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I get really ticked when someone sends me a chain mail, so my friend, Polerno send me this ^^
this is hysterical... I know it's a chain mail but if you read it it's actuallly mocking chain mail and it's senders. Thought that might be ok.
*Thanks to all the email forwarners...
*I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the
glue on envelopes, because I now have to use a wet towel with every
Envelope that needs sealing.
Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open, for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny
Brown) who is about to die, in the hospital, for the 1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive
the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me, for
participating in their special e-mail program.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking
out for me and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
I no longer eat KFC, because their chickens are actually mutant freaks
with no eyes or feathers.
However, I will be able to eat at Applebee's soon because I have been
waiting 5 or 6 years for the free coupon I am going to receive.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants, even though I smell like a
water buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to you I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I
forward an e-mail message to 10 of my friends and to the person who sent
it and make a wish within five minutes.
Because of your concerns, I no longer drink Coca Cola as it can remove
toilet stains.
I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car
so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these
products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave, because it causes cancer.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones, because I could be
pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx, since they are actually
Al Qaeda in disguise.
I no longer shop at Target, since they are French and don't support our
American troops or the Salvation Army.
I no longer have any sneakers...but that will change, once I receive my
free replacement pair from Nike.
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine, because a big brown
African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when
it bites my butt.
Thank you, too, for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us. I
can live a better life now, because he's told us how to fix everything.
Plus, thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I saw in the parking lot, because it probably was placed there by a sex
molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg. Oh, and don't forget
this one either...
I can no longer drive my car, because I can't buy gas from certain gas
companies!
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people, in the next
70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM
this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back,
causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur, because it
actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's
ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.
 Laitie · Tue Aug 08, 2006 @ 12:34pm · 1 Comments |
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