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im sorry!!!!!!!! i cant do it!!!!!! ive tried and tried to be little miss perfect in my parents eyes and i cant ******** do it!! i feel faithless, and i cant understand it!!!! why is everything i do a mistake to you?!?!?!?!? Numb-Linkin Park and Perfect-Simple Plan. two songs that describe EXACTLY how i feel at this moment!! I cant understand why i have to be miss perfect to be accepted into my own family! im closing up again and i dont want to!! i need out of this house!! i need to get away!! im tired of being what they want me to be and i want to be myself!!!!!!! why cant i just be myself?!!!! i cry alomst every night trying to get them to love me. i just want them to love me. they act like they do love me..but they dont!! i know exactly what they are expecting of me. they want me to be like peggy before she was a ******** up in their eyes. she was miss perfect. she never got into trouble because she was the perfect child. she was special because she came from a special home. she wasnt their child so they were EXTRA nice to her. i know i sound jealose..but I DONT CARE!! i used to talk to her. im 15 and shes 18 now. i dont know. im just so AHH!!! i get to see her in two days though..and even though she said to stay out of my life i dont care. i need her here. but yet again i want to be able to take care of myself. i cant wait til im 16 and i can get out of this place!!! with my parents somthering me like this i dont know if im ever going to get out of here. they're scared that im not going to have a good life. the only good life i would have is one without them in here! if i can find my real mother, then god damnit i am going to get out and live with her!! i know i have friends who care but i need my family to care too. i need my mom and dad to care. i need them to love me, not hate me. not be the parents dissapointed in their child because she unded up just like her sister. i dont want to end up like my sister! are they stupid! i want to be able to go to collage and live my life to the fullest! im tired of being talked about behind my back by my OWN PARENTS!!! i just feel like im alone anymore. Leslie, i know your reading this, and i know your going to tell me im not alone. but you dont even understand. no one has ANY idea what really goes on here at home. the little time that i get to spend with my parents are usually filled with harsh words and hate. im becoming numb to the pain that is going on here. im closing myself in and i dont want to do that. im becoming the person I dont want to be. they think that im going to be a ******** up just like peggy and that im fat stupid and have nothing else to do with my life except sit my lazy a** on the comptuer. my mother wont stop telling me that. that im a lazy ******** who needs to die. well you know what? i wish i WOULD die. if it was up to me i would. you know what? i feel like theres a monster inside of me thats about to be let out. i feel like there is something really bad in me that needs to be out and its about to be. im scared to tell my parents what i am feeling. im sorry i cant be miss perfect in their eyes. im sorry i cant be like peggy before she left. im sorry im not smart enough to make honor roll. im sorry that im not smart enough to get a scholarship even though im trying as hard as i can. i know people are going to say im trying my hardest and thats all that counts but its not. i have to be perfect for my parents so that they can tell me they're proud of me. i havent heard that in a long time. and if i had ive been suprised as hell. the home im living in isnt good, i hear nothing but fighting. my parents dont fight when friends are over but any other time they do. they fight with each other at lucky strike espically. my mom bickers aobut something that isnt done right and my dad complains that shes bickering..and blah blah. its the same s**t every day. thats why i hate to go there. why do my parents not accept who i am? everyone else does..all my friends, Cy, jeremy, why cant they? even all of my other family does. all my aunts and uncles, and even my grandparents do!!!! if they do why dont my parents!! my grandma likes me better than my mom!! every time she wants to invite my family over she always asks for me. i dont get it!!!!!! i just want to make them proud. i wont be good enough for them. i dont want to have another fight. nothing is alright. i want out. im sorry i cant be little miss perfect. i am sorry. please just forgive me and trust me again!!! nothing is going to change the things that my parents said. nothing is. i cant believe that it is hard to just talk to my parents aobut things like this, but they dont understand. they've been there they say, but i dont think they have. i want out. i have to do everything around the house. i try to help my mom as much as possible but it seems that nothing i do is good enough. i know shes sick and everything. so i try to help. its not my fault that i dont do it right. i tried, isnt that all that counts?!?!?! why arent I good enough!!!???
I GIVE UP!!!!
this is my cry out for help..so please..help