Remember how I mentioned that I had to cut my hair before?
Let me elaborate a little.
Alright, so here's what happened.
I'm just walking down the street, right? Well, there's this parking garage about two blocks away. So, I'm thinking "Sweet! Maybe I'll find some neat crap there!"
...It's ******** filled with zombies. Apparently, someone else thought they'd find neat crap there, but one of the sonsabitches were bleeding or... something. Either way, there was blood and body parts everywhere. It was like a damn mass grave or some s**t. So, they're all just kind of standing around. They haven't noticed me yet. I just stop dead in my tracks. For a second, all I can think is "Holy. ********." I tried to backtrack as silently as possible... but my dumb a** BUMPS INTO ONE.
Just bumps the ******** into one!
God dammit.
So, I try to boot my a**, but one of them pretty much entangles themselves into my ******** hair. I've got this Machete, right? Well... ok, so I don't have it anymore, but we'll get to that later.
Anyway, I just start swinging that thing like... like... Well, there's really no good simile to put here. Really, just start swinging it like I'm trying to kill some ******** zombies. Which is precisely what I was trying to do. I believe that sort of rampant, frantic swinging would probably be very unique to killing zombies.
...By the way, word to the wise... Don't close your eyes when you rampantly flail with a machete to kill zombies. You'll probably need to watch what you're doing. I made that mistake.
See this bandage on my arm right here? I know what you were thinking. You were thinking I got bit. Pfft. ******** no. I didn't get bit, I gashed my own ********' arm open. Good goin', right? Well, hell, at least I didn't get bit!
Either way, if I had my god damn glasses, it'd probably make a big-a** difference. I can't see s**t. Well, I can see good enough. But reading things? Not really. I can't see Zombies if they're at a distance, either. I really need to find some new glasses... Hopefully rose tinted, like my last ones. Beggars can't be choosers, though.
Oh! Right. Anyway, so I hack my hair off and, in the process, chunk my Machete into a Zombie's head... and I can't pull that ******** out from such a weird angle. So, I just run. Later on I found this baseball bat, though... And I've got a red cane lying around somewhere, too. The baseball bat may not cut, but it's a lot quicker to use. I don't have to worry about pulling it out of anything... I don't really care about killing zombies. I just want to get the ******** away from them.
Normally, I go from rooftop to rooftop. They have a hard time getting up there to me. Lately, though, there haven't been many buildings close enough together for me to jump. I hate being on the ground.
I ******** hate it.
