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So it practically took an entire week for that another-year-older-another-year-wiser feeling to sink in and register itself into my brain.

I am sixteenfreakingyears old.

April 26th, 2008, Saturday - the day before my birthday.
I remember waking up and almost vomitting at the thought of the big 1-6 mercilessly hitting me on the head in a matter of hours. If you know me at all, you'd know that I absolutely ditest the idea of growing up; you'd know that entering the real world is one of my biggest fears. So with my heart in denial and in my effort to try to ignore the fated day, I spent the morning of April 26th, 2008, Saturday - the day before my birthday - in TAKS tutorials. The Texas Assessment of Knowledge and Skills, otherwise known as the TAKS test, otherwise known as the stupidest, most pointless, most nerve-wracking, fail-it-and-your-whole-life-will-flash-before-your-eyes-in-seconds test was scheduled to make kids bawl like babies two days after April 27th, 2008, Sunday - my 16th birthday. So I did what any responsible unbirthday girl would do: sit in a classroom on a bright Saturday morning, filling my brain with beneficial knowledge.

Unfortunately, tutorials only lasted till noon and I found myself back in square one: sitting on my bed, tearing my hair out. Everything I had learned back in that classroom was clouded by the horrible fact that I would be turning another year older the very next day.

Most people start dreading the day of their birth once they reach their mid-thirties.
And then they go through a mid-life crisis.
Well, I probably started dreading the day of my birth after I turned twelve. But I'm only estimating. I could've started dreading it much earlier on... Which meant that my so-called "crisis" started pre-puberty. I saw past the cake frosting, past the balloons, and presents. I began to wonder what my purpose in this world was.

Wouldn't it be wonderful to go back to those innocent, care-free times when it wasn't important for things to make sense and things weren't so complicated; back when it was alright to color the sky yellow and stay in sandboxes all day? Away from the drama? Away from the peer pressure?

I realized that as I get older, more things are to be expected from me. I'd have to accept more responsibilities and am expected to make the right decisions and be knowledgable about a lot more things... Sometimes things I'd rather not know about. Life has put me through a lot. I find myself asking God why he put me on this earth in the first place. Sometimes I just want to give up and take the easy way out.

But as I was sitting and chatting and laughing with my friends and family during Bible study on April 26th, 2008, Saturday - the night before my birthday, it hit me just as hard as I imagined the big 1-6 hitting me. My search for "answers" made me blind; unable to see the wonderful, beautiful people before me. I began thinking of of my friends and family back in the Philippines who were not with me that night. These are the people who have stayed by my side through the good and the bad. These people meant the world to me and it was selfish of me for not realizing how incredibly blessed I was to have them. One of my wisest, dearest friends once told me to disregard the age and that "collecting various memories" was what mattered most. That's what I plan to do now: to embrace the good and accept the bad. It's easier said than done, but I'll keep trying.

April 27th, 2008, Sunday, 12:30 a.m. - minutes before my ACTUAL 16th birthday
I remember the drive home, sitting at the back of the car and constantly glancing at the clock. I still have dozens of unanswered questions and I still don't know what the future has in store for me. The end of the road is a long way from where I stand... but I'm getting there.

I take one last glance at the clock.
1:00 a.m.

Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me.