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I'm confused. Although, I don't know which kind of confused it is. I don't know whether to feel happy or sad. I know for a fact that I've been sad long enough. I should start living life the way I want to. I should start going out to places more often, and hanging out with people. I should start changing as that was one of my goals. But, what do I make of it now? I'm not quite sure.

Well for one, I do feel happier due to the fact that I'm much more content and free-spirited than I was a few days ago. For, that was awful. I might as well go to school tomorrow, see how things go. Not be afraid to ASK FOR MY WORK. Not be afraid to talk to people and start new. New year, as this jumps back to one of my other journal entries. With the new year, a new person, I've become. So, after school, I shall come home and do my homework and NOT COMPLAIN ABOUT THE WORK. For, I've missed school for three whole days. As much as one promises self not to miss school and that it will be hard to catch up, I guess these things are just meant to happen any way.

Whether it be for the good or bad, these things happen and its best to just go on with them. They've happened, no? Well, let them be and deal with it. I mean, I don't understand what the point of dwelling over the past will do. It won't bring any good into ones life unless it was a specific person who brought happiness and a smile upon ones face. Although, I don't know anymore.

Maybe, I missed school for a reason. And maybe I will have to sit through those long boring hours doing homework, afterschool. But, why complain? What good will complaining do? What good will regretting those days do? I didn't go to school, I missed some work, it isn't the end of the world. My problem seems to be the fact that I have many regrets and fears of school. It's high school. It's buildings, put together. It's nothing to be afraid of. I don't think so, anyway. I mean, I should just stop and take a breather. I should be able to go to bed and close my eyes. I should be able to think of happy thoughts and know that I've been able to keep the ones that mean the world to me.

I should stop being the depressed girl from middle school. Those days are far over. And there is no point in being the same person because these people who surround me now aren't the same people. Some might be, but what do those remember of the old me? They aren't sharing to others how I used to be. And yes, new idiots will make their ways into my life, but would that really matter if I've got a closer bond with many who keep me happy? No, it wouldn't matter. It SHOULDN'T matter because this is how life works.

Life has its crappy moments, along with those you may cherish for days, months, years. As long as you wish. Why stop living because somebody laughed at you, or because somebody put you down? Because somebody made you sad? Why SHOULD they make you sad? They shouldn't, because they're idiots. An idiot puts one down to make themselves look as if they're overpowering the person they call the "weakling".

I'm no weakling. Not anymore. I've lived through those days, as well as everyone else who has lived through the ages I have. They've overcome it as one of their goals. One of my goals was to be a happier person, no? Well, by the end of THIS year, I will have surpassed many other events in my life. Who knows where that will leave me? Or what it will leave me with? Well, for now, I'd rather not predict my future in a few years. Rather than what I want to accomplish in my life, which includes high school, college or beauty school maybe, music, make something of myself.

Actually, it isn't exactly "making something of myself". Its the fact that I am a talented person who is capable of doing anything she sets her mind to. Therefore, I shouldn't try so hard but try enough. Just enough to get myself "out there" and do what I do best. Show the world what I've got. What most people lack. Be able to live and be as happy as I want to be.

Many people would be fooled into thinking I MAKE myself depressed. I WANT to be depressed. No dearies, no. I do not want to be depressed. Wait until I prove all of you wrong. Lets see where that leaves you, people who pointed and laughed. Lets see where that leaves you, people who get into drugs. Lets see where that leaves you, people who put me down. Lets see. I know you won't be getting anywhere near a higher level than I. So, lets see.