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We're currently living in the 7th generation of consoles, as so Wikipedia says. 7 generations of feuding and inbreeding like the residents of some backwards Louisiana swamp, and this is about the time that really interesting deformities start setting in--So while we're on the subject, let's start with the Wii. Nintendo is the oldest contestant still in the console race, and it seems that they've gotten bored of the same old "Brick-with-buttonpad-attached-with-string" models, and theyve mixed things up with a fancy motion-sensitive system of controls. Of all to do away with the grind of random button-mashing, but somehow replaced it with random stick-waggling. It's almost like weve come full-circle back to the joystick waggling of the C64 era, and now I feel really old. But if the Wii control is supposed to be a universal motion sensor, then why do they keep bringing out attachments to turn the thing into a steering wheel or gun, or guitar, or milking machine or something. Somehow I liked it better when it was asking us to fill in the blanks with the power of imagination, that had a sort-of muppet-babies innocence to it. The Wii's game lineup consisted of the usual Nintendo staples, Zelda, Metroid, Mario, etc. because Nintendo's policy seems to be that if you beat a dead horse vigorously enough, it's incessive jiggling and twitching will give it at least a resemblence of activity, but of all the big sellers, only Zelda was currently out, and the rest of the big games are a cavalcade fo mediocrity. Of overuse, the character, it seems a Nintendo console out on the market without a Mario title is like a fat kid swimming without waterwings. A polar opposite to Nintendo's little white cube is Sony's unoriginally titled black colossus the Playstation 3. A shiny chromed spiderman type-faced "thing" the size of a small car with argueably the most high-tech top-of-the-range hardware. But blinging out the console with such things creates the unspoken obligation towards blinging out the games with top-of-the-range graphics which takes production time, and takes several months, and millions of dollar on the side of uncomfortable, which explains that there are hardly any games out for the bloody giant. Like the Nintendo, the Playstation 3 is selling with the hope of future potential, "PS3, it might be good at some uncertain point in the future" , because of the promise of Metal Gear Solid 4, and Final Fantasy 13, but if Final Fastasy 13 fulfills what the other new Final Fatasy games have fulfills, Im as surprised as anyone, you could probably simulate it as well by listening to the Star Wars while huffing Nitriousoxide while reading an Exell spreadsheet. BUT IT'S OKAY because Sony's marketing horsebox can currently play games AND play Blu-Ray movies, which is apparently some new format, which is apparently better than DVD's, its supposed to have higher definition, but Im not one the say "Oh Army of Darkness is still a glorious celebration of boyish fantasy violence, but if only the resolution was a wee bit bigger, then it would be significantly improved!" Im not a conussiour, but really, there seems to be no difference between Blu-Ray and DVD quality, so Im arguing by saying that it couldnt be the the next big advance, and lets not forget that combining a home gaming system with a home movie system is something that Sony tried to do with the PSP. And failed after realising that nobody wanted to buy "Full Metal Jacket" again just so they could see it in the car or on a plane on a tiny 2-inch screen. While Sony targets High-technology freaks, and Nintendo targets gamers who yet arent old enough to cross the road by themselves, the X-box 360 has its eyes on more of a casual-beer-drinking-frat-boy-demographic, theyve stacked it on with a buttload of big-tough-manly games like Gears of War and Dead Rising, the games with horrible difficulty curves like running head-long into a brick wall. The 360 undoubtedly has teh strongest lineup of games, which at this point, is like beating two amputees at baseball, but because of it's whole lineup of old original Xbox games, the fact is, that it's backwards compatibility is still a big bowl of bullshit and candy. The 360 has the best onlione support, with Xbox live, but the player base can be charitably described as "lively", uncharitably described as a bunch of hooting dickholes, and of course, theres the fact that the 360 hardware has a bad case of the gremlins. The 360 in my houshold is hereby broken, just becasue we had the sheer goal of playing games on it. It seems to recover after a little fiddling, but after that, me and Mark were afraid to use it, with the fear of it's returning to the land of the dead. For a few days, a few breaks, and a few lebonese prostitutes, we finally decided to try playing it. It is now currently at the repair shop, perhaps now I'll have to play Halo 3 on my microwave.
And you say I dont write, Evelyn.
 awesomesexiness2 · Thu Jul 31, 2008 @ 12:42am · 2 Comments |
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