Lately it seems as if my life has been at a stand still. Nothing is going on. I work on the days I work, lay around the house when i dont.

But it seems more than that. All my life I keep hearing all these words of wisdom about finding what it is you want and who you are.

But it seems like nothing has changed.

Through out life we haven't really learned anything about the real world. You go to school for 12 years, for the most part you dont have to worry about working until your older, you dont have to worry about bills, etc. These are the things we expected to do. But yet it seems like there is so much that we never learned.

Some people learn it from parents, some have to live it even when in high school because of difficulties at home. I didnt fit into either of those. I never was really close to my dad, and my mom lived in another state due to divorce. I know that most teenagers dont have that great of a relationship with their parents, but I dont think that me and my dad ever really had a conversation in the last few years. My home life consisted of hanging out in my room, while every one else was in theirs.

And when me and my step-mom tried to talk, it usually ended in an argument.

But now that Im on my own, Im trying to do my own thing, but I dont know what it is I want to do. Ive got a lot of people trying to pull me in different directions, and Im trying to find the one thats best for me, and it just gets so confusing.

I know what I want to do for a living, I want to do computer animation. Ive always been interested in art and computers, and eventually I decided that it would be a good way for me to combine the two. But even then I dont really want a job. I would be perfectly happy if I could just hang out all day and do nothing. But unfortunately I cant do that, because living is getting to expensive.

But even then, how do I get through college? I know that I can just work through it, but thats going to be hell since college is expensive. It doesnt exactly help that my job that I had lined up in Houston just got ********. So now I have to find something else, and I have to find something that will pay good money so that I can save for tuition, but still be able to pay rent.

So I guess it comes down to the fact that I really dont want to live like this. I dont want responsibility. I have never been good at it. I didnt do homework in school, I slack off at work when I get the chance. I just dont want this. I know almost every one feels this way, bu it doesnt help.