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H-Chan Journal
It's my Journal. I write whatever i want in it I sopz.
Death..
If anybody must know I'm Sick of this crap and I'm sick of people who think there life is going to be prefect because they found some new girl.

Life not going to be perfect. I know I haven't screwed mine up compleatly... infact.. I know I've screwed it up enough that I have to take Science again in grade 11. I think i'm Pathic. in some ways.. Theres nasty rummers about me that I believe I didn't desiver to get in the first place because I had helped those people.. maybe I should go see the counslor.. because I'm starting to think maybe if I died the world would be better.. I mean it didn't affect my family much when I had ran away from home.. for a couple of days.. they didn't even care if I was there or not.. I'm just there babysitter that they have for cheep I mean Cheep.. normaly you have to pay somebody over 100 to babysit in this town but I do it for 25$ and for as long as you need.. ya I geuss I kinda do sound pathic.. I keep haveing a recurring dream that I'm at the high school on the football feild and somebody comes and slashes my thoart.. in away.. I geuss that could happen because.. my best friend Kp was around at the time in the city and right now she moved away.. so I doubt that going to happen untill april march.. right now I feel like my gut is in my thoart.. and people have thought I've tried to hurt my self my Damn cat sratches look like I cut my self.. some people think I'm gonna slit my wrists.. maybe I should it dosn't matter much.. of course I would dissapoint my other friend who going threw a hard time himself.. I mean he came out durring highschool you gotta be really brave or dumb.. and he a Genious so he really brave in order to do that.. he moved away in grade 3-4. But this is just me rambling on. Life just plan sucks.. Who am I kidding maybe I should just finsh grade 10 and die.. or least do something horble and hide.. The only guy I had a chance with my ex named chris .. he was the only guy I really really really cared for.. and he had to go and lie to me about moveing.. it seems that when ever I get close to somebody they move.. and I'm just staying in one place.. maybe I should let some manica go and kill me... it be alot quicker if they did it then I would.. I'm not sure about anything anymore.. I just plan in enjeral hate my life.. I've been haveing frequent nightmares.. I even had a dream about school and thats just a nightmare of it self..

thats all I'm writeing from now..
bye for now I geuss untill I feel like rambling on again.






User Comments: [2] [add]
GothicGhost
Community Member
avatar
commentCommented on: Mon Jan 24, 2005 @ 09:46pm
Yeah, I remember someone once telling me that there are other people who've had it worse then me. And I wonder who that someone could be, huh? Jeeze, all I see here is a Highschool girl depressed because she can't find a boy friend. Wow, that's real depressing, go ahead, kill yourself cuz you don't have a GUY to support you. That's the statement of a real coward, good luck with that.


commentCommented on: Tue Jan 25, 2005 @ 01:47am
look I'm just blowing off steam I'm kinda in a bad mood I wolk up in a bad mood again oh and I have finals to worry out a prenvical I wont be able to take and another year of high school I'm gonna have to do again thanks to my Dumb a** teacher who can't teach his way out of a paper bag so if you wanna be a total b***h to me ya.. But Nick there is people who have it a hell of alot wrose then you and I know a guy who has it way wrose then you and he's mean to me Always but Want to know something I'm nice to him weather he likes it or not I'm not gonna go down to your or his level of thinking. Infact I tryed to warn you about a few things about what your doing right now.. But nobody seems to listion.. So I'm just not gonna help people anymore.. my counsalor Said I did help a girl who had it a hell of alot wrose then you. and she's my friend still wan't to know how I helped her I told her to stand up for herself her parents were doing mental abuse too her and want to know somehing its her mom compleat fault well her parents.. they pay no attion to her what so ever and she has 2 siblings 2, 4 years apart from her and they get attion whenever the family go's out she left behind, She gets the same lunch everyday which isn't healthly at all. She wasn't aloud to eat dinner with the family, and only aloud to do her homework for 1 hour and she had to have it all done before 6 Pm and then go to bed when her 2 siblings got to go to bed at 10 pm. I don't find that fair do you and she may not get hit but mental can be wrose then phsycal at times.. oh and she's been hit before she's been through alot. And I helped her.. I'm just kinda sad that I wasn't able to help you maybe if you didn't have compleat utter morons in the white house and a better schooling system and kids who think that they should be aloud to kill others because there racist or sexist I be able to help you. But I can't So I'm sorry of what you think of me is bad but I just Give I give and I give and all I get is Bs about me people being jerks to me a stalker and more people hateing me.. So I'm way down in the Dumps As I said I have Finals my wallet was stolen. God I can't wait till I'm 19 I can move out of this God foreshaken town.. I bet at some point you thought That people in Canada had it better in some ways ya but No we don't we don't have it better in fact I'm torminted everyday I don't wan't to go to school because I'm afraid that someday somebody may take more then a rummer serious and actshly go threw and hurt me. and all I do is help I'm The Good Kid I don't do Drugs.. I may have a small Buzz once in every 6 mounths but I help people.. and all I get is BS BS BS BS. and Somebody Calling me TRASh because I was just trying to warn them. All I can say is I'm trying to be a friend and I can't take it anymore.. So I quite.. I'm not Going to be a friend. Oh and I don't go out. Infact my parents don't care if I'm out for a full night because I have no baisc Curfue.. I'm only looking forword to this summer where I can leave this crap land for 2 days and stay with my family.



Hope Chan
Community Member
User Comments: [2] [add]
 
 
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