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again.
I stand in the darkness. Broken like a newborn with no safety blanket. The world is free to stab with its dagger. My eyes search the darkness for a way free, a path which will lead me to a home. A home where someone there can love me for me, to show me the warmth of the world and learn to understand the mysteries that surround me, that is what I want. I want a home where a garden grows of ripe fruit and fresh vegetables. Where my children can frolic in its bounty and nourish their mind, body and soul. My heart nearly flutters at the thought but right now no such place exists. I am alone with my darkness, my own personal hell. This is where I see nothing, hear nothing, feel nothing. This is the nothingness. I shall remain this way until I find my way out, but how? There are no paths to which I can see no one to show me the way. I am lost.
The stars, they are my guidance. I know them well and they help me glow. My darkness is now a light with stars. They are all of different color, different size. Directly around me is a circle of twenty or more stars. They seem larger than the rest for they support me most. Without them I am sure to crumble, but they are not the only stars that are bright. Some which are brighter still exist. Those are my leading stars. I wish so much to follow them, to bask in their light, to see where they wish to take me, to show me the way. One of these stars used to float next to me, her light piercing my darkness and making my soul glow with a radiant gold. Sadly, this star had to leave; she had to go far away to place where her light became dim, to a place where I could not reach. I try to follow her and I did I ran but then when I was half way there she called to me, “I’m sorry, you can’t come today, try again later, I promise we shall meet again.” Yet every time I look to her, her shine gets duller and her size gets smaller. These stars are my life. Each one touching me with a bit of extra light, giving me that little extra boost, but many twinkle for minutes then fade back into the darkness once again. Bigger stars have faded into the abyss where I can never gaze upon them again, and I feel it. I feel the loss, the heartbreak as my stars fade away. Three of my stars seem to be growing bigger and brighter around me. One I have had glowing brightly but faded away into the nothing only to be found again. The other two I have only known for a short while. He who I had lost is slowly returning to me, but things have changed and he begins to flicker. Most of all I want him to stay bright for me, instead of watching him flicker like a light bulb whose wires have been breached. I wish for that star to stay closer to me so I may watch over him and add my own light to his. Support is something we both need even if this star does not see it. The other two started as mere flecks in my galaxy. I was gladdened by the light they gave and then slowly they in turn glowed more. They have moved inside my circle and I hope for them to stay safe within it. A
As I stand here looking at my guidance and the light they give I feel lost. Circles go on forever and I must go in a straight line. I cannot see much beyond my circle so I can never know which path leads true. Instead I am confused and lost just as I had been in the darkness. As I reach out for one they pull away at the last moment so I stay. My glow even with the help of the others has faded and I watch each of theirs fade as well. I fear it. So I scream and scream, “Please don’t leave me, show me the way, stay strong, be happy!” But my heartfelt tears are ignored, to never be heard. I don’t see many new stars anymore. They are all but distant specks in the vast nothingness of my space. In return I feel alone, alone among both stranger and friend, alone once again.