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If you haven't read parts 1-4 yet, they're all archived in my Gaia Journal. Go read one, hon!


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[SCENE: DUREM]


Anna Von Helson: MARIE!

Marie Von Helson: ANNA!

Anna: I've got a brilliant idea. Let's take over Gaia.

Marie: Groovy.


[SCENE: AEKEA]

Edmund: My beautiful robots, Ribateau, Bildeau and Bloudeau, known now as Pink Spice, Dirty Spice and Emo Spice... you are now the group known as EDMUND'S ANGELS.

Ribateau: Why are we called that? I mean, I can understand Bloudeau, but I'm not pink... and Bildeau is a cleanfreak. Not dirty at all.

Bildeau: OH MY GOD, THERE'S BACTERIA ON YOUR PINK BOW!!! *screams and sprays Windex everywhere*

Edmund: Well, you know, we have to have the stereotypes. The pink, bubbly one, the dirty, seductive, slutty one, and the dark, broody, emo one. You're like Baby Spice, Christina Aguilera and Amy Lee.

[pause]

Edmund: Wait, that's kind of a scary thought. Anyway, let's go fight crime and stuff!


[IN A DIFFERENT PART OF AEKEA]


Liam: Bitter from my experiences with prostitutes gone wrong, I have become detached and decided to start up my own dirty magazine.

[pause]

Liam: I call it "Playgaian".

Agatha: So where do I sign? They're a bit saggy but the boys still love 'em.


[SCENE: BARTON TOWN]


Edmund: Come out, evils! I know you're there! Me and my robospices must fight you!

Marie: Oh no! He's found us out!

Anna: Then you know what we must do.

[A FLASH OF BLINDING LIGHT!]

ANNAMARIE X200: WE ARE ANNAMARIE X200, SUPER ROBOT. WE WILL DEFEAT YOU, PUNY HUMANS.

Edmund: Oh, s**t. ANGELS, ATTACK!

Emo Spice: BAD POETRY ATTACK! nihilism... darkness... blood. i drown in dark seas... a sea of my tears. a floating taco... just like my soul... forbidden and rotting. no lettuce please.

ANNAMARIE X200: OH NO, BAD POETRY. HA HA HA YOU FAIL. I CRUSH YOU, ANNAMARIE MIGHT. *CRUSHES ROBOTS*

Edmund: NO! ANGELS! Alright, it's my turn!

[pause]

Edmund: TURDUCKEN CRYSTAL POWER!!!!

[ANOTHER FLASH OF BLINDING LIGHT!]

Edmund, aka Sailor Turducken: I AM SAILOR TURDUCKEN! In the name of a chicken stuffed in a duck stuffed in a turkey, I will punish you!

ANNAMARIE X200: SAILOR TURDUCKEN! LET US BATTLE, YOU WILL FALL BEFORE ANNAMARIE MIGHT, THIS I PROMISE.


[SCENE: DUREM, VANESSA'S SALON]


Vanessa: Oh, Meredith!

Meredith: Oh, Vanessa!

Vanessa: Meredith, I love you like a fat kid loves cake.

Meredith: And I love you too. You're so perfect... and your breasts are so soft.

Vanessa: Of course, I got them just to impress you.

Meredith: *GASP* WHAT?! THEY'RE NOT REAL? YOU TOLD ME THEY WERE REAL! YOU LIED! HOW CAN WE HAVE ANY TRUST IN OUR RELATIONSHIP IF YOU DON'T TELL THE TRUTH?!

Vanessa: I, er... It's not what you think! Really!

Meredith: ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! *runs off sobbing*



The battle between ANNAMARIE X200 and Sailor Turducken begins. Who will emerge victorious? Will Vanessa and Meredith get back together for hot lesbian sex? Will Edmund's Angels recover from being crushed by ANNAMARIE MIGHT? Will the minds of Gaian innocents ever recover from the mental picture of Edmund in a Sailor Moon outfit? Find out in the next installment of THE AFOREMENTIONED EDMUND/LEX/LIAM FANFIC...