heart I have story and me little sista has inspired me to write about this...maybe some p***k will comment to this:
Where to start about Corey.....okay corey was my brother josh's guatarist to his band.....well to make a long story short he like me a lot and even loved me and he spent every moment with me when i got the flu....he put everything off to just be by myside...he and i knew deep down we would one day end up married...i went on 2 dates with him and we double dated...i did not cuddle with him, never kissed him, only hugged him and we knew each other for 2 years....i told him more things than i did my best friend and he did the same thing to me....he slept in my bed with me and respected me and did not do anything rash and even one day i got freaked out and i was too scared to take a shower by myself so he stood in the bathroom while i took the shower and did not even look at me...he went everywehre with me...well i went to NY one year keep in mind i live in NC but corey was going to NJ for a week and i was in NY for a week...over summer vacation...he had it so bad for me he would tell everyone he loved me and that someday we would be married and i did not want to beleive this so i surpressed the feelings into making it no i deserve more than him....i can do better.....but when i went to NY he called me everyday and i realized while i was not around him i needed him and he needed me and what's worse and is i wanted to need him....and he was from Maine and i knew that he was supposed to go to maine for a weeked when he came back from NJ and when i was in NY he finally said heather i truly love u and i said i love u too..i finally admitted it to myself....and when i got back to NC i was going to kiss him and spill my feelings...so when i got back he told me that he would be back on a tuesday and it was a friday he said i will see u then...and i did not get to tell him how i felt.....so when he went up there he missed Maine his home so badly he had told us all that his parents tricked him to moving back to Maine and that he could not come back and we trying to find every way to get him back.....come to find out he did not call us for about a month and he finally admitted it was him who could not come back he said he could not handle a member of the band and the fact that the only girl he ever loved did not love him....he said it was too painful....i left him with the memory of me hating him...
so a couple months went by and he did not call us i kept emailing him telling him i love him please come back and i will make u happy and he kept blowing me off and finally he sent me an email saying leave me the ******** alone u treated like me like s**t....which i did i played corey so much when he lived here i would talk about every other guy around him and how hott they were and corey would just smile and nodd i would bring guys over and i would blow corey off but deep inside i did not realize i really really loved him....
anywhos after that email..i did not hear from him for two to three months and finally he emailed me saying he just spent the past 3 months in the hospital he fell off a roof on his head and had fourteen concusions and that he was deaf in his right ear and has to go to all these specialists and that he can not even understand some human emotions.....he was telling me it was okay it was not that bad he was still the same corey...
well he did not email me for 2 years neither did i talk to him except once when he called to ask for my brother....and i cried on the phone with him asking him why did he not care about me anymore and he would not answer me and said are u crying? i said yeah he said well tell ur brother to call me later...
a lot of time went by and i began to forget about him and move on i did not date anyone between the time he left until just about a month ago...3 ******** years...i stopped because i knew corey was the one i was supposed to be with. soooooo......this past christmas i had heard he had been emailing my brothers because they were best friends and was talking about moving down here for a little bit because josh's band was taking off...so coey was supposed to come back by january and it was december presently....and corey asked josh if i was around he said no she is with a couple of her friends he said so what has she been up to and asking all these questions he said he did not care about anymore....josh said dude u know ever since u left she has not dated any guys and she still speaks highly of u she never says anything mean about u i think she really did love u....and josh does not say squishy warm fuzzy things he is a brute at nature...corey said really he said yeah dude corey said well i might call her later...so josh told me all this
well one day i was going down the road last december and that song by stone sour just came out and i had the radio off and i said okay (my mom was beside me) if corey will come back for me and he really loves me and we will get married and be happy let stone sour come on as soon as i turn on the radio..i turned on the radio and it was on....a week later felicia my best friend was in the backseat and my mom was in the passeger and i was driving and i said it again the stone sour song thing but i said it aloud....the song came on my mother said okay that is not coincidence anymore....i began laughing when i pulled in the driveway at my house the song went off as soon as i turned off the car and the phone began ringing u could hear it from outside felicia ran inside and answered it she said some guy is on the phone for u...i did not think who it could be and it was corey.....this was a week before christmas day....i said corey i need to tell u some things and do not speak to me until i get them out he said okay....he listened while i spilt how i felt about him how i am truly sorry for everything i put him through and i loved him more than my own family and life itself i just wanted to be in his prescece...he said u know why i said ******** u quit calling me dont u i said no he said because i could not bare to hear ur voice i tried so hard to get over u all this time and every time i hear that voice all that feeling comes back and u really do love me dont' u i said yes and i would never ever hurt u ever again he said it sounds that way we said a lot of other things but i am just telling u the briefs
then he said welll i will call u tomorrow we was on the phone for 4 hours spilling out guts to each other.he said tell me u love me i said it he said say it again and i did he said that is all i needed to hear to live.....he said i will come back for u i will not let u drownd in life he knew how i felt about life....and we got off the phone i have never ever cried for being happy that night i did...he promised he would not forget me he would come back for me and he would be here by january....
he called me every night and we talked about everything he kept telling me his mother was so worried about his injury he had not fully healed he said i am fine they just make it out worse than it really is..i beleived him
on christmas he did not call me at all...the day after that i was supposed to be going to the movies to see happy feet and i called his house his siter answered the phone and said he is gone with his girlfriend...i hung up the phone stunned maybe she meant just a friend that is a girl so i called back and asked she said no they have been dating for 2 weeks...i was crushed i cried a lot...my mother came to check on me and i told her what happened she said give me that damn phone so of couse i did and she called and talked to his mother she said i did not know what was giong on with heather and corey....my mom said yeah this has been giong on for a week or so...so his mother said sometimes he can't remember what is going on because of the injury she said somedays he will remember a person then forget them in 2 days...she siad he can not remember people corey remembered me for a week and now he does not know i even exist that in a couple more months he wil remember me and that he would never be able to mov out on his own he was really bad off and that what he said was how he felt...but he cant remember it she said the best thing to do is realize he is dead to u and u to him...he will never remember u and u can not sit by and watch him as he slowly dies i needed to move she siad "heather he is dead, now let him die slowly" i cried for 3 hourse straight the longest i have ever cried in my life and i could not even function properly i forgot who i was and where i had been i did not want to be alive i wanted to drownd die quit breathing or something......i prayed to god everynight please do not let me wake up i cried myself ot sleep every night one day i had a breakdown and siad ******** it i can get over this i have got over a lot of s**t and i am a big girl i can make my own way adn i will so i wanted ot prove ot myself no matter what i can overcome this and that i want to remind of myself every mometn i get depressed i can feel the pain and know it is real but i can overcome it i got my lip peirced. so everytime i bite it i know corey is ther and that i can overcome anything no matter how difficult and that i am a strong a** girl and no ******** man wil ever take that away from me..
after all the strongest people are hurt the most but the never ever forget the pain they feel they harbor it an feed it but never ever forget it
we are strong and not forgotten but i know i will never ever kiss him never see him smell that scent i loved never ever wake up beside him and never hear his voice and die alone becaus he was the one i was supposed to be with but i have to pick up my head and keep going and deal with it and learn the lessons life gives us
besides no i have a boyfriend and i have a duty to uphold but i can not fully trust anyone because they will just die and leave u but i am hoping a little that one day i wil die a happy woman
 Orchids of Apocalypse · Tue Jul 17, 2007 @ 07:42am · 1 Comments |
