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1) Maximus: [after swiftly dispatching another gladiator] Are you not entertained? Are you not entertained? Is this not why you are here?
Crowd: Spaniard, Spaniard, Spaniard... (Gladiator, 2000)

2) Graham Hess: Swing away Merrill. Merrill... swing away. (Signs,2002)

3) Richard Vernon: You're not fooling anyone, Bender. The next screw that falls out will be you.
Bender: Eat my shorts.
Richard Vernon: What was that?
Bender: Eat... My... Shorts.
Richard Vernon: You just bought yourself another Saturday.
Bender: Ooh, I'm crushed.
Richard Vernon: You just bought one more.
Bender: Well I'm free the Saturday after that. Beyond that, I'm going to have to check my calendar.
Richard Vernon: Good, cause it's going to be filled. We'll keep going. You want another one? Just say the word say it. Instead of going to prison you'll come here. Are you through?
Bender: No. (The Breakfast Club,1985)

4) Brian Johnson: Dear Mr. Vernon, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. But we think you're crazy to make an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us... In the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain...
Andrew Clark: ...and an athlete...
Allison Reynolds: ...and a basket case...
Claire Standish: ...a princess...
John Bender: ...and a criminal...
Brian Johnson: Does that answer your question?... Sincerely yours, the Breakfast Club. (The Breakfast Club,1985)

5) John Bender: So... So, are you guys boyfriend/girlfriend? Steady Dates? Lov-ers? Come on, Sporto, level with me. Do you slip her the hot beef injection?
Claire Standish: GO TO HELL.
Andrew Clark: ENOUGH.
Richard Vernon: Hey. What's going on in there?
[whispering]
Richard Vernon: Damn pricks. (The Breakfast Club,1985)

6) John Bender: Don't you ever talk about my friends. You don't know any of my friends. You don't look at any of my friends. And you certainly wouldn't condescend to speak to any of my friends. So you just stick to the things you know: shopping, nail polish, your father's BMW, and your poor, rich drunk mother in the Caribbean.
Claire Standish: SHUT UP.
John Bender: And as far as being concerned about what's gonna happen when you and I walk down the hallways of school together, you can forget it cuz it's never gonna happen. Just bury your head in the sand and wait for your ******** prom. (The Breakfast Club,1985)

7) John Bender: Uh, d**k? Excuse me; Rich. Will milk be made available to us?
Andrew Clark: We're extremely thirsty, sir.
Claire Standish: I have a really low tolerance for dehydration.
Andrew Clark: I've seen her dehydrate, sir. It's pretty gross. (The Breakfast Club,1985)

cool John Bender: Stupid, worthless, no good, goddamn, freeloading son of a b***h. Retarded, big mouth, know-it-all, a*****e, jerk. You forgot ugly, lazy and disrespectful. Shut up b***h. Go fix me a turkey pot pie. No dad, what about you? ******** you. No dad, what about you? ******** you. Dad, what about you? ******** you.
Brian Johnson: Is that for real?
John Bender: You wanna come over sometime? (The Breakfast Club,1985)

9) John Bender: I like those earrings, Claire.
Claire Standish: Shut up.
John Bender: Are those real diamonds, Claire?
Claire Standish: Shut up.
John Bender: I bet they are. Did you work for the money to buy those earrings?
Claire Standish: Shut your mouth.
John Bender: Or did your Daddy buy those for you?
Claire Standish: [shouts] Shut up!
John Bender: I'll bet he bought those for you. I bet those were a Christmas gift. You know what I got for Christmas? Oh, it was a banner ******** year at the old Bender family. I got a carton of cigarettes. The old man grabbed me and said, "Hey, smoke up Johnny." Alright? So go home and cry to your Daddy. Don't cry here, okay? (The Breakfast Club,1985)

10) John Bender: My impression of life at Big Bri's house, "Son?" "Yeah, Dad?" "How was your day, son?" "Great, Dad. How's yours?" "Super. Say, how would like to go fishing this weekend?" "Great, Dad. But I got homework to do." "That's okay, son. You can do it on the boat." "Gee." "Hon, isn't our son swell?" "Yes, dear. Isn't life swell?"
[kiss] (The Breakfast Club,1985)

11) [as arrows rain down on the Spartans, Astinos begins laughing hysterically]
Stelios: What the hell are you laughing at?
Astinos: Well, you had to say it!
Stelios: What?
Astinos: "Fight in the shade"!
[both laugh] (300,2007)

12) [last lines]
Dilios: And so my king died, and my brothers died, barely a year ago. Long I pondered my king's cryptic talk of victory. Time has proven him wise, for from free Greek to free Greek, the word was spread that bold Leonidas and his three hundred, so far from home, laid down their lives. Not just for Sparta, but for all Greece and the promise this country holds.
[takes his spear from a soldier]
Dilios: Now, here on this ragged patch of earth called Plataea, Xerxes's hordes face obliteration!
Spartan Army: HA-OOH!
Dilios: Just there the barbarians huddle, sheer terror gripping tight their hearts with icy fingers... knowing full well what merciless horrors they suffered at the swords and spears of three hundred. Yet they stare now across the plain at *ten thousand* Spartans commanding thirty thousand free Greeks! HA-OOH!
Spartan Army: HA-OOH! HA-OOH! HA-OOH!
Dilios: The enemy outnumber us a paltry three to one, good odds for any Greek. This day we rescue a world from mysticism and tyranny and usher in a future brighter than anything we can imagine.
[puts on his helmet]
Dilios: Give thanks, men, to Leonidas and the brave 300! TO VICTORY!
[the Greek army roars and charges] (300,2007)

13) Stelios: It's an honor to die at your side.
King Leonidas: It's an honor to have lived at yours. (300,2007)

14) Persian: A thousand nations of the Persian empire descend upon you. Our arrows will blot out the sun!
Stelios: Then we will fight in the shade. (300,2007)

15) Dilios: His helmet was stifling, it narrowed his vision. And he must see far. His shield was heavy. It threw him off balance. And his target is far away.
[Leonidas throws his spear and hits the side of Xerxes' face, ripping off his face piercings] (300,2007)

16) King Leonidas: Spartans! Prepare for glory!
Daxos: Glory? Have you gone mad? There is no glory to be had now! Only retreat, or surrender or death!
King Leonidas: Well, that's an easy choice for us, Arcadian! Spartans never retreat! Spartans never surrender! Go spread the word. Let every Greek assembled know the truth of this. Let each among them search his own soul. And while you're at it, search your own. (300,2007)

17) King Leonidas: Children, gather round! No retreat, no surrender; that is Spartan law. And by Spartan law we will stand and fight... and die. A new age has begun. An age of freedom, and all will know, that 300 Spartans gave their last breath to defend it! (300,2007)

1 cool Xerxes: Come Leonidas, let us reason together. It would be a regrettable waste. It would be nothing short of madness for you, brave king, and your valiant troops to perish. All because of a simple misunderstanding. There is much our cultures could share.
King Leonidas: Haven't you noticed? We've been sharing our culture with you all morning. (300,2007)

19) Captain: They look thirsty!
King Leonidas: Well, let's give them something to drink! To the cliffs! (300,2007)

20) King Leonidas: My heart is broken for your loss.
Captain: Heart? I have filled my heart with hate.
King Leonidas: Good. (300,2007)

21) Xerxes: But I am a generous god. I can make you rich beyond all measure. I will make you warlord of all Greece. You will carry my battle standard to the heart of Europa. Your Athenian rivals will kneel at your feet if you will but kneel at mine.
King Leonidas: You are generous as you are divine, O king of kings. Such an offer only a madman would refuse. But the, uh, the idea of kneeling, it's- You see, slaughtering all those men of yours has, uh, well it's left a nasty cramp in my leg, so kneeling will be hard for me. (300,2007)

22) Xerxes: You Greeks take pride in your logic. I suggest you employ it. Consider the beautiful land you so vigorously defend. Picture it reduced to ash at my whim! Consider the fate of your women!
Spartan King Leonidas: Clearly you don't know our women! I might as well have marched them up here, judging by what I've seen. (300,2007)

23) Spartan King Leonidas: Spartans! Ready your breakfast and eat hearty... For tonight, we dine in hell! (300,2007)

24) King Leonidas: This is where we hold them! This is where we fight! This is where they die!
Captain: Earn these shields, boys!
[Spartans cheer]
King Leonidas: Remember this day, men, for it will be yours for all time. (300,2007)

25) [in the midst of the battle]
Astinos: You still here?
Stelios: Somebody's gotta watch your back.
Astinos: Not now, I'm a little busy! (300,2007)

26)Tony Montana: I always tell the truth. Even when I lie. (Scarface,1983)

27) Tony Montana: What you lookin' at? You all a bunch of ********' assholes. You know why? You don't have the guts to be what you wanna be? You need people like me. You need people like me so you can point your ********' fingers and say, "That's the bad guy." So... what that make you? Good? You're not good. You just know how to hide, how to lie. Me, I don't have that problem. Me, I always tell the truth. Even when I lie. So say good night to the bad guy! Come on. The last time you gonna see a bad guy like this again, let me tell you. Come on. Make way for the bad guy. There's a bad guy comin' through! Better get outta his way! (Scarface,1983)

2 cool Tony Montana: You know what your problem is?
Elvira Hancock: What's that?
Tony Montana: You don't got nothing to do with your life. Why don't you get a job? Work with lepers. Blind kids. Anything's gotta be better than lying around all day waiting for me to ******** you.
Elvira Hancock: Don't toot your horn, honey. You're not that good. (Scarface,1983)

29) [to Sosa's assassins]
Tony Montana: I'm Tony Montana! You ******** with me, you ********' with the best! (Scarface,1983)

30) Tony Montana: In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women. (Scarface,1983)

31) Hector the Toad: You want to give me the cash, or do I kill your brother first, before I kill you?
Tony Montana: Why don't you try sticking your head up your a**? See if it fits. (Scarface,1983)

32) Tony Montana: Who put this thing together? Me, that's who! Who do I trust? Me! (Scarface,1983)

33) Tony Montana: I never ******** anybody over in my life didn't have it coming to them. You got that? All I have in this world is my balls and my word and I don't break them for no one. Do you understand? That piece of s**t up there, I never liked him, I never trusted him. For all I know he had me set up and had my friend Angel Fernandez killed. But that's history. I'm here, he's not. Do you wanna go on with me, you say it. You don't, then you make a move. (Scarface,1983)

34) Tony Montana: You know what capitalism is? Getting ********! (Scarface,1983)

35) Tony Montana: This is paradise, I'm tellin' ya. This town like a great big p***y just waiting to get ********. (Scarface,1983)

36) Alejandro Sosa: I only tell you once. Don't ******** me, Tony. Don't you ever try to ******** me. (Scarface,1983)

37) Alejandro Sosa: Alberto is an expert in the disposal business. (Scarface,1983)

3 cool Elvira: Can't you stop saying ******** all the time? (Scarface,1983)

39) Tony Montana: I got ears, ya know. I hear things.
Frank Lopez: Yeah? What do you hear about Echevierra and the Diaz brothers? What about them? What about Gaspar Gomez? What is he gonna do when you start moving 2000 keys?
Tony Montana: ******** Gaspar Gomez! And ******** the ********' Diaz brothers! ******** 'em all! I bury those cockroaches! (Scarface,1983)

40) Tony Montana: You wanna waste my time? Okay. I call my lawyer. He's the best lawyer in Miami. He's such a good lawyer, that by tomorrow morning, you gonna be working in Alaska. So dress warm. (Scarface,1983)

41) Tony Montana: Here pelican, pelican, pelican... (Scarface,1983)

42) [watching news on TV]
Tony Montana: I know that. But you know why? Because you got your head up your culo, that's why. That ******** guy. He never tells the truth. That ********. (Scarface,1983)

43) [during the final shootout with Sosa's assassins]
Tony Montana: You think you can take me? You need a ******** army if you gonna take me! (Scarface,1983)

44) Tony Montana: Is this it? That's what it's all about, Manny? Eating, drinking, ********, sucking? Snorting? Then what? You're 50. You got a bag for a belly. You got tits, you need a bra. They got hair on them. You got a liver, they got spots on it, and you're eating this ********' s**t, looking like these rich ******** mummies in here... Look at that. A junkie. I got a ********' junkie for a wife. She don't eat nothing. Sleeps all day with them black shades on. Wakes up with a Quaalude, and who won't ******** me 'cause she's in a coma. I can't even have a kid with her, Manny. Her womb is so polluted, I can't even have a ********' little baby with her!
Manolo Ray: C'mon Tony...
Elvira Hancock: You son of a b***h!... you ********!...
[throws wine in Tony's face]
Elvira Hancock: HOW DARE YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT! What makes you so much better than me? What do you do? Kill people? Deal your drugs? Real contribution to human history Tony! What makes you think you can be a father? You don't even know how to be a good husband! (Scarafce,1983)

45) Tony Montana: Bet you feel good, huh? Bet you feel good to kill a mother and her kids, huh, bet you feel BIG...
Alberto The Shadow: Shut your mouth!
Tony Montana: ...Like, you big man. Well ******** you. What do you think I am? You think I'd kill two kids and a woman? ******** that! I don't need that s**t in my life.
[Alberto reaches for detonator's button]
Tony Montana: You die ********!
[Tony shoots him in the head]
Tony Montana: What'd you think of that, huh? What you think, I'm a ******** worm like you? I told you, man, I told you! Don't ******** with me! I told you, no ******** kids! No, but you wouldn't listen, why, you stupid ********, look at you now. (Scarface,1983)

46) Manny: [to a bikini girl who has slapped him] b***h! LESBIAN! (Scarface,1983)

47) Frank Lopez: Tony, don't kill me, please!
Tony Montana: I ain't gonna kill you.
Frank Lopez: Oh Christ, thank you! Thank you!
[Tony looks at Manny]
Tony Montana: Manolo, shoot that piece of s**t! (Scarface,1983)

4 cool Elvira: You know what you're becoming, Tony? You're an immigrant spick millionaire, who can't stop talking about money...
Tony Montana: Who the ******** you calling a spick, mang? You white piece of bread. Get outta the way of the television. (Scarface,1983)

49) Tony Montana: The only thing in this world that gives orders... is balls. (Scarface,1983)

50) Tony Montana: [watching flamingos on TV] Come on, pelicans! Fly, fly away! (Scarface,1983)

51) Tony Montana: Every dog has his day, huh, Mel?
Bernstein: I told him. It didn't make any sense, clipping you when we had you working for us. He wouldn't listen. He got hot tonight, about the broad, you know?
Bernstein: He ******** up.
Tony Montana: You too, Mel. You ******** up.
Bernstein: Don't go too far, Tony.
Tony Montana: I not, Mel, you are.
[Tony shoots Bernstein in the gut, he gasps and groans]
Bernstein: ********. You can't shoot a cop!
Tony Montana: Whoever says you was one?
[Tony leans forward, aiming the gun at Bernstein]
Bernstein: Wait a minute! You let me go. I'll fix this up.
Tony Montana: Sure, Mel. Maybe you can hand out yourself one of them first class tickets to the Resurrection.
Bernstein: ******** punk. Son of a b***h.
[Tony stands up]
Tony Montana: So long, Mel, have a good trip.
Bernstein: ******** you! (Scarface,1983)

52) Tony Montana: Hey, Frank, you're a piece of s**t.
Frank Lopez: What are you talking about?
Tony Montana: You know what I'm taking about about, you ******** cockroach. (Scarface,1983)

53) Frank Lopez: You know what a chazzer is?
Tony Montana: No, Frank, you tell me. What is a chazzer?
Frank Lopez: It's a Yiddish word for "pig." See, the guy, he wants more than what he needs. He don't fly straight no more. (Scarface,1983)

54) Tony Montana: Hey, how'd you like that? Huh? You ********' maricón! Hey! (Scarface,1983)

55) Alejandro Sosa: I told you a long time ago, you ******** little monkey, not to ******** ME! (Scarface,1983)

56) Tony Montana: [after coldly disposing of Frank Lopez and Mel Berstein] OK, come on.
Manny: What about Ernie?
[Lopez's assistant]
Tony Montana: [very tense music builds, shot of Ernie sweating and fidgeting, then slow zoom shot of Tony and Manny looking at Ernie. Tense music stops] You want a job, Ernie?
Ernie: [Ernie breathes a huge sigh of relief] Sure, Tony. (Scarface,1983)

57) [Drebin searches a drawer]
Frank: Bingo!
[pulls out a bingo card] (The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad!,198 cool

5 cool [offering a cigar]
Vincent Ludwig: Cuban?
Frank: No, Dutch-Irish. My father was from Wales. (The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad!,198 cool

59) Jane: Would you like a nightcap?
Frank: No thank you, I don't wear them. (The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad!,198 cool

60) [while Jane is erotically sucking his finger]
Frank: I've got nine more. (The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad!,198 cool

61) Mrs. Nordberg: Oh, my poor Nordberg! He was such a good man, Frank. He never wanted to hurt anyone. Who would do such a thing?
Frank: It's hard to tell. A gang of thugs, a blackmailer, an angry husband, a gay lover... (The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad!,198 cool

62) Jane: I'm boiling a roast. How hot and wet do you like it?
Frank: Very hot, and awfully wet. (The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad!,198 cool

63) [Frank has beaten a horde of America's most-feared world leaders in a conference room and heads for a door]
Muammar al-Qaddafi: Hey, who are you?
Frank: I'm Lt. Frank Drebin! Police Squad! And don't ever let me catch you guys in America!
[the door hits Frank in the face and he loses his balance] (The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad!,198 cool

64) Det. Nordberg: Drugs... drugs...
Frank: Nurse! get this man some drugs!
[nurse administers drugs]
Det. Nordberg: No... no...
[pulls Frank towards him]
Det. Nordberg: Heroin. Heroin, Frank.
Frank: Uh... that's a pretty tall order, it'll take a couple of days for that one. (The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad!,198 cool

65) Johnny Knoxville: I'm Johnny Knoxville, and welcome to "Jackass"! (Jackass: The Movie,2002)

66) Bam Margera: Since we no longer have to bleep cuss words, I promise I will get my mom to say, "********" by the end of this movie.
[after seeing an alligator in her house]
April Margera: That's the scariest ******** thing I ever saw! (Jackass: The Movie,2002)

67) Chris Pontius: Wait a minute. I already know my fortune, it's partying! (Jackass: The Movie,2002)

6 cool Bam Margera: Whose d**k do I gotta suck to get some explosions around here? (Jackass: The Movie,2002)

69) Chris Pontius: Hi, I'm Bunny the Lifeguard, any of these alligators try to ruin our swimming, I'm gonna wrestle them down, and probably have my way with them. (Jackass: The Movie,2002)

70) Ryan Dunn: I'm surrounded by cacti, for ******** sake... IT'S CACTI!
Steve-O: It's cactus!
Ryan Dunn: Whatever it is, it hurts! (Jackass: The Movie,2002)

71) Johnny Knoxville: That had bad news written all over it.
Bam Margera: Dunn can't drive for s**t! (Jackass: The Movie,2002)

72) Bam Margera: [from extended footage, on phone] How much does Rake hate mustard?
[to cameraman]
Bam Margera: This is Rake's mom and she says I wouldn't be able to have children in my future. (Jackass: The Movie,2002)

73) Johnny Knoxville: [dazed, holding head after golf cart accident] I don't know what happened. I just remember we went in the air and the next thing I know, I'm just... ********.
Bam Margera: Dude, you were hauling so much a**! (Jackass: The Movie,2002)

74) Johnny Knoxville: Rectal bleeding... another first for Jackass. (Jackass Number Two,2006)

75) Chris Pontius: I can't believe I'm fishing with Steve-o as my bait! (Jackass Number Two,2006)

76) April Margera: Why would you burn him in the first place, Dunn?
Ryan Dunn: 'Cause it was funny... (Jackass Number Two,2006)

77) Johnny Knoxville: Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and I'm going to the moon! (Jackass Number Two,2006)

7 cool Bam Margera: Please God, don't let there be a "Jackass 3". (Jackass Number Two,2006)

79) Dave England: Oh God! Oh... Oh... Oh God!... my a** hurts so ******** bad! (Jackass Number Two,2006)

80) Chris Pontius: [after drinking horse semen] I'm ashamed of myself. I really am. I'm completely ashamed of myself. (Jackass Number Two,2006)

81) Bam Margera: Ape, I got a muffed-up a** butt!
April Margera: I know, and you had the cutest butt ever and now you ruined it!
Bam Margera: No, d**k Farm Dunn ruined it. (Jackass Number Two,2006)

82) [Bam has just been branded with a p***s-shaped branding iron]
Bam Margera: You gave me a hologram d**k! There's three solid dicks, there's one half-assed one right here, and then you gave me a set of balls.
Johnny Knoxville: But a sweet set of balls!
Bam Margera: Rad... I'd rather rip my d**k off and throw it in the river than to do that again. Goddamn! (Jackass Number Two,2006)

83) Johnny Knoxville: [while Bam is in trailor with Cobra] You crying?
Bam Margera: Yeah. (Jackass Number Two,2006)

84) Steve-O: [chuckling] You just pleasured a horse. (Jackass Number Two,2006)

85) Ryan Dunn: Ooh my hip! I think I just gave birth! (Jackass Number Two,2006)

86) Chris Pontius: [after Matt Hoffman attempts to jump the English Channal on his bike] He didnt even make it to Germany! (Jackass Number Two,2006)

87) Johnny Knoxville: [after taking a fall] My head stopped my body from getting really hurt on that. (Jackass Number Two,2006)

8 cool Chris Pontius: Water-based lubricants, friend or foe? You be the judge. (Jackass Number Two,2006)

89) Ryan Dunn: [Johnny Knoxville is about to be launched with the rocket] This isn’t the best idea.
Bam Margera: Yes it is... (Jackass Number Two,2006)

90) Dimitry Elyashkevich: [Johnny Knoxville is ready to be launced on the rocket] 5... 4... 3... 2... 1!
Bam Margera: Later!
[Presses the launch button] (Jackass Number Two,2006)

91) Chris Pontius: Hey Ehren, maybe after this movie you'll finally lose your virginity. (Jackass Number Two,2006)

92) Bam Margera: [before the Riot Control skit] If Knoxville goes in there, I'll French kiss him. (Jackass Number Two,2006)

93) Steve-O: I just had a leech chomp my eyeball. YES! (Jackass Number Two,2006)

94) Johnny Knoxville: [while gagging after Pontius drinks the horse semen] I never puke ever, and I really almost puked then. (Jackass Number Two,2006)

95) Phil Margera: [after seeing Bam's brand] He should have made it bigger and more realistic, that puny thing's embarrassing! (Jackass Number Two,2006)

96) Bam Margera: [after the Yak Charge] That couldn't have gone any better. I didn't know Knoxville could do back flips. (Jackass Number Two,2006)

97) Chris Pontius: [after Wee Man and Preston go bungee jumping off the bridge] That was intense, really intense. Well, not really intense, but pretty intense. (Jackass Number Two,2006)

9 cool Cat Admiring Bitter Customer: Cute cat. What's his name?
Randal Graves: Annoying customer.
Cat Admiring Bitter Customer: [grabs pack of cigarettes] ********' dickhead. (Clerks.,1994)

99) Jay: I feel good today, Silent Bob, we're gonna make some money, then you know what we're going to do? We're gonna go to that party, and we're gonna get some p***y, and I'm gonna ******** this b***h, and ******** this b***h, I'll ******** ANYTHING THAT MOVES! What the ******** you lookin at, I'll kick yo ******** a**! s**t yeah. Doesn't that ******** owe me 10 bucks? You know, ******** tonight, we're gonna rip off that ******** head, and take out his ********' SOUL. Hey, what's up baby, what's up, sluts? (Clerks.,1994)

100) Randal Graves: So your argument is that title dictates behavior?
Dante Hicks: What?
Randal Graves: The reason you won't let me borrow your car is because I have a title and a job description, and I'm supposed to follow it, right?
Dante Hicks: Exactly.
Tabloid Reading Customer: I saw one, one time, that said the world was ending the next week. Then in the next week's paper, they said we were miraculously saved at the zero hour by a Koala-fish mutant bird. Crazy s**t.
Randal Graves: So I'm no more responsible for my own decisions while I'm here at work than, say, the Death Squad soldiers in Bosnia?
Dante Hicks: That's stretching it. You're not being asked to slay children or anything.
Randal Graves: Not yet.
[takes a drink of water]
Tabloid Reading Customer: And I remember this one time the damn paper said...
[Randal spits water at him]
Tabloid Reading Customer: I'm going to break your ******** head! You ******** jerk-off!
Dante Hicks: Sir! Sir, I'm sorry! He didn't mean it! He meant to hit me.
Tabloid Reading Customer: Well, he missed!
Dante Hicks: I know. I'm sorry. Here, let me refund your money, and we'll call it even.
Tabloid Reading Customer: I'll never come in here again.
[to Randal]
Tabloid Reading Customer: And if I ever see you again, I'm gonna break your ******** head open!
[Randal salutes him, customer leaves]
Dante Hicks: What'd you do that for?
Randal Graves: Two reasons: one, I hate when the people can't shut up about the stupid tabloid headlines.
Dante Hicks: Jesus!
Randal Graves: And two, to make a point: title does not dictate behavior. If title dictated my behavior, as a clerk serving the public, I wouldn't be allowed to spit a mouthful of water at that guy. But I did, so my point is that people dictate their own behavior. Hence, even though I'm a clerk in this video store, I choose to go rent videos at Big Choice. Agreed?
[Dante gives Randal his car keys]
Dante Hicks: You're a danger to both the dead and the living.
Randal Graves: I like to think I'm a master of my own destiny.
Dante Hicks: Please, get the hell out of here.
Randal Graves: Oh, come on. You know I'm your hero. (Clerks.,1994)

101) Coroner: My only question is how did she come to have sex with the dead guy?
Dante Hicks: She thought it was me.
Coroner: What kind of convenience store do you run here? (Clerks.,1994)

102) Randal Graves: Which did you like better? "Jedi" or "The Empire Strikes Back"?
Dante Hicks: "Empire".
Randal Graves: Blasphemy.
Dante Hicks: "Empire" had the better ending. I mean, Luke gets his hand cut off, finds out Vader's his father, Han gets frozen and taken away by Boba Fett. It ends on such a down note. I mean, that's what life is, a series of down endings. All "Jedi" had was a bunch of Muppets. (Clerks.,1994)

103) Dante Hicks: You ever notice how all the prices end in nine? Damn, that's eerie.
Randal Graves: [reading a magazine] Have you ever wondered how much the average j**z-mopper makes per hour?
Dante Hicks: What's a j**z-mopper?
Randal Graves: He's the guy that cleans up the nudie booth after each guy jerks off.
Dante Hicks: Nudie booth?
Randal Graves: Yeah, nudie booth. You've never been in a nudie booth?
Dante Hicks: I guess not.
Randal Graves: Oh, it's great. There's this glass between you and these chicks, and they put on a show for you for like 10 bucks.
Dante Hicks: What kinda show?
[Customer walks up to counter with a bottle of glass cleaner and a roll of paper towels]
Randal Graves: They do the weirdest, craziest s**t you like to see chicks do. They insert things into any opening on their body - ANY opening.
Dante Hicks: Could we not talk about this right now?
Randal Graves: The j**z-mopper's job is to clean off the glass after each guy shoots a load. I don't know if you noticed, but c** leaves streaks if you don't clean it right away.
Offended Customer: I will never come to this place again!
Dante Hicks: I'm sorry?
Offended Customer: Using filthy language in front of the customers, you both should be fired!
Dante Hicks: I'm sorry, I guess we got carried away.
Offended Customer: I don't know if sorry could make up for it, you've highly offended me.
Randal Graves: Well if you thinks that's offensive, check this out!
[Shows him graphic picture from porn mag]
Randal Graves: I think you can see her kidneys! (Clerks.,1994)

104) Indecisive Video Customer: They say so much, but they never tell you if it's any good... are either one of these any good?... Sir?
Randal Graves: What?
Indecisive Video Customer: Are either one of these any good?
Randal Graves: I don't watch movies.
Indecisive Video Customer: Well, have you heard anything about either one of them?
Randal Graves: I find it's best to stay out of other people's affairs.
Indecisive Video Customer: You mean you've haven't heard anybody say anything about either one of these?
Randal Graves: Nope.
Indecisive Video Customer: [Turns around, then shows Randal the same movies] Well, what about these two?
Randal Graves: Oh, they suck.
Indecisive Video Customer: These are the same two movies! You weren't paying any attention!
Randal Graves: No, I wasn't.
Indecisive Video Customer: I don't think your manager would appreciate...
Randal Graves: I don't appreciate your ruse, ma'am.
Indecisive Video Customer: I beg your pardon?
Randal Graves: Your ruse. Your cunning attempt to trick me.
Indecisive Video Customer: I was only pointing out that you weren't paying any attention to what I was saying!
Randal Graves: And I hope it feels good.
Indecisive Video Customer: You hope WHAT feels good?
Randal Graves: I hope it feels so good to be right. There's nothing more exhilarating than pointing out the shortcomings of others, is there?
Indecisive Video Customer: Well, this is the last time I rent here.
Randal Graves: You'll be missed.
Indecisive Video Customer: Screw you!
[leaves]
Randal Graves: [runs to the door] Hey! You're not allowed to rent here anymore!
Jay: [who has been standing outside, and has no idea what's going on] Yeah! (Clerks.,1994)

105) Dante Hicks: You said you only had sex with three different guys; you never mentioned him!
Veronica Loughran: Because I never HAD sex with him.
Dante Hicks: You sucked his d**k!
Veronica Loughran: We went out a few times. We never had sex but we fooled around.
Dante Hicks: Oh my God, WHY did you tell me you only had sex with three different guys?
Veronica Loughran: Because I DID only have sex with three different guys; that doesn't mean I didn't just go with people.
Dante Hicks: Oh my God, I feel so nauseous!
Veronica Loughran: I'm sorry, Dante, I thought you understood!
Dante Hicks: I did understand! I understood that you had sex with three different guys and that's all you said!
Veronica Loughran: Please calm down.
Dante Hicks: How many?
Veronica Loughran: Dante...
Dante Hicks: How many dicks have you sucked?
Veronica Loughran: Let it go!
Dante Hicks: How many?
Veronica Loughran: All right, shut up a second and I'll tell you! Jesus! I didn't freak out like this when you told me how many girls you ********!
Dante Hicks: This is different, this is important. How many?
[long pause as customer buys something]
Dante Hicks: Well?
Veronica Loughran: Something like... 36.
Dante Hicks: What? Something like 36?
Veronica Loughran: Lower your voice.
Dante Hicks: Wait a minute, what is that anyway, something like 36? Does that INCLUDE me?
Veronica Loughran: Ummm... 37.
Dante Hicks: I'm 37? (Clerks.,1994)

106) Dante Hicks: 37! My girlfriend's sucked 37 dicks!
Customer with Diapers: In a row? (Clerks.,1994)

107) Dante Hicks: Hey, try not to suck any d**k on the way through the parking lot! (Clerks.,1994)

10 cool Randal Graves: This job would be great if it wasn't for the ******** customers. (Clerks.,1994)

109) Caged Animal Masturbator: It's important to have a job that makes a difference, boys. That's why I manually masturbate caged animals for artificial insemination. (Clerks.,1994)

110) [Randal is on the phone when a woman and little girl come to the counter]
'Happy-Scrappy' Mom: Excuse me, do you sell videos?
Randal Graves: Yeah, what're you looking for?
'Happy-Scrappy' Kid: Happy Scrappy Hero Pup.
Randal Graves: Okay, hang on, I'm on the phone with the distribution house now, lemme make sure we got it. What was it called again?
'Happy-Scrappy' Mom: Happy Scrappy Hero Pup.
'Happy-Scrappy' Kid: Happy Scrappy!
'Happy-Scrappy' Mom: She loves it.
Randal Graves: Obviously. Yeah, hello, this is RST Video, customer number 4352, I need to place an order. Okay, I need one each of the following tapes: "Whispers in the Wind", "To Each His Own", "Put It Where It Doesn't Belong", "My Pipes Need Cleaning", "All ******** Volume 8", "I Need Your c**k", "a**-Worshipping Rim-Jobbers", "My c**t Needs Shafts", "c** Clean", "c**-Gargling Naked Sluts", "c** Buns III", "Cumming in Socks", "c** On Eileen", "Huge Black Cocks and Pearly White c**", "Girls Who Crave c**k", "Girls Who Crave c**t", "Men Alone II: the KY Connection", "Pink p***y Lips", and, uh, oh yeah, "All Holes Filled with Hard c**k". Uh-huh... yeah... Oh, wait, and, what was that called again? (Clerks.,1994)

111) Dante Hicks: Embolism in a pool, what an embarrassing way to die.
Randal Graves: That's nothing compared to how my cousin Walter died.
Dante Hicks: How did he go?
Randal Graves: He broke his neck.
Dante Hicks: You call that embarrassing?
Randal Graves: He broke his neck while trying to suck his own d**k! (Clerks.,1994)

112) Randal Graves: Fine then, just let me borrow your car.
Dante Hicks: What for?
Randal Graves: I want to go rent a movie. What was that?
Dante Hicks: You work at a video store!
Randal Graves: I work at a shitty video store! I want to go to a good video store and get a good movie! (Clerks.,1994)

113) Jay: Yeah, Silent Bob, your a rude ********, you know that? But you're cute has hell. I could go down on you, suck you, line up three other guys and make like a circus seal.
[Jay makes a rude head gesture and car horn honks]
Jay: Ewww, you ******** f*****t, I HATE guys. I LOVE WOMEN! (Clerks.,1994)

114) Jay: Pack o' wraps, my brotherman, time to kick back, drink some beers and shmoke some weed! (Clerks.,1994)

115) Veronica Loughran: Hi, Randal.
Randal Graves: Thirty-seven?
Dante Hicks: Shut up! (Clerks.,1994)

116) Shannon Hamilton: That's it. You're dead, mallrat! I'm gonna ******** you up beyond repair!
Brodie: Ladies and gentlemen, this tall drink of water headed my way is a pillar of the shopping community who informed me earlier today of a nefarious plan of his to screw my girlfriend in an extremely uncomfortable place.
Gil Hicks: What... like the back of a Volkswagen? (Mallrats,1995)

117) Brandi: [calm and nefarious tone] Suitor #2, if you were a comic book character, which one would you be?
[Brodie is caught off guard, but delighted with the question]
Brodie: Wow! That's a good question. Tough one though. I mean, what does one gauge his response on: physical powers? Keen detection skills? The ability to banter well with super villians? Or even...
Brandi: [interupting] How's your comic book collection, Brodie?
Brodie: Oh it's still big, but I've been trading the...
[T.S. punches Brodie's arm and shows an angry look, realizing they have been made]
Brodie: Uh... comics? What the hell are you talking about? Hey lady, I don't collect comics! Comics are for kids! (Mallrats,1995)

11 cool Brandi: Suitor number 3, is your kiss like a soft breeze, a firm handshake or a jackhammer?
Gil Hicks: Definitely a jackhammer, I'm in there with some pressure and when I'm done, you're not the same as before. You're changed.
Brodie: Where do you come up with this s**t? That's the cheesiest response to an honest question I have ever heard. I saw you kiss and it wasn't anything like that.
Bob Summers: [Chuckling] Suitor #2, you'll have to wait until you're addressed before you respond.
Brodie: Richard Dawson, why don't you just go back to your podium until it's time to play The Feud. All right?
[Audience laughs]
Gil Hicks: Who the hell did you see me kiss?
Brodie: Some dude backstage. I don't know who he was but he seemed unimpressed.
Gil Hicks: I didn't kiss any guy backstage. I swear. I'm not gay.
Brodie: Hey, Suitorette, this guys a homophobe. You heard how repulsed he sounded. Is this the kind of guy you want to spend a vacation with? This hate-monger?
Gil Hicks: I don't hate gay people.
Brodie: So you love them?
Gil Hicks: Yes. I mean no.
Brodie: Textbook closet case self-loather. Can't be comfortable with his own sexuality. (Mallrats,1995)

119) [At a Dating Game-like game show]
Brandi: Second suitor: if we were making whoopee, what sounds would you make?
Brodie: Wait, what's whoopee?
Brandi: You know, being intimate.
Brodie: What? Like ********? (Mallrats,1995)

120) Brandi: Second suitor, would you ever make whoopie in public?
Brodie: I already did once today.
[clicks his finger at Renee]
Brodie: But my cousin Walter jerked off in public once. True story. He was on a plane to New Mexico when all of the sudden the hydraulics went. The plane started spinning around, going out of control, so he decides it's all over and whips it out and starts beating it right there. So all the other passengers take a cue from him and they start whipping it out and beating like mad. So all the passengers are beating off, plummeting to their certain doom, when all of the sudden, snap! The hydraulics kick back in. The plane rights itself and it land safely and everyone puts their pieces or, whatever, you know, away and deboard. No one mentions the phenomenon to anyone else.
Gil Hicks: Well, did he c**, or what?
Brodie: Jesus Christ, man! There's just some things you don't talk about in public! (Mallrats,1995)

121) Brandi: Suitor Number Three, what would our first date be like?
Gil Hicks: Well, uh, first I'd take you shopping to stores you wanna shop in, and then we'd do a little lunch, probably at the Cheese Haus, followed by some golfing. And then at night, we'd take in an opera, probably Die Fledermaus, and then I'd follow it up with a drive to a secluded beach where I'd pop on the radio and we could slow-dance till the sun came up.
Brodie: That was the biggest load of crap I've ever heard. I mean, look at you. You're the kind of guy who would beg for sex. And I should know, we can smell our own. (Mallrats,1995)

122) Stan Lee: They look happy, don't they?
Brodie: What, the bras? (Mallrats,1995)

123)