Smiling faces, cheerful laughter, something I haven`t felt in a while. I always envied those people, the ones who wore those stupid grins on their faces 24/7 and who never stopped laughing even after the joke had come and gone. Because I never felt like I could feel that way.
"C`mon on, smile a bit."
'I want to.' The corners of my mouth jerked up a little. 'But I can`t.
Everything just seemed to wrong. Inside, everything was filled up with my tears and pain, there was just no more space for anything else. I was just so breakable and vulnerable. And just when I thought nothing else could get any worse, that little gray cloud was once again hanging over my head, already spilling out my tears, which I kept to myself.
"Please?! You never smile. It makes you look so serious all the time."
'I have to take this seriously, or it will never get better.'
I wanted to scream. I wanted to tear things apart. I wanted things to get better. I wanted to cry. But most of all, I wanted that genuine crystal smile, which I`ve shut deeper and deeper in my heart, throwing the key away in the process. I wanted to be saved and rescued.
"Come on, this wasn`t the girl I once knew."
'You don`t know me. The real me.'
Everyone thought they figured me out. "That`s right, this is just a phase, she`ll get over it eventually." Its not that simple, it just isn`t. "I`m sure she`ll be back to her old self in no time." Oh really? So now you can see into the future."I know her. She`s gong to be alright." You think you know me? You don`t.
Because no one understands me.
"Stop it." I barely recognize my own voice.
"What?"
"You have no idea what I`m going through, Don`t tell me to do this and that when you have no idea what it feels like to be me."
And she smiled.
"Why are you smiling? Do you think this is a joke?!"
"You think you`re the only one with problems?"
I was confused. "What?"
"You think you`re the only person who feels like you have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders," she looked up at me, "you`re not."
"You think you`re the only one with problems, well, apparently, you`re not. Everyone has problems and they have to deal with them everyday. Some people have worse problems than you, but you don`t seem to notice, do you?"
"Think about all these people in the world. They suffer and they cry, but they learn and move on. How can you be so selfish and self conceited, just to think about yourself when people out there are suffering more than you, who are hurting more than you."
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life you have a thousand reasons to smile."
Being happy doesn`t mean everything is perfect, it just means you`ve decided to look beyond the imperfections. You live everyday doing your best and giving it your all so you have no regret. You might come across some difficulties, but you get through them and you learn from them and they make you a stronger person. You deal with them the best you can and if sometimes they don`t work out, then it doesn`t work out. everyone gets this way sometimes, its just up to you to look around it and find something brighter. -4/1/08
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Something I wrote out of pure bored-om and procrastination.
"C`mon on, smile a bit."
'I want to.' The corners of my mouth jerked up a little. 'But I can`t.
Everything just seemed to wrong. Inside, everything was filled up with my tears and pain, there was just no more space for anything else. I was just so breakable and vulnerable. And just when I thought nothing else could get any worse, that little gray cloud was once again hanging over my head, already spilling out my tears, which I kept to myself.
"Please?! You never smile. It makes you look so serious all the time."
'I have to take this seriously, or it will never get better.'
I wanted to scream. I wanted to tear things apart. I wanted things to get better. I wanted to cry. But most of all, I wanted that genuine crystal smile, which I`ve shut deeper and deeper in my heart, throwing the key away in the process. I wanted to be saved and rescued.
"Come on, this wasn`t the girl I once knew."
'You don`t know me. The real me.'
Everyone thought they figured me out. "That`s right, this is just a phase, she`ll get over it eventually." Its not that simple, it just isn`t. "I`m sure she`ll be back to her old self in no time." Oh really? So now you can see into the future."I know her. She`s gong to be alright." You think you know me? You don`t.
Because no one understands me.
"Stop it." I barely recognize my own voice.
"What?"
"You have no idea what I`m going through, Don`t tell me to do this and that when you have no idea what it feels like to be me."
And she smiled.
"Why are you smiling? Do you think this is a joke?!"
"You think you`re the only one with problems?"
I was confused. "What?"
"You think you`re the only person who feels like you have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders," she looked up at me, "you`re not."
"You think you`re the only one with problems, well, apparently, you`re not. Everyone has problems and they have to deal with them everyday. Some people have worse problems than you, but you don`t seem to notice, do you?"
"Think about all these people in the world. They suffer and they cry, but they learn and move on. How can you be so selfish and self conceited, just to think about yourself when people out there are suffering more than you, who are hurting more than you."
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life you have a thousand reasons to smile."
Being happy doesn`t mean everything is perfect, it just means you`ve decided to look beyond the imperfections. You live everyday doing your best and giving it your all so you have no regret. You might come across some difficulties, but you get through them and you learn from them and they make you a stronger person. You deal with them the best you can and if sometimes they don`t work out, then it doesn`t work out. everyone gets this way sometimes, its just up to you to look around it and find something brighter. -4/1/08
---
Something I wrote out of pure bored-om and procrastination.
