom's life about a year later, I grew ignorant of "him."
A man that gives life, and "Taketh away." is not someone I want to worship.
So I shall become an intellectual on the subject. If you believe in something, I believe that if it helps you fill a spiritual void, then it serves its purpose. But Mr. Mormon pleae put away your pamplets, I have nothing I need to be saved from.
And Christopher, do not preach to me like being god loving makes you better than myself. Your inferiorities to myself, and feeble attempt to substain mother's existance through your career choice as pastor, isn't brilliant.
It's mortal.
CrazieCate Community Member 
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