I am going to be as kind and sweet and well mannered about this as much as I can conjure uup right now...
WHOEVER THE ******** IS SPAMMING TO VX I CANNOT BE TRUSTED AND s**t BETTER ******** STOP OR ELSE. YOU HAVE s**t YOU WANNA START WITH ME THEN DON'T BE A ******** b***h ABOUT IT, SAY IT TO MY FACE.
...
I am...so angry right now. Word cannot accuratly express my anger. I wanna strangle someone. Who? Some ******** person who is here reading my journal. Don't ******** make me put this journal back to "Friends Only" 'cause all of you ******** I know on RO are NOT on my Gaia friends list.
Whoever the ******** is telling VX I can't be trusted needs to be a man about the situation (and if your a girl then be ******** woman) and come to ME and say you have a problem. It pisses me off how the ******** someone can be so ******** petty abotu something so stupid.
I have NEVER scamed, lied to, or cheated abotu anything on RO. I'm not pure, but I follow the rules and guidelines of the game because I do not want banned from it. Look, look, look, look
<center>
</center>My guildmate Ti told me what happened; I'm pissed off ...Why would someone do this? If someoen that bent over revenge on me that they would be such a coward and spraed lies? 'cause as soon as I learn the name I am questioning this person, and then I'm going to report them to the GM's and get them banned. If that doesn't work, then I'ma keep reporting until their IP is banned and the ******** can't mess with me again.
I wonder if Jumi is doing this...Ti said it was some girl though, and he said he told her off when "she" said that. Jumi...I swear, if your doing this...
I just...I dunno...I don't get why someone would do this. sad I mean...I dunno....just bein such a petty b***h. They fail to realize, though, that VX is not the place to try and "kill" me at. They're my guild, my friends, they have known me a while and they trust me more than they would some random a*****e PMing them lies.
I'm banging my head aganist my desk over who would do this to me...I mean...I don't have enemies...I'm friends with everyone. I'm nice and stuff even to rude people who don't deserve niceness...uncondionally kind...so why would this happen? ESPECIALLY on my dancer of all things, sad No one even knows my dancer. I am unknown, no one on friends list and only been in VX guild...well, people on friends list, but they can be trusted. I suppose they can, atleast...I have not crossed any of them since they are all my new friends in Lou. 3nodding Maybe I said something offensive to them I am forgtting now? ...but...eh, I don't even talk to half the people on the list...just...doesn't make sense.
And then, again, there is my journal here where you all know me. I know two people in particular, who also play RO, hate me now who know my dancer and are here on Gaia. 3nodding I would sincerly hope they'd have the decency to confront me instead of being bitchs abou tthis.
...then again, there is the girl from my old guild. She emailed me a few days ago and also has my dancers name.
::sigh:: I don't know...all I know is that incident really pissed me off.
Anyway,
I have Photoshop now and Skilled is busy makingn the template I am to edit for teh site. It'll rock whee I feel sad for Skilled, he's always so busy and its like everything is uber hard for him. sad
Tosh quit yesterday. Tazz doesn't like 'em though 'cause he's very immature and doesn't listen; I agree with her. I dun think Tazz likes me sad I dunno, I won't ask or pester or even concider such silly things whee
School was good today, but I was very tiered.
I think I saw Shadow, yes Shadow, in Lou a few minutes ago. I wonder if its him? A shame I'll never know.
I think I have ******** up enough peoples lives for my life span, 3nodding for now on I plan to do good and do what makes me happy.
:;sigh:: I feel so sad today for some reason...like I did something wrong and now I'm regreting it...but I haven't done anything. sad Again, I am not the cause of something yet here I am suffering for it...
Oh well, I'm kinda content cause its sunny outside. I wanna curl up on a blanket and sunbathe whee
Well...I haven't read my PM's today...been really busy with stuff. I'll read tommrow...I'm to tiered to right now.
Update 8:43 p.m.
Why the hell do I always fall for his s**t?
Oy...stupid meanie Josh.
Eh...I do deserve it, though. I deserve his hatred and Shadows hatred; because Shadow does infact still hate me.
But geez....they are seriously taking this way to far. If I knew them IRL, I would think like yea what I did was bad...but oh my ******** god this si the INTERNET for crying out loud...I don't know them. I never knew them. They never knew me. End of story. Gosh so damn emotional over something so stupid >_>
So what did Josh do? He joined Shadows guild. Ya know what? I knew he would. xd Why else would I of taken that picture clearly dipicting the guild name? I'm not stupid. I had him and Shadow figured out from the begining. I still have them figured, immature little boys are very easy to plan out. 3nodding I guess its mean of me to say that, huh? ...but still...
Look at it. The only thing they wanted from me was an immature relationship. Thats all anythign was with them, immature. I look back on my screenies and saved chats and that was immaturity to the max. They're boys, like Isaac said, and thats what they want...but I don't want that.
Eh...I'm a bad person though. sad I lied within a lies, lie. I wanna say...maybe I shouldnt? I dunno...so confused...I mean...I lied to make them go away...why?...'cause, I dunno...I never thought I was good enough for them. I had to many mood swings back then. I knew I was broken and bad, and I really don't like for people to deal with me like that...its why I am a loner. I dunno...its just been like this with younger guys I dated. Never f-ed up on Isaac, Greg, or Chris (though I haven't dated). Just Shadow, Josh, and Kevin. >_> No one else hates me but them. Everyone else loves me to death. 3nodding
Greg ended a long time ago...back in August. Before Josh, Alche, Kevin, Shadow and even Brandon. We still talk and whatever but we haven't been intimate since the day I got back from UofM and found him with Elliona. I'm not stupid, guy cheats on me I'm leaving his a**. Everything I have ever said about him since then has been fabricated for me to use for my own purpouses, which has served me well so far. 3nodding It was wrong, and bad and I am A BAD PERSON FOR IT...I don't care. I came to that realization a long time ago, I am no longer phased. It doesn't bother me, so don't waste your breath saying it.
The lie protected me from alot of things, I though. Like when I thought Shadow was trying to make me jealous with Desiree. God that hurt so much when he did that...it tore my heart to shreads. So I retorted to make him mad too, and it backfired. Horribly. And now he hates me. After Shadow fell apart, so did Kevin. I died a little inside, and so since then the world went round and I watched, planned, and contemplated what to do next just like the personality test said I would do. At UofM, I took this personality test to see what kinda person I was. I am a "Mastermind", alwyas thinking and schemeing and planning ahead...only 3% of people worldwide are that same personality. I am rare.
I thought it was a good thing to do, it seemed right at the time. I plan people out pretty well, observe when you aren't even paying attention, its so thrilling what you can learn from an unsuspecting person. It wasn't wrong, just something I do. Apart of who I am, always thinkign and schemeing and planning.
...and that part of me, that "MasterMind" never did me any good. The two people I honestly thought I loved hate me with every bit of themselves. I never knew a plan could backfire like this...
These internet people hurt, literally, IRL. I feel like I'm tied down as teh stab me over and over again in the heart. I should of forseen this...I was to cocky...this is punishment for thinking I knew all the rules of the game before it even began.
What do I do now? ...just accept it. Isaac said not to talk to them anymore, if I am PMed ignore them. Just let it go...Tell the GM's if they don't stop. But it hurts so much seeing that ******** guild in Louyang...I can't even level there anymore, thats how badly I am hurting now. Stupid plans...stupid choices...I learned my lesson. I won't play with fire anymore. I can't handle it.
So now...the planning has ended, the thinking is through, the scheming is no more. I have been reborn, I feel like I was saved by a marvelous saint who I worship now so faithfully. I will live truthfully now. Because when plans backfire, it hurts like ******** hell. You lose people you didnt' want to lose, and the pain never goes away. Everytime I see them in Lou my heart stings more and more, I feel so stupid...why? Why? Why? Why?
...because I am young, and I'm still learning about all life has to offer. There is darkness before there is light, I am disappointed I brought this darkness upon myself. I can't see into the future though...I knew thse outcomes were always a possibility but they never seemed really probable. I guess I should just leave the younger guys alone. For now on, no dating anyone my age or younger. They have to many hormones going on and I dont' want immature realtionships anymore.
I want real love, mature love that will last forever. Since I don't fight, argue, scream and fight anymore that is an easier goal to attain. I listen to what I am told, I am nice to everyone no matter how close of a friend they are (since closer friends have gotten my hatred in the past), I no longer lie, I am always cheerful...that is what people want, and that is how I want to be not for them---but for me.
I feel enlightened again, redface So back to RO to yell at Sings the bard ( xd ) and continue on my newfound path of virtue.
