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Well, since I'm about to go on vacation and God knows what could happen during the time I'm gone I figure I may as well post this.

First I'd like to say that even though I am a mod at PA I feel nearly completely unknown and unwanted, even before Sazuka decided she didn't like me (which I guess was right from the begining). Part of that is because I simply don't have more time to go than I already do. I usually work 6 days (sometimes 7) out of the week running sometimes 9-12 hour shifts. The rest I accept as being the way of Gaia and it being too large.

A while after I joined PC and saw Neo editing and going nuts after those posts with curse words in them I got into a PC chat which turned out to be a "rebelious chat." I remember Gin, Tin, Blends, and Duck Man in their to begin with all talking about making a new guild. I can't even remember how I got joined in, but I eventually offered to pitch in for the money to start it and through discussion and creation became a mod. After I think two days Sazuka was invited into the chat all puzzled and confused and was asked by the others to be the admin. She politely declined and that's when we made the sytem of our mods, and Pollie doing our best to keep the power in check for each mod. Rules were begining to be discussed, members and passwords being set. I'm pretty sure that after Gin had established the guild I had to leave to go to work. My only concern with that was I didn't get to have as much say in the rules as I would have liked, but I didn't feel the need to try and undermind the other mods with their selection of rules either. I figured they knew what they were doing, knew what they wanted, and I'd just be a little soldier watching the flock.

To be honest whenever I could get on PA there wasn't much for me to do as a mod. I mean everyone got along well enough, nobody really broke the rules (which are still incredibly easy to follow). If I saw someone needed to be invited or accepted, I did it. If I saw a thread needed a poll I added one. For the most part everything was smooth. I know there was stuff I was missing since I couldn't be on as much as the others, but no one ever said anything and I did my part when I saw the need so I saw no problems.

One problem I did have was the flaming rule. I do love to see a good flame every once in awhile (as well as give them when needed) but I see a difference in flaming and bullying. DK is a bully/trouble maker to me. I saw him countless times starting fights or flaming other members but since the rule said it was allowed I couldn't do anything. No one seemed to want to stick up for themselves and I guess they really couldn't complain so no one did anything.

Then I found out a friend of mine died overseas. I hadn't seen him in years, I was crushed. Normally when faced with death I completely break down to barely sleeping, not eating, nearly walking infront of cars, and crying almost all the time. I just really do not handle it well. I was so scared because I can't afford to be that way now that I'm out on my own. I went to work the next morning but was sent home because I couldn't keep from crying and wouldn't talk. A few days later my boyfriend sent me a funny e-mail to try and cheer me up. At the end it read "send this to someone who needs a good laugh." I thought about it and figured, "why don't I post this at the guild and maybe cheer myself up by starting a joke thread or something?" The first reply I got was a really rude and snotty one from DK.

Being in the state I was I immedietly got upset about it. The way I saw it at the time I was atleast going to stand up for myself and it was high time he got what he deserved. I wanted to ban him then and there for being a constant jack a** but I couldn't get ahold of the other mods to get the okay (which is why I didn't do it.) Others replied in agreement and then Sazuka came along basically flaiming me and telling me I couldn't do anything about it. Now, I understand her and Kobra's comments to a point. The way I said I was going to ban him was wrong, because I made it sound very one sided and personal, but again being in the state I was in I wasn't thinking very clearly. I was already hurt and trying to mend my wounds when some self rightous jack a** and his too-good-for-you buddies run in and just cut at me.

This is when I assumed Sazuka started to hate me, and I really started to hate her. The way I saw it she was bending the rules for her friend and then trying to pick at me every chance she got. When she finally left I was very happy, to be honest. Others can tell you I've always thought she was a good and hard working mod, but but as long as she was gone I didn't give a damn. The "work load" she claims to have had I can't fully experience for myself, but I do see join applications nearly everyday in the amount of one or two. Wooah buddy, there is a swarm coming! Granted the other members take care of a lot of them while I am not on (I'm sure).

WHen she came back and apologized she said DK was the reason she left (for being an a** to her, I suppose) which I found incredibly hypocritical and made me dislike her even more. However, if she wanted to come back and mod again I didn't see an issue with it as she always did a good job. My issue was that she seemed really unstable after that. I guess Gin and Blends wanted to remod her, but she didn't pursue it. Maybe she didn't because she she didn't trust her own self to stay, or maybe she didn't do it because she herself is like what she percieves DG and Mglh to be and is scared of being too power hungry or something. The only reason I say that is because her last comment where she claims to have done so much, bashes nearly everyone else, claims creation of the guild and annoyance of anyone else but her and tin having any say.

*Sigh Either way it pissed me off, so I began to send her a PM. Since I found out I couldn't I figured it was about time I actually told PA that she didn't create PA like she so claimed, and stand up for myself (like no one seems to do or likes ) and for the guild. She can take her s**t and shove it for all I care. Creating another supposidly "secret and intelligent" guild just shows me how selfish and undependable she is. "Can't make this work, then I'll go to another. Opps this one isn't working either. Ah well lets give up and make another." The thing that gets me is the creation of the guild was to be polls, not to be discussions. From what I hear this new one is all about intelligent people and intelligent dicussions, not polls. Make up your damn mind! I guess if she had a sex change or grew up that might be possible.

*ehem During the thread where Tin says goodbye my good friend Silkie started arguing with Piya, whom I also like. She got upset I couldn't do anything about it, but the truth is I really couldn't. If It were against the rules at the time to do what he was doing I would have banned him (half because I know he doesn't give a damn). I told her I'm sorry and I wish she wouldn't leave, and then poked fun at the stupid rules that left me nearly useless. Then Sazuka yells at me for that. Another hypocritical and childish thing to do. However, before I had seen her post I talked to the mods about creating a new rule so that we could protect the members from things such as these, therefore we have a new edited rule. Don't say I never did anything for you neutral .

Well it's 5am and I'm tired. If I forgot something ah well. That's my side of the story if anyone gives a damn. I'd like to note I'm not a mean or bad person at all, but after working all the damn time and only getting treated like a peice of s**t slave and not being able to stand up for yourself and then get it at home too, you'd be a crazy ******** not to have a damn spine and say something.

I'm also open for crticis and concerns, as long as it isn't flaming. I personally want PA to be a nice place for the members to come and hang out, make gold, and have a good time If something troubles you, even if it's something about me, let me know. Perhaps I need to speak differently when I'm on, or perhaps I should make it known about my schedule so members don't think I don't care. Whatever it may be I'm open to your concerns and needs.

Oh, and for the record I didn't think Tin did anything wrong. I figured he was just playing around and drama broke out over miscommunication. I've been told that he edited posts before but there isn't much proof so that's done. Next time let a mod know smile .