I am working on seeing past laws and imaginary social things, like state borders... just because something is against the law does not mean it is impossible to do. For example, in a neighborhood with no other cars on the road, I chose to swerve into the left side of the road. Nancy freaked out. There was nobody there, but she was like 'zOHmygawdSTOP!' just like that! But it did feel strangely liberating. Speeding, jaywalking, graffitti, its all... ******** possible. I'm becoming aware of so much more potential in myself. Social rules are for those who follow them. When you break them down, you enter the world beyond them, and see that the lines in the middle of the street are just paint on rocks, not invisible forcefields, you see that you can go up to that lady and say "you're fat," there is nothing physically there stopping you from picking up a pack of skittles off the drug store shelf and eat it, you can do it... Its not like I would go around murdering people or anything, but it's part of free will. It makes me feel more empowered just knowing I could if the whim caught me. In a few ways, it does make me want to do it, just because I know I can. This is the thrill of growing up. This is the thrill of knowledge and of seeing things for what they are. Our lives are governed by principles. What's right and wrong? Its true that without giving society the benefit of the doubt and trusting that murder, stealing, rape, etc. are bad does keep social order. But it is my utter desire to feel like I have control over things... most importantly, control over myself. (I'm not a control freak, I just hate feeling helpless.) I want to be governed by me. I want my principles to be mine, and not just what society's taught me.
Does that make any sense? I don't know, I just started and went with it.
-the lizzybeast
