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Free games inside!!! ....updates, updates, updates....
Ya see Josh, thats the funny thing about all of this. When I do as I wish, such as refering to my friends here....you flip out on me.
I dunno whats right or wrong...whenever I am around or talking to Josh I feel like I'm walking on eggshells...afraid to make the wrong move and ruin everything...its so easy to ******** up in a relationship such as the one I am trying to persue with him. Say the wrong thing, make the wrong move, and poof...never hear from him again.
School was ok today.
I'ma beat up Travis. I'ma beat his a** with a ******** steel crow bar and I want everyone around to see as I beat his fat white a** into a pulp. 3nodding Thats certainly a given. He keeps refering to me like I'm some cheap slut or something...I hate boys, they talk to women in such a foul way. He doesnt' even talk to me anymore unless no one else is listening to him. Its pathetic, really. Now he's trying to make me jealous with a girl who doesn't even like him...again, he mistakens kindness for something more and I am going to ******** laugh my a** off when she ******** him over. 3nodding
I can't really remember school. I was tiered all day today....I got an extra hour of sleep though, so its all good. heart It wasnt' anywhere near as bad as yesterdays fatigue. whee
I can't really think of a responce to Chris's letter. I mean...the only thing in it is like his lifestyle and stuff and I mean...I dunno what to say. sweatdrop I do know...just...I guess this si just my sleepiness talking now.
Only reason why I remained optimistic today, is because today is Wednesday. Wednesday signifies teh middle of the week, its usually less stressful, mom gets off work early, no chores, mom buys us out to eat, and for that Wednesday is my favorite day of the week. heart Also the day of the week after I was born too 3nodding
I'm still numb. But being this way doesn't hurt anymore. It used to kill me to be like this...but now, its ok. 3nodding I just quit caring...all the feeling I ever had has went away....only thing I am trying to do now is just be better for the peopel I know still have my back. After the hell I have put some people through...their freindship is like...true to me. I see that now. I will protect and look after those who have been good to me for so long, its the least I can do for them always having my back. wink
I gotta make a grocery list for mom and look for some books at the library...but since I gave Greg my library card back in like November I'm sure I can't take out anymore books. sad He had teh tendency of ******** over the library when he found a book he liked...
God...I'm so hungry. crying
...and I can't WOE today...I think I'ma just go in guildless 'cause I'm so bored...maybe buff some people too....just random people. I'm do it on Zakia too, whos a priestess, they won't think of killing me. wink Most people think priestess in WOE means all vit (which effects HP)...people dont mess with high vit classes 4laugh and plus, I'll only be helping people. wink
I'm making an FS priest. On my bro's account though, sweatdrop since he plays on Loki and I'm outta spaces I'ma do that...
....there is this woman outside. She's like 19-24 with like 6 or 7 kids and she's washing her...broke down ugly car with her music blasting singing offtune. sweatdrop Her car is so ugly and old and she's otu there like its a 2005 'bins or something. gonk
I'ma go now. Edit later.
...oh, and excuse the title. xd its on this AOL disk sitting infront of me so I couldn't help myself.... 3nodding
Update 7:23pm
Currently suffering from extreme boredom, lonelyness, and numbness.
You wanna know why I always get so hyper and happy when Isaac gets off work? Why I talk so happy about it here and other shiznit? ....'cause Isaac makes one hell of a ******** effort to talk to me everyday after work. No matter how bad or good his day went, he comes to me in the same old calm cool and loving way. Not every few days or when he feels like it, he wants to talk to me everyday. I used to think it was 'cause he was a scary perv or somethign...but like, after a correct and adequet analysis of the sitautaion...he's just a freak-a-lik who loves the hell outta me. xd Not bad love...like...I dunno.
See....in the Joy Luck Club we're reading...well, I am reading ahead of the class...but in the chapter I'm on its about Waverly Jong. She talks about her first husband, her high school sweetheart who she loved so much but after her mothers critizing she grew disappoint in (plus he was cheatin on her sweatdrop ). Then her new boyfriend is like so...romantic and like loving even to her daugher who isn't even his and all this other cool and sweet stuff that reminds me of Izzy alot. Anotehr reason why it does is 'cause Izzy is half asian (like Waverly who is full Chinese) and her new boyfriend is like...caucausian 'n he has red hair and freckles which isn't me...btu I do have some freckles. whee
I miss Izzy everyday 'cause he is the only person (besides Chris...) who actually will sit down and talk to me and wont' leave until he's sure I'm ok. You have any ******** clue how good that feels? Its like the lack of love I have at home, he gives it all to me and I haven't even ever met him...all the stuff I am going through with Josh and Izzy is still there for me to fall back on and cry to if things don't work out...I mean...he's like how Chris is to me, a big brother who's there for me no matter what....
My stomach hurts so bad...I dunno whats wrong. So much pain...not like gunna make me cry but very uncomfortable....
I took another hour long nap today...I'm still sleepy...when I woke up, Iwasn't agitated though....
::sigh:: Another hour till I have someone to talk to and hang with. ::sigh:: I gotta wait 6 months till Izzy gets a regular schedule like me. sad
Oh well...back to RO...Mel won't level herself you know...
Update 8:03pm
I wanna change all my characters to boys on RO...
I wanna change and be new and be diffrent...
For some reason thoughts of Sann are strumming through my brain. Mostly because I look at two of my most precious items, which were from him.
They're not precious to me because of their value, but because he just...gave them to me. Its hard to look at the items, and then compare them to our nonexistant friendship now. I just wonder why he gave them to me...he loved his blush, and the decor bells could have made him millions...but he gave them to me. Why? Its a waste of ******** money, he doesnt' even talk to me anymore. Its these two gifts he gave me that confuse me so much...why would you give this to a person you dont' even talk to? You don't even know? Dont[' even WANT to know? ...its pointless, stupid, reckless, and so many other thigns I dont' feel like going into now.
I dunno...just like...if I gave someone gifts like that, I would stay incontact with them...but gifts are special to me. Like around holidays I usually don't get anything. So whatever gifts are bestowed upon me I cherish.
Still in I hate Travis mode. I hope teh ******** b***h burns and dies. So mean to say...so unlike me...but no one, especially not some ignorant, smelly, loud, retarded, fat white b*****d treats me as he is treating me. I hope he commits suicide as he claims he does and I hope he ******** dies. I'm sick of this. Sick of people stepping all over me. Sick of people. Period. I know, I know "your not suppose to wish death on people blah-blah-blah". Teh, if you could see me now you'd see me givin uyou the finger and showing you exactly how much I give a ******** care. I don't. I quit caring. Like he doesn't even talk to me anymore, what the ******** happened to "No matter what, we'll still be friends. I promise"? God I ******** hate boys everyone of them is alike. ....except those two I always say are diffrent. whee ...just pisses me off so much that he's being like this. I'm ready to just switch schools. I dont' even have to go back to school the rest of the year...with my grades I'd still pass all my classes with a C. 3nodding I just...it just pisses me off how he's being now. I know I'm not talking to him but I've been really depressed lately BECAUSE OF HIM. ...I'll send him an email, 3nodding I'd say it to his face, but with his behavior he doesnt deserve to talk to me.
...and I know I sound cocky, say hello to SELF CONFIDENCE. I mean, I sitll know in my heart I am better than no one else and no one is better than me, 3nodding
Mmm.....it is storming outside. I love the rain...its so pretty. It smells so nice in this trashy a** projects. It looks pretty falling from the sky and stuff...its dark outside, though...I remember when I was little I used to be scared of lighting...still kinda am...
Well...I'm off again to level my Melly. Bye
Update: 8:30pm
Here, read my email to Travis.
Subject : Drip-Drop
Its raining outside, and I'm bored as hell. Playing RO as usual, damn I love this game...
I'm pissed, angry, blah-blah-blah upset in any regards to you.
Your acting like a stuck up b***h and its getting on my last nerve's. I don't see why your behavior has become so juvinile. What happened to, "No matter what happen's we'll still be friends. I promise."? Your not acting like any kind of a friend.
Your treating me like I was a cheap one nighter you can't get off your d**k. Like I don't matter. Like I am not a person. I don't appreciate that s**t comming from ANYONE, especialluy not you.
I thought you were better than that. I mean, after all you were my most favorite of all my friends. But yoru lettign something--I don't know, nor do I wanna know--get to your head like an egotistical jackass with no sense of...well, anything.
I'd prefer to say all thsi s**t to your face. I hate sayign important s**t in emails and notes and s**t (as I hated my lame a** ******** up breakup reasons note), but you walk around like I'm not even worth talking to anymore.
I dont' see why your acting liek this. I wish you would grow up. This is not "forgive and forget", because before this all happene dyou atleast actually ******** spoke to me. Like in Chemistry you go abotu as if I'm not even there. You go all the way back to Shannon to share a book and stuff when you used to share with me. Honestly, I don't care who you share with because I hate sharing with anyone. Just thats one instance where you did not "forgive and forget". Your being so damn immature Travis.
Carry on these games of yours, I quit ******** caring about petty s**t a long time ago. Btu your ruining what little "rep" I have, and that I will not stand for.
So now tell me, why are you being like this? Just doesn't make sense to me. I mean, after all I "wasn't all that", anyway, remembver?
Your hurting my feelings alot with all this unnessary s**t. I mean I am really hurting and thats why i don't try to talk to you anymore. Im not ignoring you or being stuck up or whatever you think (if you do that anymore =_=)...just how your treating me is really unfair and I believe I deserve an answer.
Talk to you whenever you think I am "privlaged" enough to be spoken to.
~Courtney
Boys really think I am pressed over them >.> Your a guy, and most of the gusy I know are just like any plain-Joes I can meet anywhere. Nothing special or unique, and Travis falls into that catagory. 3nodding Plus... sweatdrop Why the hell would i be pressed over a fat kid?
Just...I dunno...I want a tall boyfriend I have to tilt my face up to kiss who's slender (...definatly not fat sweatdrop ) and can wrap his arms around me with ease and kiss teh top of my head while I sigh with happiness over how lucky I am.
...and Travis was none of those. 3nodding He has a cocky attitude and he always thinks he's right. I saw many arguments that were going to occur and I did him a favor...I mean, unless he WANTED to refer to me as a cold hearted b***h like Shadow, Brandon, and whoever else now do. I was lookin in my own intrest, honestly. I have to see that kid everyday for the next two months and next year stare best not to make an enemy.
Hmm...ok...now to try to do RO. sweatdrop
Update 8:56pm
Heh sweatdrop 'nother update.
My sisters cat died crying It was the boy cat, the one everyone used to play with. crying
My sibs found him next to the school building dead. sad They're not to sad over it, though. sweatdrop My sis sad he was stiff as hell and KJ keeps going on about it.
KJ is fasinated by death and that scares the hell out of me...
Anyway, I had pic's of the cat on my camera and I deleted them because I thought I would have time to take more... crying Now i feel teh badness. crying
Its just...weird to me. I don't think I take death well. Its like a forever absence in my life. Like when my dad died. Its like...well see, when he was alive I never got to really see him ever for reasons I dont wanna state here atm...so like, when he died I used to always think like "Oh, its ok...daddy will come bakc like before." and still even today I don't really get he's not comming back. I rememvber at the funeral...gosh that was 5 years ago...my aunts were screams and crying and clinging to his dead body...and when I was brougth up to the casket I couldn't bring myself to look at him. I didnt' want it to be real. I didn't want it to be true...When i finally looked...his face was so discolored and he looked so pleasantly uncomfortable...Like he didn't wanna be there or something...I dunno...::sigh::
Shower, then maybe RO...bye.
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