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Me?

Been feeling completely bipolar for the last two days, as many of you had probably noticed. I guess I thought I would never see him again, so for him to show up out of the blue made me insane. It was even slightly worse than when Shelby left, because I got absolutely zero closure.

At least, that's what I think, anyway.

Randi's phone call was met with utter disbelief, and I sat in the car fuming that she would ever make a joke like that. I was going to scream at her (sorry, Randi).

The football game was a no-go because I only ended up punching him in the stomach when I saw his face and then internally sob that I didn't say anything.

I kept going from FREAKING INSANE WITH LOATHING to poor, pitiful me crying to DAMN, WHY AM I SO STUPID? IF I KEEP BEING MEAN TO HIM HE'S GOING TO HATE ME! every few seconds.

When I went home, without seeing him to say goodbye, I felt like... like someone had scooped out all of my blood and guts and then sketchily sewn me back up. Completely hollow.

And I had no idea he was going to the dance, because he never went to a single one last year. Again, I was surprised.

And again, I couldn't say a single thing. He looked so bored. He dropped the smile as soon as the current person he was talking to left.

The end of the dance. Feeling shitty again because I couldn't find Ry-Ry to say goodbye. AGAIN. So I got my bag, waiting in the line like I did a year ago when Julian gave me that balloon and I bit through it (it's funny how those memories pop up).

Met up with Jenny in the lobby, said goodbye to y'all, and then..

You wouldn't believe it. He was standing outside with some people.

Jenny and I walk by and I give him a death-glare at which he scrambles away to hide behind somebody. I get to a little past the last stone bench, heading for the parking lot, and know I'm going to regret this for the rest of my life. So I told Jenny, "Just a sec."

And I walked back and stood there. He looked at me and I frowned. He said, "You want a hug?" and I held out my arms so he hugged me and then I left while Micaela started crooning about how Ry-Ry gave such a genuine hug.

So to anyone who wanted anything to happen, you did not work completely in vain. Sorry it didn't work out the way you planned, though. smile