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25th-Jan-2009 10:12 pm - How do you know when you have gone insane?
waycest
So yeah, lets just say that if I compared myself to Melody I would be looking quite insane now. Do you want to know why? Well, it may be one thing to be dreaming about people, but every night? And then I have begun to pretend in my own little head that I am dating Frank Iero. Yes, I feel completely insane now. And I sort of understand Melody's point now. Yeah, I thought I might tell all the people that have me in their friends that I have begun that kind of things.
Yes, I know Frank doesn't know I exist. But its still fun to pretend right?
God I sort of want to talk to Melody right now, and maybe apologize a lot.
17th-Jan-2009 01:29 pm(no subject)
waycest
When the perfect world you have created for your self has become almost a night mare, all the games you play have trouble in them, then something is wrong. The perfect world you create isn't perfect, and you begin to hate it, and all, then you need to start over.
~Stacy
Lets just say one viewing per night since I got it on the second of January. Okay I wish my Kyle Cease dvd would work in my dvd player.
So tomorrow is Friday, the wrapping up of the 2nd quarter, and then next week midterms. Lets just say with everything turned in and done I feel less stressed. You might be thinking Stacy feels stressed? Yes almost always, but I hide it. I hide a lot of things.
Yeah, and although some of my feelings do come out, but there a re still a million things I feel on the inside. Yeah, and I don't think I'll be telling too many people. Although I think Sarah and Katie probably know almost everything, almost.
Soooo.... 4/25... check the date on ticketmaster at merriweather in DC. $36 is really good price, and lets just say I think about Melody a lot still.
Hehe I may of ruined her life but every time I hear the line "why don't the world revolve around me?" I think of her screaming it out side, and us just giving her looks. I think its slightly ironic that she said that a lot right before Folie a Deux, and that line is used in the song. It stands out every time Patrick sings it.
You know I didn't make any resolutions, because I didn't keep up with my normal tradition this year. But then again I don't think that theres much that I want to change. Besides my mom and brother situation everything else seems to be going okay in my life. Okay not perfect but okay.
I've had this idea for a fic, maybe I'll get it done before Sarah's birthday. Maybe I should do that for her, cuz god knows what I'm going to get her.
I feel like Ashley and Tana are bringing me down from my happy cloud, with all their drama. And now that its after the holidays things "seem" to be straightening out some. Although I haven't rped in the way that I have before for a while. The only rping is owning mcr or some crap with chandler, and we know when to quit with that. Though now shes all like ditching everyone onto me for Trace Cyrus. I think something might be slightly wrong with her. Mikey and Bob are hers and Frank is mine... Yeah sorry too much detail.
So anyway, I am excited for Mid-terms. Yeah excited. This week was the most stress I think I have ever felt because of english and all. And next week and the week after that aren't going to be normal weeks. Yeah come on 4 day weekend.
So I think I am going to get some writing done, and just smile that I am actually home this weekend. And I hope that I get to talk to my friends from England, because I so miss talking to them. I havent changed my msn icon since the last time I talked to Flick. Yeah and until I talk to Flick again I wont change it. Idk that s**t feels sacred now.
I guess I should go do something really productive now. Rant at you all later. lol.
3rd-Jan-2009 02:03 pm - LOTMS
waycest
Hell yeah! Two days after new years I got my package I ordered offline. I got tired trying to find what I want in stores, so why not look online?
Well I ordered some stuff off of the my chem website. And I am getting a free poster with it.
I also ordered some cds from another website. I got Lotms, Tbpid and Heartbreak in Stereo. I was so excited when I got home, and my mom said that they were already in.
I had to get off the computer at 11 lastnight. I spent from 11 to 3 in the morning watching lotms and tbpis. I used that time to also get some part of 5dubb done. It was almost impossible to write, I was so caught up in it.
Lotms also gave me ideas, to make it better, and more realistic. I don't think I'm going to write a mpreg. Regular preg was hard enough to write. I can only imagine mpreg. Maybe they'll adopt later... who knows.
I think I was having a trouble trying to capture truely who they are while watching lotms. But the again Mikey did say "Bob is a sexy beast," and I nearly fangirl screamed.
28th-Dec-2008 11:22 pm - What the Hell?
waycest
I am bassically a big dork that likes to read the booklets from the cds where it gives credit to other people other than the band for creating the cd.
I got the new Fall Out Boy Cd, Folie a Deux (or what I like to call French for Fondle a duck). The whole booklet is lyricless. Okay pics of the band is okay. I like my lyrics in the booklet but I guess I'll have to deal.
The last page though I saw, and there were actually words on it. It was saying that Brendon Urie was in 20 Dollar Nose Bleed, and other people did What a Catch, Donnie.
But to my surprise, I saw a huge mistake. It said that Brendan Urie... was there in part of decaydance/fueled by ramen. Brendon's name spelt Brendan. I looked to the other two times that his name was said in the top, and both were spelt correctly.
Someone didn't catch their spelling mistake. I thought it funny that something like that would happen, and in almost all of the cd things too. So if you have a copy, check it out and see if you have the mistake.
28th-Dec-2008 03:36 pm - Dreams...
waycest
SO I had this super awesome dream...
Panic was playing at my school for some reason. After the concert, the cafeteria was used for backstage and what not. There was a bunch of people there, but I managed to talk to Jon, and bass playing. But it was only for a short amount of time. I got to Brendon and got his autograph. I tried to find Ryan, at first, I couldn't though. So I got Brendon to sign for Ryan. I looked at the signature and it said Ryro. I was surprised that it said that. I then found him at one of the "special" tables. And he was standing in front of me like a sexy God, or something. And then we talked about stuff, and everytime I mentioned Fanfiction, he would pretend like I didn't mention it. So we talked about stuff like his dogs.
And then my mom woke me up.
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30th-Jan-2009 10:44 pm - [protected post] Loneliness...
waycest
There's only one I want to be with right now. And until I get that one to understand, in my mind, it's substituted by the person of Frank Iero. Frank holds me at night, or during the day, when I need it. To cuddle. to be company, when I feel so lonely.
I love my mom, a lot. And I want to be there for her. But theres only so much I can take of her presence. She complains about Jenni all the time, when Gary is killing her like Kevin is Killing Jenni. I can see it, but they can't. Love does make you blind. And when you want it but can't get that kind of love, you start to go crazy and pretending like Frank Iero is your boyfriend. It seems like the perfect solution. Create this super hot person in your mind, rich, everything, without any bad qualities, and then you go insane with it. Because it's so perfect.
She won't realize how taking the net will literally bring me to my downfall. Because then I can't talk to the ones who keep me slightly attatched to reality. And without them, I'll fall and not be me anymore.
P.s. I am so friends locking this one because I don't want her to catch my posts anymore. This means signing out of it too
30th-Jan-2009 03:32 am - [protected post] Desolation Row
waycest
Hell Yeah! They played it today at 3:33 am on the radio that like only played Famous Last Words and the Black Parade. Maybe they'll begin to play more MCR. Hopefully at like later times of the day when people are actually up. MCR kicks a**. ******** M. Manson who made fun of Frank's shortness and s**t like that. I thought his music was good, but I do not support him after hearing that s**t. MCR are my homies. <3
29th-Jan-2009 05:25 am - [protected post] rant for today...
waycest
Feb 16th my life begins the first step of going to hell. That step is that my mom starts dayshift. It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't at like 6 to whatever. What the hell? Like I have to have some way to get to school and all. It's going to be getting up earlier and going somewhere else until I have to get on the bus to school. ******** this is going to be so hard. and I won't want to do it.
Ugh wait till step 2...
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5th-Feb-2009 08:25 pm - [protected post] Posting...
waycest
You know the only thing I ever seem to have been doing was writing. And I got my heads stuck so far in the clouds, that reality pulled me down by my throat and threatened to kill me if I didn't get my s**t together. Okay... maybe that's slightly confusing, and dramatic but it works.
But basically, I wasn't doing my school work (homework especially) and then I was abandoning some of my family for other things. For example, I'd rather stay home instead of going to my grandmother's house, or my dad's house, so I can post and such.
Well that posting, writing, my head was filled with ideas. And they wouldn't stop, and I wouldn't stop writing. I mean you can see all the stories I have written since September. Yeah, that's how long I wrote consistently. Like if I wasn't posting on the internet, then I would be writing in school, when I was supposed to be doing my homework. It was really bad. I kept coming up with more and more ideas. And then the Bikey chapts, and all. I was driving myself nuts with them.
So now it is February, I have no urge really to write, but to actually get my homework done. If I did my homework last quarter, I would of pulled off really good grades. But instead I ******** up and made 70's which isn't bad considering I'm in Honors for most of my classes, and they could of given me way worse.
I do feel bad for all of my friends that read this stuff that I write though. It's feels like I should be writing something for them. Well I did promise a chapter for every holiday and we have Valentine's Day and President's Day coming up soon. So I guess I will write some Bikey love for those days... (Valentine's Day especially), while I am at home with nothing to do and no where to go. And love sucks... so I don't really like Valentine's Day, but for my mom it's better than Christmas.
I also feel bad for ditching Sarah and Katie for the past few days. I didn't have any clue that Katie was going to be staying after school, so I didn't know that meant Sarah walking by herself to the stop. But I feel like I can't make the people around me happy. I know Katie is somewhat a perfectionist, but I can't make her happy when she has grades she doesn't like. (She did way better than me) And then I feel like me and Sarah aren't connecting completely. She talks about anime more than ever, and I can only get into a few. I mean I don't watch much, unless it relates to music. Somedays, I feel like the worse friend ever.
Take an example of today. I left them early to get on a bus that I normally don't get on. But I knew I had to leave early to get on that one. I wasn't going directly home anyway. I was trying to wait patiently, because Sarah doesn't like me to open her locker, so I went to the bathroom, came back out, and she and Katie were in a middle of a conversation. Well I had no clue what they were talking about. So I stood there like waiting for a few more minutes until she opened the locker. I also went over to Ashley, to ask her something about Tana. And then my mom called. I pulled out my coat, didn't even zip it up, hugged them and left. I feel like there is something wrong with me when it comes to them. I sort of wish Sarah would talk online to me some more. I would be slightly happier.
But I rarely see them any more for like a few minutes in the morning, and then a few minutes after school and then when ever we're passing by each other. I've begun going to the gym during my lunch periods, because I don't want to be in the cafeteria alone. It's hard, and I don't like many of the girls there anyway.
So when I get home I look forward to getting on the internet and chatting it up with a few of the girls that I normally talk to. They're so cool to me and all, and they all seem to be younger. I feel like the internet is like a place that I can belong to these people. It's friendship, and knowing that you're not alone. I'm not the only out cast that MCR saved the life of. Yeah all of them I talk to are MCR survivors. I wish they could all meet each other one day.
13th-Feb-2009 07:30 pm - [protected post] If you really knew me...
waycest
Stole this from Olivia because this is actually something I feel like doing. So, finish the sentence. If you really knew me, you'd know...
If you really knew me, you'd know... I wear myself down trying to make sure other people are happy before I am.
If you really knew me, you'd know... At the end of the day I am super miserable and can't stand to even be myself.
If you really knew me, you'd know... I have trouble making good friends, and I doubt the people who are my friends all the time.
If you really knew me, you'd know... I want to always know why we are doing something, because I'll really not do it if it doesn't have a purpose.
If you really knew me, you'd know... I feel more conected to people on the computer, than the people I call my best friends.
Now it's your turn. Finish the sentence.
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6th-Jul-2009 08:56 pm - [protected post] Just a few words...
waycest
RYDEN WILL LIVE ON IN THE HEARTS.
Ryden doesn't seem possible right now, but think of it postively, and maybe you can see evidence of Ryden.
WE LOVE RYDEN!!!
18th-Jun-2009 07:21 pm - [protected post] A needed update...
waycest
Sun
The sun, it shines
Gone is the rain
And everything is beautiful again
“Too much sun can be a bad thing” they say
It destroys crops,
Burns skin
Sometimes the rain is needed
But right now I love the shine.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I haven't been able to get a moment much to myself. I feel like I am going to go insane if I don't stop this. Maybe I need to go home one day soon.
First week I got out of school on wenesday, and went to Katie's house. Then I spent til Monday there, when we decide to go to my house. Then on wenesday we split up only for me to go to my grandma's house til Friday. On Friday I went to my dad's house, and Sunday night I went home. Monday I was on the move again, and was back over Katie's house.
Hell it's not even the not having privacy to myself thing thats bothering me. Its the I need some kind of time alone. Over Katie's I feel like we always have to go to the store, and if that isn't bothering me, we pick at each other slightly to get on each other's nerves. I don't know how thats even possible. Maybe I am now begining to miss my mom.
I guess other than that I am fine. I wrote the poem above to show my feelings. I mean take the sun as a metaphor for time hanging out with Katie, and the rain as the time away. Crops is my productivity and the skin is my brain. I hope it mmakes more sense like that.
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18th-Jun-2009 07:18 pm - [protected post] Writer's Block: I Can Relate
waycest
What fictional character do you most identify with?
View 517 Answers
I think I can most identify with Selene from Underworld. She wants to believe what her clan has told her but it is all lies and she later she finds out the truth. She has to destroy the people she loved and make out the truth from the lies. I feel this way all the time, especially with my friends. Most of the time I learn that they are talking behind my back and the relatioship is destroyed.
* Tags:writer's block
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1st-Jun-2009 03:53 pm - [protected post] I remeber...
waycest
I remember when I thought Livejournal was the coolest website in the world and I would get on everyday just to read story updates, and post my own story updates.
I remember when I used to love Sarah to death and wanted to hang out with her like every day, so I would travel an hour and half to get to her house during the summer.
I remember when Katie was almost like a name without a face because I didn't really know her. I would talk to her most over msn.
I remember when I used to talk to people on the internet a lot, having nothing to do, and making them feel like my best friends.
I remember feeling soo depressed that suicide would seem like the answer no matter what. I never felt good enough, and I always seemed to come last.
I remember wanting to hang out with Lacie all the time. She seemed like the coolest person in the world, and I wanted to hang out with me.
I remember when I thought I needed some kind of mental abuse to get through the day. Sometimes physical abuse would do just fine.
I remember when getting out of school meant going to your grandma's house for most of the summer. Or at least thats what I did all summer.
I remember wanting to be on the computer 24/7. It had a lot of interesting things, and could keep me easily entertained.
All of this was me a year ago, and now it's not. It's the complete opposite.
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14th-May-2009 09:41 pm - [protected post] (no subject)
waycest
Well, hmm lets see more randomness to post to my journal. I am actually home today, but I won't be tomorrow. Somedays I feel like I fail being a human being.
I feel like I am missing out on things, such as awesome band fics and my favorite writers. Everyone seems to be having some kind of trouble trying to find the free time to post or something that they want to do. I remember about a year ago I was so obsessed with lj and fanworks that it wasn't even funny. Now I only get on when its like my last resort.
I usually am stalker like to my favorite writers but now I don't even want to.
I keep writing and I keep trying to post, but its all on my fanworks.org account. You can go there if you want, and read some of my new things. But I really don't even feel like posting to here, like its too much work posting to both.
If only Sarah got done that next part of Bounce, then I would post it. But she's into other things and I guess I have to too.
Hell I know I've been changing but have I really changed that much from last year? It would be really creepy if someone said yes. But then again I have no idea about myself any more.
I don't feel like even stalking Mcr or Panic or anything right now. I don't know, but its all seem to have gotten boring or something. I think people need to get lives and stop being on the internet. Go out and try to hang out or something.
I guess thats about it for now, if anyone cares to still read my journal.
~Stacy
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9th-May-2009 11:27 pm - [protected post] Long time no write...
waycest
Ehh it Saturday May 9, 2009 and I have had an awesome day hanging out with Katie. I mean this. But yet I feel like I spend a little too much time with Katie. I feel like if I'm not on the internet then I lose out and have to catch up on a week worth of info within 20 minutes. I feel like I am slowly losing friends, and annoying people that maybe just maybe I shouldn't be annoying.
My phone is dead, and I do not have a charger for it. And I have plenty of things that I need to be doing on Sunday. That includes reading all first five chapters of the Great Gatsby, typing up my Physics paper, and trying to work on my Foundations of Tech prodject. Its a lot to deal with and I thought Friday was the due date for most of it, yet I had this whole weekend and I procrastinated. Isn't that wonderful?
I miss reading stories and talking to Haley and Chandler and even writing my own stories.
They said they would be back within 15 minutes, well its been like 30 minutes. This sucks in a way. I guess I'll go play the Sims now and make the characters fall in love....
One last thing before I go: LOVE IS NOT OVER-RATED!
* Tags:randomness
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1st-May-2009 09:14 pm - [protected post] um...
waycest
God I haven't posted here in a while. Like I have anything to post...
Everything I want to blurt out to the world should be kept in secret and definitely not said here...
Somedays my life seems to suck so much. I've been going to Katie's house so it doesn't suck. I hate being home. I feel so lonely. I mean my mom is usually talking about something that I don't want to talk about, and people on the internet eventually get off and leave me alone. I don't like that alone feeling. It's slightly creepy.
Why does Melody ******** do things to annoy me and then when I ask her to stop she only makes it worse, which makes me feel like putting her through the worst pain ever. Like poking an umbrella through her eye that one day. *Sigh* I'm such a terrible person somedays.
I'm pretty sure if someone is going to read this, they aren't going to comment, and I would love response from people.
Some days I feel like there's only three people who care about what I feel. Those three are Haley, Chandler and Katie. Haley makes me feel missed all the time, and considering I'm like one of her only friends... Chandler is sweet too, and some time doesn't see my problems, but if I tell her, she'll help. Katie is the best person in the world to make me smile. If it wasn't for Katie, I might be dead by now.
I feel as if Sarah doesn't care much. Of course she doesn't talk to me much anymore. I don't know what it is, and I feel horrible all the time around her. I can't stand it really, because she makes me feel like a horrible person.
I don't know, Katie is one of the only ones who doesn't make me feel like a horrible person. She makes me feel like I should be alive and be here on the Earth and all.
* Tags:chandler, katie, meldoy, randomness, rant, sarah
* Location:home home home
* Mood:melancholymelancholy
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28th-Nov-2009 07:53 pm - [protected post] Writer's Block: Book worms unite!
waycest
What are the three best books you have ever read and what are the three worst? What made them so good or bad?
First question listed was submitted by crazylove16. (Follow-up questions, if any, may have been added by LiveJournal.)
View 1114 Answers
I think the best three books were:
The Black Tattoo
The Dresden Files (Okay maybe thats a series)
And the third book of Harry Potter
The worst books are (Probably because I was forced to read them):
House on mango street
scarlet letter
and in the time of butterflies
6th-Oct-2009 07:38 pm - [protected post] Old Blog, New Way
waycest
So I have this new way through MSN to post blogs to livejournal, which seems totally cool. If I totally got this hooked up to some other things then I might be able to post all at once from one thing to another like twitter to the world. Hmm I wonder how I can hook this all up. Well least I’ll be able to post my stories from this too, which might work better than I think.
I got a new mcr hoodie, and two mcr shirts, and time on my phone, and the used concert tixs. So I’m all happy now. Nothing much new from there, cept maybe the school bathroom being set on fire on last Friday.
10th-Sep-2009 06:44 pm - [protected post] Time who has it?
waycest
Cuz I don't seem to. Its all weird because this has been my first posts in months, and yeah, I really probably should be doing my homework right now. But I need to relax, Its thursday! Why not kick off the weekend already, and just think of having to go to school tomorrow as a fun activity? Idk maybe I'm just trying to pursuade myself that it all will be okay. Just one more year of high school and I'll be done.
Yet I now feel like I need to be that nerd again, and read some fanfictions which I probably haven't done for like a year now or something. Now that my one friend is all into the Japanese, and the other is not really want to read it, I have nothing that I should be keeping up with. I guess I need to log on more often, make more posts, do more things.
I should make a list of all the things I should do...
~read more fanfics
~type up my fics that I have written in a folder and post them (especially to livejournal)
~Get more out there.
Hmm good enough for now.
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I needed somewhere to post things as I was deleting them from somewhere else, and what better place than here where no one reads things anyway...
So I guess it's time I actually use this as a journal. It is the purpose right?
waycest
Sometimes it seems that we lie to ourselves to keep ourselves (or others) happy. Sometimes we hide our anger under "Everything happens for a reason." Really we're just trying to keep cool about the problem, but underneath those words are so much more, it's the anger which something didn't happen like we expected or wanted it to go.
Sometimes we try to convince ourselves when we feel the complete opposite about something. An example of mine would be: "I'm perfectly happy being single./I don't want a relationship."
Really what I feel is loneliness. I use these words to convince myself that it's not what I'm feeling. I don't want a relationship. Relationships only cause trouble, and ruins friendships. Besides they hold you back from your goals and your dreams.
However, no matter how much I hang out with my best friend, or how much of my life she does take up, it does not cover that hole in my soul which wants to be all cuddly. It's an empty feeling that I'm not too used to.
With the way that I've been living my life, I've been more "cold" towards people. I've changed to match what my friend wants, which is some distance. Truly, I am one of those "touchy-feely" kind of people. What this means is I want to hug all my friends all the time and sit so close to them that I can poke them at random intervals.
With this new happiness though, that closeness has almost disappeared from my life. I respect my friend's wishes to not hug them all the time, and not be so close.
I've always been one to just listen to what my head tells me. So if I want to mess around with people and tickle them, I would. But now I don't, because I know my friends wouldn't want it. I remember basically groping my friends out in public and being all perverted. That's really me.
As with any friends though, I change. I change for each one of them. I get interested in things that they like for the most part, and I become more like them. I don't know why I copy-cat them most of the time, but I end up doing that. But it wasn't until this group of new friends that I feel like I'm not even me any more.
That's why recently I just want to cuddle with pillows and stuffed animals, because really I have no one else to be close physically with. This past Sunday I sat cuddled with Maura's pillow because I just wanted to cuddle, to be close with something since I couldn't be close to someone.
In the end, I want a relationship. I want some kind of closeness.
But I don't feel that anyone is going to ever want me in that way. That's why I'm happy being out of a relationship.
5th-Aug-2012 03:59 am - [protected post] An Update
waycest
So I was looking through my old posts tonight, (it's 3:17am here) and god was I an angsty teenager. sigh
But anyway, since I haven't posted in forever, I thought a little update needed to come from this. Let's see what I've failed to tell you.
So I have a tumblr: drowingintheashes.tumblr.com if you wanna follow. It's pretty cool. I reblog a lot there. Sometimes I rant on there. I don't normally talk to people out of im.
So I have this friend Maura. She's pretty much the thing that keeps me living now. Looking through my posts, it used to be Sarah and Katie. But let me tell you, they're kind of old news. Katie and I dated for almost three years. I broke it off about a month before our three year anniversary. I did it over the internet. I know that makes me a huge douche but whatever.
The first year Katie and I were together were pretty great. Then by the second year things seemed to turn for the worse. Slowly our relationship went downhill. She began college last year, and our relationship just fell apart faster. I wasn't completely sure I could deal with a long distance relationship, but I tried. The second semester we had barely been talking and then I broke it off. Maura had probably helped in convincing me that I should probably call it quits, but then again I wasn't happy. Man I cried the day she left for Iowa. My mom drove her to the airport, along with her mother. I got out of the car and helped Katie get her bags and I cried a lot. I cried on the way home. It was one of the worst things that happened to our relationship.
Sarah on the other hand, she went to North Carolina. Not by choice mind you. She was forced to move down there. She's been down there since my 12th grade year. I'm going into my third year of college. It's been too long. I still keep in touch with her, but our friendship has really lost what we used to have.
Then again, when I started dating Katie, she and I were pretty much mad at each other. Katie made me keep our relationship a secret. A day before the move to North Carolina, I ended up telling Sarah what had been going on. She was pretty hurt, but she got through it with me. Her and I made up. Katie and Sarah, that ******** them over for eternity.
Getting out of high school was the best thing ever, or so it seemed. At least I had people who would listen to me some of the time. Or so I thought. I made some new "friends" since going to college, but none of them has been as great as Maura Bernstein.
She's pretty ******** cool. Let me tell you more about her.
Maura Bernstein is pretty much my best friend in the whole world. She has changed my life for the better.
First things off I met her through a friend. They played tennis together, and well I was happening to be sitting with said friend, Jordan, when Maura was wanting to talk to people and came over to where we were sitting. First impression, she's beautiful and stylish.
As soon as she began talking, she was super cool. This was the kind of person I aimed to be when I "grew up". She reminded me of my cousin Jenni before Jenni got with Kevin and killed her personality. (They broke up again, by the way)
Well I immediately added her on facebook. Best decision ever. One day, I was feeling all depressed and posted something about it on facebook, and she said to instant message her. So I did. We ended up talking about rping to make me feel better. She was there for me, and I barely even knew the girl. She was more there for me than anyone had ever been.
Time went on and I hung out with her at school. They had this group at a certain time between classes, and because they were all smokers, they called it smoker's club. I didn't smoke but I sat with them, mostly to hang out with Maura. She was cool and it gave me the only opportunity to hang out with her. Of course I didn't get to do much talking when everyone else was.
She graduated that semester, and spring semester I started without her. Well she had been super busy, but we made plans for me to come hang out with her one Sunday afternoon. The plan was for me to head back home for the night and then go to school on Monday. Well that night we figured it was probably better for me to spend the night, and go to school from there. I didn't have anything but my computer on me, and so I began taking notes on my computer. (Everyone else seemed to do it. It'd be fine for me, right?)
Well this we never planned to be a every week thing. Maybe once or twice. But Sundays became so convenient for us that we began doing it every week. So for the past 7 months I have been going to Maura's house every Sunday and spending the night into Monday. As time goes on we find more things to add to our Sunday ritual, which include: Taco Bell, Smoothie King, and Denny's.
Because I've been going every Sunday, I've also become really good friends with her friends. They are some of the most amazing people I have ever met, and they make me feel like they truly care about me. I also would like to mention that I have finally found where I belong. Everyone around Maura just love me being around. Her parents and brother expect me now, and I have became a permanent thing in their lives. Even Maura's other best friend, Marlayna, likes me, which is apparently hard to do on the first time meeting her.
Over the weeks, Maura and I have just become closer. I make gifts for her, like a Andy Biersack doll and the elder wand (from Harry Potter), and she buys me things, like beats (though they are for my birthday).
So the changes that Maura's made from being in my life? Well I'm depressed less. I still get my rounds of feeling worthless, and she's always there to help me through those too. Tonight when I got really depressed, I didn't think about killing myself though. They were more like thoughts of killing the things that were making me unhappy. I guess that's better because I would never really commit a murder, suicide however, I had tried. I look forward to my Sundays with her, and I know she looks forward to them as well. They're the best things that had ever happened in the history of the world.
Okay, so enough with Maura, and back to some updating because I have old journal entries on my mind. Let's see. The one cat which we had, and we named Bells, well she kept shitting in the tub. My mom decided to put her back out on the streets, and she was in heat at the time. So she got pregnant, and had four kittens. One which we adopted and named Spot. My grandma and aunt had kept one and named Radar, Jenni kept one and Katie got one and named him Ziya. They're all happy cats.
I also have another cat, Jack who looked pretty beaten up when we brought him home. But now he too is healthy and he's such the love bug.
And finally we have a dog, or well Gary does. Her name is Angel, and she's a black lab/whippet mixed with a bit of chow. She's super hyper all the time. I've begun to grow attached to her.
So I've pretty much lost all contact with Hayley and Flick, though I've found some new friends, Alix and Faith. I roleplay a lot. I've done all kinds of things: Bellatrix Lestrange, Helena Bonham Carter, Ville Valo, Butters (South Park), and I might do Kate Beckinsale soon. I saw a post about me wanting to join a rp community. Well I'm in a couple. They're more fun than I thought, and it's only 3 years later.
I've really gotten out of touch with the fanfiction and such. Anything that I had been working on has just been put away, and will probably never be touched again. Life goes on. I'll work on more writings eventually. I may or may not post them ever.
Funnily I had read about being annoyed by being imed so much. Now I feel bored when I'm not iming at least two people, though most of it is rp stuff. Nights with a lot of rping usually are great nights.
Life has certainty been interesting for the past year or so since I've posted. And right now, things just seem to be looking up. I have Maura here for me now, and she's been a better friend than anyone I have ever known. She listens to me. I think that's the best part of our friendship. That is the greatest thing anyone could ever give me. However sometimes I decide I think to blurt out my thoughts other times, and no one cares so my feelings get hurt again, but she's there to pick up my feelings and bandage them back together. She's truly amazing, the best friend I could ever ask for.
Well now it's 4 am and I need to get up in 4 hours. So I guess that's all for now.
Lots of love,
-Stacois GFNP Thiess.
22nd-Jun-2011 09:06 pm - [protected post] I'm not dead yet!
waycest
So I know its been a year since I've actually posted anything on here. I've been else where. Less fanfiction, more other things. I've kept writing, but no one ever seemed to read my stuff any more, so I never posted any more. It made me angry. Why write when no one wants to hear what you say anyway.
Well my friend, Sarah, she said, If I wanted to write, it shouldn't matter who read it.
So tonight I'm going to write, something. Probably a lame a** one shot. But hey its better than nothing. And to anyone who is still around, reading my blog after a year of MIA, then good for you. Thanks.
Here's for tonight, and maybe more nights of me posting something biggrin
* Mood:cheerfulcheerful
27th-May-2010 12:14 pm - [protected post] Writer's Block: Gadget Conundrum
waycest
You're going on your dream vacation and you can only take one gadget with you. Camera, music player, cell phone, laptop or something else – what do you bring and why? Which other ones would you miss most?
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View 373 Answers
I would bring my camera. I don't care if people don't have contact with me, although my family might have a problem with that. But I love taking pictures and remembering those times where I took those pictures.
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