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-_..The Paradox Within My Mind.._-

For as long as I can remember, my life has been a paradox between my life and reality. All my dreams came crashing down six feet under, along with my mom. Right now, I'm living with my dad and stepmom. Another factor within my paradoxical life. My stepmom hates me. My dad's clueless. 'Nuff said. The only thing in my life right now that really makes sense is my books. My faery tales, my dragonology, my sci-fi, my darkest fantasies. My reality.

Hi, my name is Nathaniel Katamura. I'm a 15-year-old 10th grader living in Tokyo, Japan. My hobbies include reading, shopping in Ginza, hanging out with friends, and gonig to clubs and parties without my parents knowing. My boyfriend is 19-years-old with a nasty temper, but is very affectionate when he needs to be. My best friends' names is Natsumi and Kaito. Now, I'm gonig to tell you abou how I met Ya'ir, the vampire.
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June 12, 2008
Mercy was picking on my alot today. "Where were you last night," she asks. ******** off, homewrecker! I don't see what Dad sees in her. Whatever, at least Kaito's going to pick me up today. We're going to some party his cousin invited him to. Mercy's not going to like it, but, who cares? "Mercy," my a**.

June 16, 2008
I tried weed the other day. Natsumi let me try some. It was the best feeling I've ever had. I got a bit of a headache, but she says as I get used to it, the feeling will go away. I'm a bit scared to do it again, but... right now, I need something that feels good.

July 1, 2008
I met someone today. His name is Ya'ir. He says he's from Isreal. He's beautiful! Bright agua-marine eyes, tan skin, shoulder-length dirt blonde hair. He's really nice. Satoshi was jealous of how much I was gawking at him. Who cares, I'm going to break up with him tomorrow, anyway. I got Ya'ir's number. I'm going to call him tonight.

July 2, 2008
I broke up with Satoshi today, yay! He took it badly, but, no blood. Knowing him, he'll back off. At least he isn't like the last one. I had to change my number three times to get him off! Well, whatever. I talked to Ya'ir last night. He ased me on a date! Saturday night. I can't wait!

July 6, 2008
The date with Ya'ir went amazingly. I got a kiss! He's the best kisser I've ever kissed! He's really sweet, both in taste and personality. Lolz. I've never met anyone like him. I hope this one lasts. If not, no harm.

July 23, 2008
I went to a party today. Tsing Tao, sake, and some other drinks were there. I resisted! I had a water bottle with me. No one's drugging me anymore! Ya'ir called me at the party. He sounded sick. Cute, though, he was worried about me being at the party. He asked to see me tomorrow night. I can't wait!

July 25, 2008
Ya'ir's a better kisser than I thought! He came over to my house last night. Mercy and Dad were out for the night at some club. I can still feel his hands on my body. He's... intoxicating. I wish he could stay with me forever. But nothing lasts that long. Even I know that.

July 30, 2008
My birthday. Nothing much. Ya'ir called. That's about it. Whoopie.

August 6, 2008
Ya'ir wants to tell me something. He said it had to wait for Friday. I wonder what he has to say.

August 9, 2008
I can't belive it! I don't know if last night was a dream or what, but it's unbelieveable! Ya'ir's a vampire! He wanted to tell me... how cute. I know that's weird to say, but... I kinda' suspected as much. I've never seen him during the day. Maybe, just maybe, all my dark fantacies will be answered... maybe.

August 14, 2008
Ya'ir saw me again last night. He took me to a new Italian resteraunt. It was amazing. I can't wait for the Sakura Festival. He's gonig to take me! It's an entire year away, though. But, I'll be legal then. I can't wait!

September 2, 2008
I've desided that I do not have a reason to live, save for Ya'ir and my 2 friends. 'Nuff said. I can't stand this s**t anymore! I hate Mercy, I hate Dad, I hate society, I hate it all! God, why haven't I tried to kill myself yet? Oh yeah, that's because I'm too much of a p***y to pull a knife on myself. Maybe I could kill someone else and get the death penalty. That would work. Ya'ir would probably stop me, though. He foiled my last suiside attempt. I really do think I'm falling in love with him.

-8-From here on out, this story shall be in Ya'ir's P.O.V.-8-

Nathaniel. My little human. My little lover. My little virgin. He's my world. I don't know how any of this happened. How did I fall so madly in love with such a weak minded child? No, he isn't weak. He's strong, but he's breaking. I'll help him be strong again. But, for now, he needs to break. He's been too strong for too long.

We went on a date one night. My little angel sat before me, laughing sweetly while taking small bites of teriyaki chicken. I can tell. He hasn't eaten much lately. He's thinner, paler, and I can see him slightly shaking.

"When was the last time you ate," I asked, interupting him. He looked a bit sonfused at my question, and didn't answer me. "Please answer the question," I croon, taking his hand into mine.

"You'll be mad at me if I do," he murmured, not looking at me. How adorable. He was worried I'd get mad at him. So, I asked him the same question again, assuring him he could tell me anything. "I haven't eaten since yesterday morning."

OK. That's scerwed up. I asked him why, but he didn't answer me again. "Nathaniel, you need to tell me why you haven't eaten. What's wrong?"

He sighed, resting his head against our hands. "Mercy's not letting me eat. I ate at school, but she didn't let me get any lunch money or make myself a lunch. She said I was 'late for dinner,' so she didn't let me eat. The same thing for this morning, but she made me go to school to late to eat breakfast. I can't even ******** snack with her there, and she just got fired from her job! y stomach's been hurting so ********' bad..."

I raised his chin, kissing his forehead and smiling. "Let me talk to her about it. She'll have to oblige if-"

"Don't you dare!" he interupted, clutching my hand tightly. "She'll know I told you, and she'll do something worse. I'm begging you, don't tell anyone."

His eyes killed me. Those eternally hurting eyes. The desire for justice. The need for an escape. He's just too intoxicating. I gave him a light kiss on the lips, ordering him to finish his meal before I got him some dango. He really appreshiated that. I asked him if he wanted to come to my house for a bit to watch a movie, and he whipped out his cellphone, told him dad, and went along with me, clutching my coat sleeve like a child.

When we got to my apartment, we watched the American movie Sweeny Todd. I knew he knew English. But, he stopped paying attention to the movie after a while. He was moving my wrist around in his small hands, inspecting it.

"See anything interesting, love," I asked him, not drawing his attention.

"When was the last time you fed?" He was backlashing me. He's doing to me what I had just done to him. But, I can't 'eat' as easily as him. So, I answered him.

"Two weeks ago," I said plainly, lightly singing along with the song. Here comes hell.

"Two weeks ago," he exclaimed, interumpting me from the movie by sitting in my lap. "What the hell?! You need to feed, right away!"

"What are you going to do about, force me to feed from you?" He sat in my lap with a determined expression. Oh, s**t, that really wasn't the best thing to say. I just gave him a very bad idea. He balled his fists into my shirt, closing his eyes as if contemplating an answer. Oooh, this was going to be fun.

I didn't wait for his answer. I wrapped my arms around the small of his back and pulled him close to me, kissing his newly exposed neck. He gasped, tilting his head a bit more. I started to suck his neck, making his soft skin tender for my fangs. Not only was he going to have bite marks, but he was gonig to have one purple hickey. I breathed down his neck now, making his gasped and moan more. What an adorable virgin.

Finally, after the prolonged wait, I bit down, softly at first, but then harder once his sweet blood touched my lips. Oh God, I knew he's taste good, but not this good! Along with his gasps and and strangled screams, his blood tasted so sweet. So pure, innocent, delectable. I almost orgasmed into his throat. Almost. I moaned, though, pulling him closer, sinking my fangs farther into his neck.

"Pl-please, harder!" Oh God, if he said that again, I'd ******** rape him. I obliged, though, biting him harder, making his breath hitch. I had a little masochist in my midst here. Never the less, my hands had found their way into my little pain-lover's shirt, drawing my blunt fingurenails down his back. His hands were tangled in my hair, tugging and pulling at it. Well, it just goes to show you, I'm a sadomasochist.

This couldn't go on. I was gonig to drain him if I didn't stop. So, with the upmost reluctants, I released him, hearing him whimper with dissatisfaction. I hadn't noticed before, but he had magically appeared below me, so when I came up, he had to look up at me... with the most adorable eyes I'd ever seen. Lidded, glazed, shining. Beautiful.

I took him home after that, silently, feeling him leaning heavily against my arm. I walked him to the door of his house, running my hands through his hair as I stood before him.

"That was... interesting," I said, kissing him. When we pulled away, I knew what he meant to me. I knelt down to him, massaging his new hickey/bite. "Nathaniel," I whispered, smiling slightly. "Would you like to be my doner?"

His face took on the happiest expression I could ever think imaginable. He threw his arms around my neck nodding against my shoulder. "Every week, I'll feed you, I promise."

-8-
September 7, 2008
I am now Ya'ir's doner. I'm so happy! I'll be able to help him now. I'm his reason to live, like he is mine. I'm going to ask Dad if I can go live with him. Ya'ir said that it'd be healthier for the both of us to live together. I agree with him. So, good-bye, friend. Maybe you'll be made into a book one day. Maybe.
-Owari