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Maude died Sunday june 26th at 8:43 p.m.

There's a lot of other stuff I could say, but I don't want to talk about anything of sentimental value because I haven't cried in awhile and I'd like to keep it that way.

I was at Denny's when she died. Which doesn't sound good at first, but I don't mind. Honestly, I would rather be somewhere else then in the house, but not in the room with her, when she went. Maude's uncle suggested I used the term "passed away." It's actually a good plan, but I forgot to so we're going to stick with "died." I don't think the words "passed away." I think Mark took it harder than me. He was with me, and when we got back his mom came up at told us. I didn't really feel anything at first.

Have you ever wondered what you would say at a friend's funeral? I've been wondering for the past two years. It's an awkward experience.

Next question: Have you ever actually seen a dead person? how about touched one? They really are cold. Not at first, though. I went in and saw Maude twice. The first time she was still warm, the second time she wasn't. It was very unsettling, because she's been fever hot for the past few days.

Anyway, after everyone left and we settled down and Maude was taken away (which happened before everyone left) I got online and have been playing with my avatar ever since. Did a lot of shoping. Spent 10k in the stores buying a lot. Most of it cheap stuff. I actually came up with a different avatar, but it didn't match quite right. This one does. Unfortunately it also looks a bit slutty, but I'll get over that. I'm so glad Gaia made belts. I'd been wanting them for awhile. I ran out of money before I could buy the white one, but I want it, too. I have the black on a different avi.

I misplaced my cell phone in case you wanted to call. I'll find it soon enough.

I want to cuddle with someone. But Maude was the only one I cuddled with.

I had another pun for this title but I forgot it. Been thinking about it all day, but of course I forgot it now.

Um... huh. I've been hanging out with Mark lately. He's kind of in the same boat as me, not having many friends around. And I went to work Saturday and Sunday. At the moment I'm just trying to figure out what to do now. I'm not really tired, so sleep's out. And Mark went home, so there's not really anyone to chat with. We're watching Simone on TV at the moment. Might throw in another movie after it. I'm voting for Donnie Darko, because I've been wanting to watch it, but it's realy not the happiest of movies and I'll prolly feel like s**t if I do. Austin will want to throw in a zombie movie. Gah.

Have you ever lost a really good friend? I don't even know how you could discribe it. People say that you can't imagine what it's like if you haven't been through it. That you have no idea. I don't think that's true. I think you can imagine a bit of it. Not the full extent, but a bit. It's an odd feeling, though. At the moment I just feel empty. an achy sort of empty.

and it's late, they're gonna want me to log off, so I'll write more later.

~Auliro


p.s. Today's song: The cure's I'll always love you. Going out to Maude. (I remember it from the movie 50 first dates.)