growing older is Terrifying
I'm not very good at taking care of myself
I never intended to live this long
and to be honest
i still don't have any kind of
sustainable plan
I just drink
& drink
my suicide plans have grown more.concrete over the years
the more I hurt
the more I drink
the more I hurt
the more I plan
it's not the Impulsive Urges of my Youth
it's not a dramatic gesture, no Noble Sacrifice
it's just.... Defeat
I don't want to die today
but it's the only plan I have
and sometimes it feels like I'm just waiting
for a bad enough day
maybe there another way out
but
sobriety terrifies me
I keep googling my symptoms
and everything keeps coming back
Alcohol Abuse
I lied to my doctor about how much I drink
I was afraid they wouldnt renew my prescription
it's still early enough to turn things around
sometimes I wish I could just have my life back
but I wouldn't know.what to do with it
my bad decisions are just another prison
but there's some comfort in pretending
there was any kind of choice in the first place
 taxidermy jesus · Sun Jan 17, 2021 @ 11:54am · 0 Comments |
