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Is it possible to be afraid of someone close? I hoep so. I'm so scared of roy. I...I don't know why. I'm scared to death. I am afraid of losing my best friend. I'm afraid of him hurting me, like he's doing now. Its terrible. i mean I cried in my other best friends arms. Heck, Jason told me he would protect me forever. I love him. He always knows what to say, but I can't stop the tears. I can't stop the fears. I mean. I am no good for him. I got his girlfriend mad at him once. Heh, I'm not doing him any good. I can't stop the pain either. I mean. I'd do anything for his happiness, but I think its time to leave Roy to his own. I'm not helping him any ways possible. He doesn't understand and I don't want him to anymore. I... I just can't do good for him. He loves his girlfriend to death and I am happy for him, but I feel as if I'm making things worse. I mean I cry because I only want his happiness. I'm back at the point a. I'm on the verge to block him, so I won't have to hurt him. So I won't have the fear of him hurting me. I can't stand it. I'm hurting a lot. I want to be able to sit and say good things, but with my heart and mind sinking and my hands shaking, I have to slowly let go. He has a wonderful girlfriend and needs her more than a best friend. I'm afraid. I'm scared and no one really sems to care. I wish I was fully healed. But I can't stop it. My heart has been broken for too long and now that I'm slowly beginning to heal, I realize I have to let certian people go. I can't be friends with people that I will hurt or will hurt me. Ask Jason. Its hard to let him go, but I'm keeping him ever so close. Only because he's protecting me and comforting me. I need that right now. I can't take it anymore. How can I keep going on like this? I'm crying so hard. I love you Tyler. ((That was random)) But Roy... I ... I don't want your life ruined. Sorry.

See ya,
Chris