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dang haven't been on here for a while. lets see where to start. well first off. i had a horrible week but don't really want to talk about it right now. i found my long lost brother and meet him for the first time. he seems like a good guy. i like him. i prey that he's nothing like my dad. i got a letter from my dad last week. me and my brother ripped it up. hey he deserves it. he shouldn't of been such a jerk. anyway i don't feel like being mad and sad so i'm just gonna stick to being sad. i pulled some muscle. i tell you it's really not worth it. i know you are probally saying i say i don't care to much but i really don't care about somethings because if i do then i find my self hoping i won't fail or hoping i'll be good enough. anyway to the ones i love. i miss you. please if you read this don't cry. cause i'm already crying and it's just not worth it. so i'm listening to the radio and i'm listening to it's your love. to bree if you are reading this you know what that song means. to all you people that support me with me trying to get my dream i thank you. i really am trying. i am a private first class right now so i'm getting there. i am learning how to fold the american flag right now. i'm still conflicted with my heart but what can i say. i will always probally be conflicted about it. i just like saying the word conflicted today. i don't know i think that going to be my word of the day. what am i talking about i don't have a word of the day any other time. or do i. i'm not sure. for everyone that reads these i thank you. i know i ramble on sometimes and i'm sorry i just get bored. like right now i think i'm rambling but i'm not sure. oh well if i am. so i'm listening to my little girl. it's a very interesting song. it's kind sad though. i should really be doing my project. oh well it's not going to hurt me to put it off one more day. i'm happy i have someone that loves me for me. but i am sorry that you don't know somethings about me but somethings i just can't tell you unless you promise not to laugh or yell or get upset by what i say to you. i have some really dark secrets that i never told anyone. maybe one day if you ask me nicly or promise me that you won't look at me any different i will tell you. how long is this. i don't know. oh and bree try not to break a ruler while we are talking. i felt really bad for that ruler. i wonder if i could write a poem right now. i don't i usually write when i'm sad. i should try. okay here it is

love is a gift
and you have to treat it. with respect. you are only gonna get one true love in your life. see i can't even make a poem. oh well let me finish saying what it was i was saying. anyway to me it's hard to find love but when i find it i don't want to let it go. my first heart break still aches me inside but as i went on in life people have done there best trying to repair it but at the end just hurt it more. so i'm starting to think it's something i am going to have to fix by myself. that's what i'm gonna do. but i promise i'm not gonna shut people out. i will talk about it willingly. so what's everyone's opionin on love. i know mine is that it's hard. but if it was supposst to be easy then what the hell is the point of it. there is nothing in the world that is easy because if it is then it's not worth doing. see now i know i'm rambling. so to me, i have hard my heart crushed by my first love. i let that person have my heart and not only did they crush me but my best friend did to. every since that day i try to keep people from the real me. i'm really a nice person, i just act mean to keep from getting hurt all over again.