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Hey all, for the past couple days I haven't been doing so well. Logan is being great, nice....and everything I love him for. *sighs* I wish his new girlfriend would hurry up and get herself to go into a coma. But, that's mean.....and I'm trying not to be mean. I can't believe myself, that I actually forgave him. There are times when I just go "that ******** b*****d" and want to chew him out. But really, I know it's all because of me. And it's my fault he was driven away. I make him miserable, even though he wont admit it to me. And I have a sneeking suspicion he's lying to me....that he wants to be with me when I go to college down there. Hell, he'll probably be married by then. Forgetting all about me. I'm afraid of that you see. I want a chance with him irl, the problem is, I don't live in Arizona. I wish I did. It's so depressing up here, dark, gloomy, everyone's bitching at me for SOMETHING. But like I said, I'll probably get all my s**t together, have the grades and test scores that I'm working so hard for just to get down there...and he'll be taken, want nothing to do with me. It makes my heart sick just to think about it. I don't hate him, Josh, or his stupid girlfriend....she just irks me because she's stupid.....and I hate stupid people...what is it with him and semi-blondes anyway? Grrr...I wish I didn't feel this way...it's so painful to see someone you lost because of your own stupidity in the arms of another. Yes, I feel stupid, and you know why? because I am. I tried to change, but apprently I'm so unintelligent that I can't even fix the way I talk to people....I'm really not a bad person. I just wish I had someone, anyone now.....well, not just anyone. He can make me smile no matter what...he's always there for me, even now. After all of our fights, after everything we've been through for eachother, without eachother, he's there. And that my friends, is love. Though I highly doubt he feels it at all anymore. I wish he'd see the change in me....but now ladies and gentleman...I'm too far away. Lovely excuse. I know I can take anything now. This has made me stronger. And I know that if I can't be with him, it'd break my heart, but someday I hope to find someone like him...because he and I just fit....perfect, everything was perfect like a glove on a hand. Especially when we were together for those few precious days. I want to be complete again. Until then, a little piece of me is missing, because it's in Arizona with him, and always will be.