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I want to burst out laughing, but it might make my bruised backside feel worse than it already does.
I must have looked quite the fool to Louie, but he didn't show it. I was in the process of showing Sally how best to scale the chestnut tree out front...she'd gotten a good way up, but it was getting quite dark, so I decided to call it an evening. I was climbing down from the lowest fork (always a tricky one, as it's nearly out of my reach and requires scrambling) when Sally, still perched in the fork, hissed "That fancy Gambino limo's coming!"
I turned my head and saw that the limo with blackened windows, the one we'd been kidnapped in, was heading down the road at some speed. In a panic that we'd be captured again, I chanced a drop, which might have worked...had my foot not slipped on a large, protruding root as I landed, making me sit down very hard on the aforementioned root (which felt like a small bolder) before sprawling on the ground, which was rather muddy from a shower earlier. Thank goodness I had leggings on under my short skirt! So it was in this position that I was when Louie Von Helson climbed out of the limo, moving rather gingerly into the dim light, and holding a bouquet of roses. The most humiliating thing was how concerned he was, asking if I was all right (I said I was, gritting my teeth and trying to ignore my aching butt), helping me up, wanting to help me into the house...at which point I asked him what he wanted.
"I have come," he said with a sweeping bow, "to invite you, your aunt, and your protégée to a small dinner party."
"How small?" I asked suspiciously, while Sally, still in the tree, tittered at being called my protégée.
Louie shot a significant glance over his shoulder at the car. "Could we go indoors?" he asked. "I think there's still enough UV bouncing around to make my skin itch." He reached up into the tree and plucked Sally down from the fork, then headed into the house, carrying her on one arm. I was left to follow, marvelling at his strength.
Well, as it turned out, the dinner party would only include Gambino, Cindy, Louie, me, and Sally. Louie made it quite clear that none of the guests, including himself, had much choice...the situation would be much worse if they refused to go. So I headed upstairs to dress for the occasion...and to annoy Gambino.
So...an overly casual pink dress that showed my tattooed arms to good effect...high green boots...very ugly leg warmers despite the heat... I slung my new oversized brown purse (with this diary in it) over my shoulder, and headed out. Then I saw Cindy...oh, she looked so stunning. Yes, better than she had in her tracksuit. She must have raided her closet of undercover outfits, because she was wearing a slinky red and gold dress with a slit all the way up one leg, and she had red beads on her wrist, and gold earrings, and the most lovely little black shoes with gold buckles! Looking at her, I got an idea... "Can I grab something from your closet?" I asked, as Lady Luck, sitting at the head of the stairs, looked at me with what was clearly disapproval at my attire.
Even Louie looked stunned when I strolled elegantly down the stairs, trying not to wince as each step jarred the bruise I knew must be spreading on my butt. I had gotten a black hat with a red feather on it from Cindy's closet, had attached the hairpin and silk daisy to it, and was wearing it over my magical hair...and I had fit my crown from the sea-people over the top of the hat, just to rub in my non-humanness to Gambino! As an afterthought, I'd pinned an old black orchid brooch onto my chest, just to be contrary... Taking the roses from Louie's hands, I swept out the door.
Despite the serious discomfort of the long ride to Durem, I quite enjoyed the dinner party. Louie and Sally did too...we basically sabotaged all of Gambino's plans, including dessert, and, I assume, a night with Cindy. Really, it was Gambino's fault...he shouldn't have started the moment we walked in! Glaring at me, he said, "You need to learn how to dress as a countess, Dawna."
I snorted and ignored him until we had sat down. I was wearing the ring, but I wasn't intending to take any bunk from Gambino about my supposed engagement. But then, just after the pasta was served, he said "I was putting it off until after the Olympics, but now that they are over...and with such an unsatisfactory result...it should bring a lovely amount of attention to our family if I announced my daughter's engagement to Count Louie Von Helson tonight!" He then began to laugh his mad laugh, while the faces of the others at the table turned into a study of expressions. Cindy looked bewildered, Sally gleeful, Louie furious...and I'm sure mine showed a good bit of terror.
Knowing that I had to stop this now, I stood up painfully and banged my spoon on the edge of my plate. When this was ignored by the madman who created me, I sent a silent prayer to Eirmehz and dumped the contents of my untouched wineglass on top of Gambino's linguine. He shut up then, and in the moment before he could start shouting, I yanked off the ring, dropped it onto the pile of wine-soaked pasta, and said "Have your ring back. It's not Louie's, it's my mother's." Gambino opened his mouth to shout, but I shouted "I was never engaged to him! You've been had!" before he could get a sound out.
In the ensuing fury, Gambino's violated entrée was splattered against the wall, and Cindy started bawling, while Sally scrambled under the table and Louie and I beat a retreat to a corner. When the roaring ceased, Gambino shouted at us, "You are engaged as far as I'm concerned! You WILL marry!"
Sally popped up from under the table and said "I'm sure 'ey will some day, guv, just not each other. After all, don't you 'ink what you want is a trifle bit close to incest?" That stumped Gambino for a crucial moment, and Sally went on "Now, I'm the first to admit 'eir not blood relations." She smirked and went on, "But from what I gather, Count Von 'elson's Master Gino's 'alf-brother, and Master Gino's Dawna's 'alf-brother, and 'ey do say 'at two 'alfs make a 'ole. So, 'eir actually brother and sis..."
"No! NO! Idiot child, you haven't a clue what you're talking about!" Gambino roared, but it was too late. I'd caught on to Sally's so-ridiculous-it-could-work plan, and from the look on his face, so had Louie.
Even Gambino has to stop for breath sometimes, and when he did, Louie stepped toward the door and, offering me his hand, said, "Let us leave this place, sister."
"Gladly, brother," I replied, moving toward the door as quickly as my injured posterior would allow. I called over my shoulder, "Sally dear, leave that madman and let's go with our brother!" And then, of course, we ran.
I felt a little guilty for leaving Cindy with Gambino, but I was also gleeful at having spoiled things so spectacularly. Even Louie was laughing like a naughty schoolboy! We were going to slip out through the kitchen, but after one look at the large pot of chocolate sauce on the stove, then another at the chefs milling around, Louie did a very impressive act at being panicked, saying that there had been a bomb threat and that the mansion was being evacuated. Needless to say, the chefs fled, and we quickly set about removing the pot from the stove and devouring the contents, using ladles as eating implements. Sally found a large coffee pudding in the fridge, evidently meant to be eaten with the sauce, so we ate that too. No, I don't know why we were behaving so silly, but it just felt so good to finally thumb our noses at Gambino and his demands...I guess it made us all very childish for a while.
Well, all good things come to an end, and when we heard angry-sounding footsteps approaching, we ran out the side door, leaving the kitchen in disarray. We didn't care. We walked slowly around town, singing nursery rhymes as we walked...people probably thought we were drunk, but we didn't care. Eventually we ended up outside my tower, and I showed it to Louie and Sally, both of whom were suitably impressed. Sally kept gawking at the size of the upper room, and Louie kept muttering about "the possibilities"...and they both loved the view from the roof.
Well, Louie's left now, and Sally and I have decided to stay the night here. The mattresses I left here from last summer are thin and dusty, but it's warm, and we don't really mind the atmosphere of camping. I'm writing this in one of the dingy downstairs flats with power, but I'm going up to sleep now...lying on my front, of course! I wish Lady Luck was here, she'd love indoor-camping with us.