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I went to the stables today to go riding. The air was so fresh from all the rain, I felt like I was renewed. Not just the earth was green and bright, but I was. The sun had dried all the water from the dirt, just like I'd finally dried my tears. This morning I saw Hatori. I mean, I went to see Hatori, and Kana. It was awkward at first. I felt a silence welling up inside me, but there was a look in Hatori's eyes, those green jewels kept flashing a gratitude at me, and when he turned to Kana, they beamed with love. A love that was stronger than I had even seen, even when our relationship was strong.
You see, toward the end of us, I knew that the feelings we had for each other were steadily dying away. We held on because it was a sense of security, we'd found nothing else to hold on to that had remained, so we clung to each other like a mother and child.
When Kana came along he talked about her a lot. I knew that he wanted to return to her, but I never let on. Not until the ball. That night was the first time I saw him look at her. That look in his eyes, that forlorn look broke my heart, and I had to let him go.
So, when I went there this morning, I knew what I'd see, I expected it. Even then though, It was hard. Even when you know something is going to happen it still hurts to see it, experience it. Anyway, Kana is a beautiful woman, with short redbrown hair and a smile that lights up a room. She's the perfect balance to him. I couldn't help but smile at them together.
I visited them at Kana's house. She was sitting in the living room and Hatori was in the kitchen making breakfast, which I was invited to. We are still friends Hatori and I, it's just odd to see him acting as though we were never anything else, like our relationship, our love was nothing more. But it was okay, I felt at peace with the idea, even though I felt I was lacking in things to say.
Anyway, as we sat down to breakfast Kana began the conversation by talking about the weather. We both agreed that it was awful and no good for gardening, to which Hatori hesitantly agreed. The conversation soon turned to comical dinner parties ruined by a passing shower, but then it took a turn for the worst. Kana wasn't trying to be hurtful but she said something that stung me.
"All the food!" I laughed commenting on it being soaked and uneatable
"Those dresses! Utterly ruined, like pasta on prom night," she laughed, but I fell silent. Of course, my thoughts flashed to my own recent Ball incident. (see Day 3). I glanced up at Hatori who was coughing into his napkin and had obviously caught the expression on my face. Had he seen what happened that night? The total wreak I was in? Kana obviously hadn't. This is where I decided to show him that I was over everything that had happened between us, and that the only portion of that night that had upset me, was the dress.
"It's happened to me once, I got a full plate of pasta all over my green Ball gown," I tried to laugh, but it sounded fake to me. Hatori sighed across from me and excused himself from the table to clear it off. "Luck enough Kora was able to fix it for me afterward."
"Kora? Kora..." Kana pondered the name taking a sip of her juice. "Ah! My dress was designed by her."
"So your a fan?"
"Of course." The air had calmed slightly and Hatori had returned. He lit a cigarette and listened into our conversation for a while. When Kana and I were finished praising Kora's designs we fell silent again.
"Well, I should be..."
"...going, yes, I'll drive you. No need to get sick again," Hatori offered.
"Oh, one last thing," Kana ran out of the room and ran back in with a package. "Could you give this to Link for me? He left it here a while back, he might want it."
"Sure," I took the thin square brown wrapped object in my hands and followed Hatori outside. "Thanks."
"Thank you for coming, bye!" Kana waved from the doorway as we dashed into the rain.
"It should clear up soon," Hatori commented after the long silent ride.
"Hopefully," I answered.
"I'm afraid your not going to return that," Hatori pointed at the package I had wrapped in my arms.
"What are you talking about?"
"Link isn't here, he left, two days ago."
"Left?!" I could here the hysterics in my voice, not just in my head, I'm sure Hatori did too.
"Yes, he does occasionally. He just goes off. He doesn't tell anyone. Not even his closet friends. Zelda was the one who told me. Although I guess I'm breaking doctor codes by telling you."
"Wh-where does he go?"
"I don't know, but I know it's dangerous. I..." he paused a moment and turned his face away from me. "I don't think you should be talking to him. He's constantly followed by danger. I don't... I don't want to see you hurt."
"You don't want to see me hurt? Since when?" I felt furious, I didn't understand, I still don't, why I felt so strongly about it. "Since when did you care? Since when did it matter to you?"
"Since always," his voice remained calm.
"I can't understand you. For months we were together, and all it was was pain. Every time you talked about her my heart bled."
"I didn't know."
"I doubt that," was my cold hearted response. He fell silent, I tried to turn and slam the door on him, but he stood in the doorway, holding it open.
"I'm sorry, but I can't change how I feel. I didn't realize I was hurting you. I loved you too then." I couldn't answer him for a while but I felt the tears falling down my face. I couldn't respond to them, I knew that to acknowledge them would be to succumb to them. After a while, he reached forward and brushed my hair from my face. "If he means that much to you, you should smile, you always had a wonderful smile."
I looked at him gratified. I don't know what happened in those few moments, but the end of our encounter left me feeling as though we'd had everything and nothing. I felt at peace, but the tears still fell. He left the door way and I closed it softly, clutching the package against my chest. The tears were happy and sad all at the same time. I changed out of my wet clothes and into my riding gear as the sun came out.
That takes me to the stables.
I took the package with me, even though I knew Link wasn't going to be there. It made me feel better to know that I had something of his in my possession, even if I didn't know what it was.
Hatori always has good advice, but as I sit here writing, I can't bring myself to think about it logically. I don't think Link's dangerous at all, but I suppose time will have to tell, after all I can't avoid him until I give this item to it's proper owner, Link.