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Da Journal of My Life
Do you need a description? Seriously.
Flowers By Caitlin : Chapter one: Lily Sharp
L ily Sharp woke up dizzy from exhaustion at working all night in the garden. She knew her mother would not have approved at working all night. But the garden looked so much BETTER now. Besides she could go to bed early tonight and sleep in late tomorrow.
Lily Loved plants. She loved how they could grow from a tiny seed into a budding flower. And she loved that she was named after her favorite flower. But most of all, Lily loved the way the plants circled around her feet as if she were a trellis to grow on. It was strange in a way. The plants felt like they had hands that were groping around her ankles and then up her shins. It was like they had a personality! Completely insane she knew but that was the way she felt about it. She had stood in the middle of her garden till dawn and then gone back to bed. It was now 10:05 in the morning.
She looked out her window onto the green stretch of lawn. One of their dogs, Max, was already running around on the lawn playing fetch with her older brother, Nathaniel. The other dog Loki was probably still in her doggy bed fast asleep or else eating food in the backyard. She could hear the sound of dishes from breakfast being cleaned by their cook, Cara. Even Lily's 5 year-old sister, Mary was awake playing with Nana, the caretaker in the room across the hall. She was the late riser this morning. Her mother would want to know why she'd slept in (she didn't usually sleep that late) she would also be wondering how Lily's garden had grown to look like hers in a night. That could be bad; she didn't want her mother to know about her plant thing just yet. Her mother would probably notice the humongous rings under her eyes too.
Lily sighed, moved into the restroom and turned on the shower.

~~~

Her father was in the living room in his favorite chair next to the fire. He looked up from his Sunday paper when she walked in, giving her a, "Good morning, Sleepyhead. You slept late today.” in his rough, lovable voice. “You missed breakfast. Your favorite, Pancakes!"
"Good morning, Dad!” She said, “Where’s mom?"
"Oh she's out in her garden as always. You should go see if Cara will cook something up before you go. “And he went back to his paper.
Lily went into the kitchen grabbed two pieces of bread and darted out the door into the late morning sunlight. Jacob was roughhousing with Nathaniel since Max had obviously gotten bored with playing fetch. Jacob shrieked "good morning" as Nathaniel tackled him. Jacob struggled to get up and Nathaniel cried, “Morning, Sis!" before tackling Jacob all over again.
Jacob didn't look Anything like Lily despite being "twins". For one, His Hair was almost white it was so blonde, as Lily's Hair was Black as a Raven's just like their grandmother's. Jacob was short, still had a little baby fat, hated Math with all the Revulsion in his body (or so he claimed), Loved Science, Got good grades in everything but Math, And got along with Practically everyone. Lily, on the other hand Was Tall, Skinny, Beautiful, Loved Math, Got Good Grades In Everything you could think of, And Should have gotten along with Everybody but only had one Good friend, Jennifer King.
Jennifer King was anything BUT royalty. For one, her family was so poor that they had to live on Lily's family's property (which explained why Jennifer and Lily were such good friends). Jennifer was Also Tall, Clumsy, Almost Pretty enough to be called beautiful but just a little short of the line, Didn't really care much for Math, Got B's In practically every subject accept Math, Was Not Even Noticed In the Hall, And, Like Lily, Has Only one Good Friend, Lily Sharp.
Lily was startled out of her thoughts by her mother's warm but commanding voice, “Well, THERE you are! I thought you were going to sleep all Day! I've got a few questions for you, Lily. Follow me!"




If You Like It Plz Pm Me Or Comment on my page about it!
Depending on how many ppl like it will make me decide if I should continue it! Plz Tell!
I hope you don't dislike it!
cry






User Comments: [2]
x-ChibiSpirit-x
Community Member





Wed Aug 06, 2008 @ 04:45am


I have 4 things to say about this.

-You reaaaaaaaaaally have to work on punctuation and capital placing. I mean, seriously. Pick up a grammar book and flip directly to the section 'Where to Place Capitals'. It'll help.

-Spacing. Very important. Missing. Again, you reaaaaaaally need to work on that.

-I reaaaaaaally can't see where this is going. I mean sure, you have the characters and their names, but no actual characteristics other than they're all early risers, Lily's twin is her opposite in every way, including sex, and she's better than everyone else, plus has super powers. Other than being overly typical, talk about boring. At least, so far as I can tell with these measly two paragraphs.

-I reaaaaaaally want to try reading more of this, but you have to try decluttering and then start over from scratch and make more details catering to the five senses. Otherwise, I may have to rip it apart. I don't like doing that.

Pessemistic, cruel, unreasonable, terrible criticism, right?
Imagine what I do every time I write something.
EarthQueen isn't my first story. I've written and dreamt and imagined a million different things, but they're never quite good enough.
Do you know why Harry Potter and LotR were eaten up by both movie fanatics and fantasy appreciationists? Because of the original/revolutionary content and the living details.

In a world where every idea has been chewed up, thrown around and injected with some form of sexual content, you as the author must rip apart those barriers and inject it with life.

====
Sorry if you don't understand the last couple of paragraphs. It's only me ranting.
If you do get it, enjoy.

Keep those points in mind.
I'll try rewriting it, making it more appealing, myself. You can do whatever you like with the result, for example, collaborate with whatever you accomplish to make it better.
Right now, I'm tired.
Right now, I'm off to bed.
I'll have that 'report' for 'ya in a day or two. G'night.


Tanisia01
Community Member





Fri Sep 05, 2008 @ 03:39am


Ok first. They're not just two paragraphs. Have you ever tried indenting on gaia? It doesn't work. rolleyes And ya I know they're kinda measly but I kinda just wrote it down straight out of my head(You wouldn't believe how many fantasies I have in my head.) so I didn't really do any editing. I've read it to my family and they say it's cool but THEY'RE family and it doesn't really count cause my family is one of those who wouldn't want to say anything bad cause it might hurt your feelings. They love me so they don't critisize me(well, at least not on this subject). neutral
I've written way more than this. I just haven't put it in here because no one COMMENTS on my journal, pms me, etc. to tell me they want to see more. They're just SOOO wrapped up in their own little world. I can TELL how many ppl have seen or read my Journal PPL!
So I'm sure u can understand my frustration. When you see the capitals and stuff it's just kinda the way I type when it's not a report or something.
Yes, I know I went on & on when it came to describing ppl. I'll fix it someday. xp

Can't wait to ridicule your version. twisted sleep well... twisted


User Comments: [2]
 
 
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