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Perfect Secks
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ARIES
THE RAM
March 21 to April 20

You are confident, enthusiastic, and courageous.
Other Aries are selfish, impulsive, and foolhardy. I wouldn't be surprised to hear that they are just jealous of you, and are quite possibly plotting something against you. That is so like them.
Likes Challenges, winning, and people willing to ignore that thing you do and think nobody knows about. (We know.)
Dislikes losing, waiting around, and being hit in the face with a shovel. It may no have happened to you yet, but trust me: You aren't going to like it.


TAURUS
THE RAM

April 21 to May 21

You are reliable, patient, and determined.
Other Tauruses are stubborn, self-indulgent, and jealous. They will probably do a little jail time sooner or later.
Likes Nature, relaxation, and being left alone to do their own thing, which they sometimes do on the lawn.
Dislikes Being rushed, being pushed, Mad Cow Disease, and those rodeo guys who jump on your back and won't just won't get off until you go nuts and stomp on them a little.

GEMINI
THE TWINS

May 22 to June 21

You are lively, curious, and witty.
Other Geminis are nosy, twitchy big mouths, and like many other twins there are twice as many as we need.
Likes Gossip, variety, and reading. And since your a Gemini you probably like gossiping with yourself.
Dislikes Being alone, being in a rut, being alone in a rut.

CANCER
THE CRAB

June 22 to July 22

You are imaginative, intuitive, and productive.
Other Cancers are moody, touchy, and much too emotional. Plus let's face it, they're not too happy that their sign is called Cancer.
Likes Privacy, hobbies, and pinching people.
Dislikes being told what to do, failing, and that dumb astrology thing people won't change the name of this sign to something more cheerful. How about "Pinchy The Crab"?

LEO
THE LION

July 23 to August 22

You are creative enthusiastic, and generous.
You Leos are bossy, mean, and think they're all that just because they get to be lions and not those other creepy signs of the zodiac.
Likes Luxury, Drama, and attacking antelopes.
Dislikes Mean people, ordinary stuff, and conditioner that leaves your mane unmanageable.

VIRGO
THE VIRGIN

August 23 to September 23

You intelligent, reliable, and diligent.
Other Virgos are fussy, critical worry warts, and the ones that are guys are not that happy that their sign is a girl so they lie and say they are Leos.
You know what? Let's fix this right now. From now on, a Man Virgo is called a Mango and that is final.
Likes Books, details, and telling people that their sign is a pretty girl. (Mangos, you can start telling people that your sign is a bulldog or a piranha, or something tough like that.)
Dislikes Messes, pushy people, and dry dry frizzy hair with no bounce, vitality, or sparkling sheen. Also war.

LIBRA
THE SCALES

September 24 to October 23

You are charming, romantic, and friendly
Other Libras are gullible, indecisive, and easily influenced.
Likes Sharing, parties, and seesaws. Unless you think they shouldn't. Do you think they should like these things? I just can't decide.
Dislikes Violence, meanness, and injustice. Also, even though Libras are scaled, they don't like it when people stand on them and ask how much they weigh.

SCORPIO
THE SCORPION

October 24 to November 22

You are determined, intuitive, and passionate.
Other Scorpios are secretive, resentful, and stubborn. And believe me, they were not happy to hear that you were described so nicely. I'm sure they're scheming against you. Peek out the window. They're hiding out there somewhere, right now.
Likes Challenges, meaningful work, and being allowed to exercise their skills. And let's be honest, look at those claws. Scorpios really like pinching people.
Dislikes Being taken advantage of, insincerity, and getting slapped after the pinching. C'mon, nobody gets mad when a Libra weighs something. If you don't want to get pinched, don't come around looking all pinchable and everything.

SAGITTARIUS
THE ARCHER

November 23 to December 21

You are honest, optimistic and savvy.
Other Sagittarius are careless, blunt, and irresponsible. Also, those other Sagittarians are not terribly welcome at parties - shooting arrows everywhere and clomping around, always asking for hay sandwhiches and apologizing the next day for pooping on the lawn.
Likes Traveling, freedom, and having a person head and a hourse body and not the other way around.
Dislikes Standing around, fussy people, and huge slobs that always want a horsey-back ride.

CAPRICORN
THE GOAT

December 22 to January 20

You are ambitious, careful, and successful.
Other Capricorns are gloomy cheap-skates that carry grudges, which is odd because goats are so love able, right? Who doesn't like that tangy smell and those crazy goat eyes?
Likes People that know what they are talking about, reliability, and people who like kidding around. (That's right "kidding" it's a goat joke. I promise its that last one.)
Dislikes Ridicule, wasting time, and people who try to make you feel baaaaaad about yourself.

AQUARIUS
THE WATER CARRIER

January 21 to February 19

You friendly, honest, and smart.
Other Aquarius are unpredictable, contrary, and love to argue. But you probably don't agree with that and want to argue about it, right? Are too. Are too. Are too infinity times.
Likes Making friends, parties, and reminding people that "water carrier" is not the same was "waitress."
Dislikes being alone, lies, and doing the same old things all the time. This is one of things that make Aquarius so unique, right? Because everyone loves being lonely, bored, and lied to.

PISCES
THE FISH

February 20 to March 20

You are imaginative, generous, and nice.
Other Pisces are spacey and easily talked into things. It's like how fish will bite rubber worms with huge pointy hooks poking out the sides. The other Pisces are like that. No wonder they want to be vague about it. I wouldn't tell anybody if I bit fake worms, either.
Likes Spending time alone, dreaming, and tartar sauce.
Dislikes Being criticized, know-it-alls, and those people who talk during movies right when you're trying to hear the best part. (You know who I mean, right? All those other signs of the zodiac.)





User Comments: [1]
iTweety
Community Member
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comment Commented on: Tue Sep 15, 2009 @ 03:03am
they are like soooo lying about leos.
they are the most awesomest, nicest, bestest people u could like ever meet .!
so BLAH .! to whoever made this. =]


User Comments: [1]
 
 
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