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i didnt write these, i dont know where they came from but i thought they were funny so i am sharing them with all of you guys!!

These 2 little boys are sitting in the living room,watching TV with their parents.

The mother looks over at the father with a wink and a nod toward the stairs to the bedroom. The father "gets" the message, and they both get up and head towards the stairs.

The mother turns back to the 2 boys and says, "We're going upstairs for a minute. You two stay here and watch TV. We'll be right back, OK?"

The two boys nod OK, and the parents take off upstairs.

The oldest of the 2 boys is old enough to know what's going on now,and he gets up and tiptoes upstairs.

At the top of the stairs, he peeks into his mom and dad's room and shakes his head.

Back downstairs he goes, back to his little brother. "Come with me," he says, and the 2 little boys tiptoe up the stairs.

Halfway up, the older brother turns to the younger brother and says, "Now I want you to keep in mind, this is the same woman who used to bust our a** for sucking our thumb!!!

One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. As they are about to kiss each other goodnight the guys starts feeling a little horny. He leans over, putting his hand on the wall and smiling says, "Honey, would you give me a blow job?"
Horrified, she replies, "Are you mad? My parents will see us."
"Oh come on, there's nobody around, they're all sleeping," he says.
"No way. It's just to risky," she replies.
"Oh please, please, I love you so much," he says.
"No, no, no. I love you too, but I just can't," she replies.
"Oh yes you can, please," he says
"No, no, I just can't," she replies.
"I'm begging you," he says.
Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on and the girl's sister shows up in her pajamas, hair a mess, and in a sleepy voice she says, "Dad says to go ahead and give him a blow job, or I can do it."
"Or if need be, he says our mother can come downstairs and do it, But for God's sake take your hand off the intercom."


A little boy came down for breakfast one morning and asked his grandma, "Where's Mom and Dad?" and she replied, "they're up in bed."

The little boy started to giggle and ate his breakfast and went out to play. Then he came back in for lunch and asked his grandma "Where's Mom and Dad?" and she replied "They're still up in bed."

Again, the little boy started to giggle and he ate his lunch and went out to play. Then the little boy came in for dinner and once again he asked his grandma "Where's Mom and Dad?" and his grandmother replied "They're still up in bed."

The little boy started to laugh and his grandmother asked, "What gives? Every time I tell you they're still up in bed you start to laugh! What is going on here?" The little boy replied, "Well, last night, Daddy came into my bedroom and asked me for the Vaseline and I gave him super glue."

Little Jonny loved playing games with his friends. One day Jonny runs as fast as he can inside to his mom, and asks "Mommy, Moomy can little girls get pregant?" His mom responded "No little girls can not get pregant." Little Jonny says "Now are you sure thet little hirls can't get pregant?" His Mommy again replies "No Jonny little girls CAN NOT get pregant." So after being told this little Jonny runs back outside, and His mom hears him yell to His friends, "Hey we can play that GAME again."

Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?'

Little Johnny waves his hand, 'Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!'

Miss Rogers:'All right, little Johnny, what is your multi-syllable word?'

Little Johnny says, 'Mas-tur-bate.'

Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful.'

Little Johnny says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a b*****b".


Little Johnny watched his Daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, Johnny followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace. Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could not contain himself, he ran home and started to tell his mother.
"Mommy I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane . . . ."
At this point Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny this is such an interesting story suppose you save the rest of it for supper time.I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight".
At the dinner table Mommy asked little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny started his story, "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Army".
Moral: Sometimes you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt.


A guy dials his home phone from work. A strange woman answers.
The guy says, "Who is this?"
"This is the maid.", answered the woman.
"We don't have a maid!"
"I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house."
"Well, this is her husband. Is she there?"
"Ummm .... she's upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just figured was her husband."
The guy is fuming. He says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?"
"What do I have to do?"
"I want you to get my gun from my desk in the den and shoot that witch and the jerk she is with." The maid puts down the phone. The guy hears footsteps, followed by two gunshots.
The maid comes back to the phone. "What should I do with the bodies?"
"Throw them in the swimming pool!"
"What?! There's no pool here?"
Long pause... "Uh .... is this 221-1811?"