So, I'm back on Gaia. If I'm lucky, it'll be for a significant amount of time. I have problems when it comes to keeping promises over the internet. Everytime I get on Gaia, its for a week, two at most, then I disappear for a while. But we'll see about this time. Lately, I've been feeling a bit...odd. I think it is going-back-to-school-anxiety. I matured a bit right before the break. I was given a lot of responsibilities, had a lot of projects due, and a lot of work to catch up on, due to an illness. So I got crackin on everything, except for a speech that I more than procrastinated on. And it isn't because I disrespected my teacher. She is a very sweet woman and she is very intelligent. She knows that I'm an excellent student, and so when I showed up to school that day, without a speech or outfit, she scolded me. It was well deserved, but I couldn't bear it. Because when she scolds, its sort of cruel to be kind, you know? She gave me the weekend to get it done, and explained why. It was due to my good grades and outstanding performance in her class. And I'll admit that when I returned to my seat, I was a bit misty eyed. I guess I'm just a softie that way...
But tomorrow I have school, and I don't look forward to it. Not only do I not like my school, but like I said earlier, I don't feel right. Its just...when I step back and take a look at who I am, I am very pleased with what I'm looking at. And believe me, that isn't the problem. The problem, is that I need some sort of...acceptance, for lack of a better word. I mean, I'm different from everyone in almost every way. I spend my forty minute lunch break wandering the hallways alone, or reading in the library, while everyone else laughs and spends time with friends. It seems odd that all of my friends are either over the internet or in past cities that I've long moved from. Being put on this Earth to not fit in, to stand out, is something I've always looked up to. But why? Why me? Sure, there are probably millions of people out there like me, wondering the same thing. But why is so lonely, being...geeky? Is that the word? Or...weird? Odd? Freaky? Unprecedented? No, I am not emo, I'm sure that's the first word coming to the reader's mind, if I even get a reader. Just lonely, is all. I'm the first to smile at a joke, the first to offer a hand at something. I just don't get out there to meet people. I have no social life, in person at least. I'm extremely shy around girls, in person. And I can't even look at a teacher in the eyes for more than five seconds at a time because the intimidation is too much. I don't know. I'm just confused, is all.
Peace, to all who haven't read.
Mystic Purge Community Member 
|
|
