View User's Journal

Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

I feel sad...

Why? 'cause of her...and him.

I won't say names, it isn't justifiyable to crusify her in my journal, and it has the possibility to upset him and thats the last thing I want to do...I don't care if you know who I'm refering to or not, it really, really, doesn't matter to me anymore.

I gotta say, I've had a crush on him since the first day I met him. I mean, sure, it was on Gaia and whatnot...but I can have an online crush, can't I? razz And an online love~yush, I love teh guy lots. It was more than a friend kinda feelings, which were inappropriate since he loved her. sweatdrop She being someone I've idolized for many, many years now...

Their love...seemed like such a perfect little love story. At first. He had such strong feelings and she wasn't giving in. There was a "before time" and then a "second" time...and neither time worked in his favor in the longrun. It sadden me to hear of such things because I stil felt secretly towards him, and seeing him down is not a pleasant thing...

I don't like what she did to him. I dont appreciate how she left him feeling. How could someone I've looked up to for so long...betray my trust like that? I mean...I just...expected so much more out of her.

She was so cool, and so great, and so perfect in my little head...nothing she did could ever be wrong...because she was who she was. I loved her like a sister for that. She was so special to me...

Yet now, its like I don't even exist anymore. I guess, its 'cause we just know eachother online...she has lots to plan for irl...

I feel like we've drifted, though...and its like I dont understand why. I guess we were never really close before, now that I think about it...but back when I was in school last year it seemed we were becoming closer. I felt like we were getting closer until I met him...then its like thats when the drifting began....

I dunno if he caused it, I know I dont blame him.

I miss her, though.

Although her actions these last few months have been quiet distasteful...I still love her, too. Still concider her a friend even though I'm unsure if she even knows I exist anymore. I still hold her dear in my heart....

And yet, I keep saying and saying that...and I don't feel any better.

That used to be my faith to pull me through and its nto at all. I dont' feel any better...or any worse, about the situation.

I should stop caring, as she did, shouldnt I?

....I hate, when she makes him sad and hurt and feel worthless. I feel hurt, like...real hurt, when he says he's hurting...or upset or sad or whatever it maybe. I wish I could take all the hurt away...some friend I am.....

....Sorry for the late responce Cain...

I wonder whats wrong with Onii-san...I haven't heard from him in a very long time.....

Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

More Information