I cried yesterday. Not just a silent tearing, but a choking sobbing. I remember trying to stop, but it was the first time in years I actually cried like that. The tears kept coming, and I could hardly breathe. I couldn't steady my breathing no matter what I tried.
I remember the reason. It was a stupid reason, but my mind blew it out to such proportions that a tear slipped. Then another. Pretty soon, it was exactly as I just described.
I remembered telling myself they'd be as good as dead. I told myself they would practically BE dead. I'd never see them again, I never have a way of even TALKING to them again, or even just BEING with them. I told myself this was my last moment of happiness. I put myself in the moment of the last day, and I gave in to my false sorrow. I tried to tell myself I still had a year left practically, but my mind refused to agnowledge this last stream of hope. I was going to be alone. All alone.
I imagined what it would be like. I imagined holding my tears back, only to miss out on the chance of healthy parting words of "I'll see you again!" or even "I'll meet you someplace!". I imagined the dread I would feel, and I lived through it.
I don't want to leave my friends, my world, every thing I know. Highschool is so far away at the moment, but in that instant I was there. And I was all alone...All alone...
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The Life of Me
If a madman's ravings are what you seek, come on in and have a peek.
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