dear amy,
with or without you,
you will always make my heart soar,
like sunshine across the skies.
--
juggalo hip hop. <3
ahaha ******** up shittt.
i'm so proud of it.
i have not stopped smiling.
lmfaooo, ******** my life. (:
--
...LOOOOL.
you know, i love abk,
but pretty much all juggalo fans are extremely ********' angsty.
like a ********.
holy s**t.
hahahahaha.
--
today was a good day. (:
i don't see why you can't just smile at me, even the smallest bit.
the new girl is really attractive,
and me and shanice just looked at each other and we knew exactly what we were thinking.
hahahaha i love that class. (:
--
i like marshall a LOT less now. loooooooooooooool.
i feel kinda bad, because i'm gettin' closer to everyone in fifth period,
but mrs. raymond had to tell me to be quiet like, too many times. s:
and if there's anyone i need to impress it's her haha.
aw, i'm sorry. :c
i'll keep myself in check from now on.
but god, they all swamped me man.
like, first it was shanice, then leaf, and jordan and candace came up to me, and then katie, amy, madi, and ian came up to me, and then leaf asked me something again,
and then bertha asks me stuff sometimes, and then shanice came to give me back my report card, and just, hahaha.
and everything was hilarious, so the laughter is like oxygen to the fire.
it was like a bobblehead.
aw, my poor dorian!!
</3 times a billion.
i went to her house just now, and cheered her up. c:
shanice keeps on telling me things that got me questioning dorian and candace.
like, she thinks we're going to go out, again?
she has her boy and i have jess, lmfao.
if we were both single, though-
LOOOOOOOOL kylea's remark at my love history. c:
i feel flattered.
i feel really shitty about how much my ego goes up when i feel happy.
and i've been so ********' high/happy lately.
i don't let that s**t express itself, but it's not a good mindset/feeling.
like, i'm actually scared that zack will get the highest grades now.
idk.
he's a great and genius guy.
blah. :/
..and, other things i'm too ashamed of to post. (:
--
i know considering the facts, you'd think that way.
but you don't know. i don't know.
maybe i will end up with you.
maybe i'll have to end this.
just stay with me. don't let go.
i love the way me and leaf talk lmfaoo. (:
i think he's the only one other than jess that actually REALLY gets my humor hahaha. (:
--
leaf doesn't even know s**t about me.
i mean, he knows i'm gay, how i am with chicks, my tastes, my surface personality,
but when it comes to what's goin' down, it's always him talking hahaha.
and, he doesn't know my heart, my thoughts, my dreams;
the depth of me.
and i've known him for like, three years.
but, that's just the type of friend he is.
and i love him anyway. (:
--
i'm on the phone with dorian.
let's just say, biggrin DD S:
--
i feel like crying at everything lately, lmfao.
but i don't even feel miserable or anything.
i blame hormones.
and some of the situations that's been going around too i guess, but i wouldn't react this way if it weren't for.. my body? yeah. you know.
but, i've been so happy lately.
things have been great.
what the hell? :c
every teenager should read "give a boy a gun." even if it's just the first three pages, which could be read in five minutes. it's just so real. you've got to know that this is real, and that it's happening.
everywhere.
i'm tired of you ******** blaming me for that ******** s**t.
god, give me a ******** break.
i hope kayla likes you, because i honestly think you've been annoying. i almost want to believe you're trying to make an impression. are you? because you're never like this.
but, idgas about that, much. it's the ******** blaming me. in front of the whole class. it was a ******** accident.
god, i'm sorry. you know i felt like crying after hearing you scream?
i'm ******** sorry.
but god, i didn't even know.
:/
and, i can't believe you ******** degraded AMY over the ******** cigarettes? LOL. seriously, shanice? seriously? why don't you think about skye for a moment, and then say that again.
i love you, shanice.
the book inspires me to write a will, or some kind of like, death note. but not in the sad way. i just want to write something, just in case,
so if i ever get killed, kidnapped, or whatever,
then everyone will know what they need to. i'll leave with nothing unfinished.
and, it's all good thoughts.
i mean, one of the first things i want to say is about my parents.
i want them to know that they raised a girl that felt beautiful, lived such a miraculous life, and soaked up growth and learning like a sponge. i loved people. i loved myself.
and, i loved them.
i would want to say something about each and everyone.
maybe i'll start to write it now.
if you know me even just the littlest bit, you'd know who'd be in there.
i just realized, the part about crying,
i said that last week.
maybe there's something wrong with my body.
yeah.
i don't know, dorian.
i don't ******** know.
--
i love the tests we're getting to take.
i've taken an official personality and intelligence test.
pretty bomb. (:
and we got the asvab tests back, and my score is beast.
i still feel it's amazingly ignorant to put mechanics and car parts s**t on there,
i mean, if i'm taking this test, do i look like i want to be a blue-collar employee?
seriously.
but the point is, i got a great score, so idfc.
leaf's been frustrating lately.
is it just me, or every second semester he gets like, really ******** annoying?
he's all, "oh my god rachelle, you don't know what fiscal means?"
or, "OH MY GOD, I DID BETTER THAN YOU ON THE ASVAB."
flicks the teacher off in class?
i mean, really?
and you make, what, 1.4 gpa?
i don't care if you're a genius on an intelligence scale leaf,
a guy could have a lower intelligence than you, but if he's tried all his life and made the best of himself,
then hell, you're not the genius there.
your ignorance of trying pretty much negates everything else.
idk.
you used to be fun, leaf.
now you're just cockiness.
i'm not even going to bother putting what happened into words.
"i like my good, clean fun."
that's kind of stuck with me.
let me just say, i'm one person. i've lived my own life. i have a limited insight into others' lives. i don't know what's best for you, or for anyone.
but i do believe, with all knowingness of how narrow this may be,
that you are naive.
i don't even know how to explain it.
it's like explaining love to a robot.
--
idfk if i'm going to make the tennis team, dls.
but, after a lot of research, i am enlightened:
1. the junior varsity sucks.
2. a good part of the varsity team isn't -great-.
3. fitness and basic skills is the biggest element.
4. if i don't make it this year, i'm just really glad that i'm trying. and besides, if all the training i've been doing isn't up to stuff now, it will be by next year.
5. try-outs are easy, and is mainly focused on a two-mile run.
huzzah! c:
--
"colleges aren't looking for you to be in, oh, twelve clubs. pick 2 or 3, and be outstanding in them."
i love dr. myrick.
if he had a class, i'd take it, even if it was ********' chemistry or something.
he's such a great guy and speaker.
he could make anything interesting lmfao.
i had a meeting with him to ask how i to make it into uf.
he said i had a good chance. (:
he told me that i should aim for positions in nhs, varsity, get a 3.8-4.3 gpa.
ah, i'm excited. (:
things are going well.
it's a little sucky though, because i'm mad pressured to make the uf.
my brother got into it, we're always visiting uf to visit him, and my parents are all, "it will make us so proud if you got superior senior too. try to make it into uf too!"
blah blah blah, basically, if i don't follow andrew's footsteps, they'll be disappointed.
oh well, that's what you get for growing in a family with asian values.
at least i am where i am because of it.
--
i'm kind of torn between listening to professional advice, advice from becca, and advice from kylea.
--
aw.
you've been calling me?
we're hanging out on monday, and almost went to the evergreen concert?
..we talked for four hours? xD
um, is this really dorian? LOL.
this is because you don't have marissa anymore, right?
meh.
what really enlightens me is the fact that you have trouble getting close to girls. so.
shanice thinks we're gonna go out, lmfaooo.
i'd like that, but then not, because we'd never last.
i'd be too much for you.
maybe if we actually fell for each other. which i doubt.
i wanna go, "hey gorgeous," to you more often.
i think it's so cute, lmfao. (:
--
D:
what is this feeling?
you make me incredibly happy.
the only thing that pretty much does these days.
you, or shanice.
yeah.
--
it's really sad how i really wanted to believe we'd always be great friends and talk.
i'm just glad that, for my side anyway, we just grew apart because we live miles away.
i won't be able to see you because i'm grounded!
or anyone even.
i feel pretty damn progressive that i've been practicing tennis and going to the gym, running for thirty and doing the weights for ten.
i might even make the team. (:
that'll be a great thing for my life.
--
today was boss, lmfaooo. (:
i'm so happy.
yo, i definitely am starting to have feelings for you.
AGAIN, I KNOW.
LOOOOOOOOOL.
and just, idek, we talked last night, and you showed this different side of you.
you were real for once, tai.
you're different this year.
and you were so gentle in helping me out.
and you even checked this morning if i was okay.
normally i would say, all this is happening because you know how to play a girl.
which is truee, lmfaaao.
but.
but, no,
no man.
this is real.
this is the real you.
you've earned my trust.
i suppose it's a good thing that you're in my first period,
which i actually hated in the beginning, baha. (:
i'm so glad that like.. all the new kids in first are kids that talk to me.
i talked to ********' no one before, bahaha.
i KNOW you know that was me, son.
i know you do.
if you don't, then you some fool, ahahaha.
AHHHH, so she likes jessica.
i'm not surprisedd.
but i'm a little worried. :c
i almost want to return to my old player side and just like, start being direct with my feelings with you, and hitting/making moves on you,
but no.
no, 'cause that part of me is over.
silly freshman i was. (:
and, that's what ended it in the first place, right?
--
i love how we're befriending the new kid, bahaha.
she hung with us during fifth.
shanice and kim says she's gonna be corrupted.
and this group is including candice and jordan, lmfao.
i wouldn't be surprised.
--
hold me.
kiss me.
make me feel safe as you always do.
god, you're beautiful.
i think i'm falling for you.
after all this time.
--
there's not a huge line between the metalcore musical genre and the metal genre, but there is a difference.
and eighteen visions is not metalcore.
--
if you really joked about what i just told you, then i guess you don't understand.
and you never will.
i hope it's kelsy just taking your phone.
if this is going to work, i need this to be more than just fun and games.
i need beauty.
i know you have it.
i feel it, all the time.
--
i need you to be pensive.
...yeah.
yeah, i do need something in my girl.
i need someone who i can bounce off walls with, but at the same time, just lay in a room together and say nothing, but have it mean everything, just being in each other's company.
i don't know if that's you.
don't let me down.
--
i kick myself when i don't do my best.
i'm frustrated with my 3.9 gpa.
i hate that i can't run the ******** 2 mile requirement fast enough.
i'm pissed that my leg starts burning when i run, and it's so hard to push myself.
i can't believe i slacked off last week because of ******** girls.
--
none of my previous partners reached my standards.
mistakes i've made haunt me.
i always need to excel.
--
i miss you.
where are you?
call me back, soon, because with the way you are, i'm afraid you'll get yourself shot, or killed. or arrested...
--
i've never believed in suicide. i've never wanted to attempt it.
all i've felt were the occasional, "let me die/disappear," ideas, only so i wouldn't have to deal with something, for just a moment.
doesn't everyone reach that point?
i'd never end my life. i have things worth too much, and have so much more to do
--
I texted "I miss you", but then deleted it to "I miss talking to you."
Considering how you are, you might've taken it as "I miss being your girlfriend",
which is only a little true.
--
ohhh, ********.
i used "miss" and "you" in the same sentence.
--
i want to take this slow. i want you to peel away at my layers and find the real me. i want to see the real you.
i don't want lust to ruin it all.
i've had too much of that.
--
want to ask you if you've seen the new warped tour lineup,
and if you've found that we're gonna have to go to orlando.
well;
not you and me, but you will, and i will.
who're you carpooling with?
i probably am with dorian, shanice, and jess.
i want to ask a lot of things.
would you want to find me, for old time's sake?
--well.
i lost that privilege, haven't i?
--
she's so beautiful, dls.
i don't know why i haven't seen it before.
maybe she's changed in the past months.
maybe i opened my eyes.
but god, she is.
and she's mine.
i want you.
i want all of you.
i can't wait until i'm free from being grounded.
i'll get to chill with everyone again,
especially spend time with you.
;
i love the gay community.
i'm so glad to be gay.
--
i wanted to buy a laptop,
a CHI,
and some more accessories & apparel.
i had the money for it.
and then i had it taken away from me.
well, it's all deserving.
..everything's deserving. each terrible thing. this is punishment. this is karma for all i did last year.
and not even with friends or lovers, but with my family.
i've got this positive mentality about it, though.
this will all be for the better.
and when the six months pass,
things will be in the clear. things will be great.
not to say things aren't great right now. things are amazing. i'm happy.
but there are specific things and feelings that i'd really love to stop dealing with. they've grown into hauntings.
;
maybe i'd choose to never see you again.
wanna know what i told dorian?
--
ksdgksdg.
i almost went into that darkness too deep.
forget it.
;
your phone rang.
i guess you have a new phone?
call me!):
i want my best friend to give me some happy.
--
my dad really has given me the cold shoulder.
what a d**k.
--
my brother did everything perfect.
he laid out the standard.
he never fought with my parents.
he made the 4.7, 4.8 gpa, in AP and honors classes.
he made the superior senior, or whatever,
most likely to succeed, with that little section in the yearbook about him,
he always did the chores, and a little bit extra.
he kept to himself.
i'm not envious.
i'm so proud of my brother, and it's hard not to love him.
but it's made me the black sheep in the family.
i'm looked down on.
i'm the shadow.
i've had a pretty ********' successful life;
i only fall a little short of my brother.
it's just not enough for my parents.
i'm the one that fights.
i'm the liberal one.
i'm the lesbian.
i'm the one who isn't a radical catholic.
i'm the one that lives messy.
i'm the one who'd rather be with friends.
i stick out.
hell, i smoke and drink.
i have this westernized mentality about life, while my parents have this traditional sort of asian outlook.
but really, i love myself.
i love my life.
i just wish they did, too.
i wish they were proud of me.
i wish they'd stop pushing.
instead,
i have to be,
just like him.
ugh.
i feel like crying./:
--
i don't want to hate her.
--
i'm so, so glad you're in one of my classes.
i can talk to you.
i can pass notes to you.
i can hug you.
i can kiss you.
i can text you, and watch you open your phone and text me back.
i can giggle when you make faces at me.
i can just watch you, and notice your beauty and little quirks.
i can feel safe with you being in the same room as me.
i can feel those butterflies,
all the time.
god.
you make me feel so.
--
when i'm older;
i'll own an upper-class home in an upper-class neighborhood.
i'll drive a minicooper.
i won't have a job, i'll have a calling.
i'll be fit.
i'll have the money to buy what i want.
i'll be envied.
but most of all, when i'm older,
i want to have my girl sleep next to me and hold me, every night.
i want to have that life-long security and passion.
i just want to be hers.
i just want her to be mine, forever.
that's what i want most.
i can throw away the money,
and live fulfillingly when i can go to sleep having her.
that's what it comes down to.
--
all i want.
;
it's 11:00, and you haven't called.
i wonder if something drastic happened.
i heard banging in the background,
and you were freaking out,
and you said you'd call me back and hung up.
a couple hours later i texted you saying i missed you,
and i know, knowing you, you would have responded to at least that if you were busy.
bah.):
--
uh,
whoops.
i didn't mean it like that.
;
you're a little clingy.
you want a lot of love.
you give a lot of love.
you want to talk every night.
it gets a little too much.
but i'd rather have that,
than someone who's the opposite.
--
it
feels
like
a
gun
always
pointed
at
me.
i ******** hate the ******** way you made me.
that's ******** it.
--
maybe i've become a little distant too.
maybe i've become a little like you.
--
to have six terrible days and one heavenly day,
or a mediocre seven?
--
i do NOT want to have to get braces again.
******** that.
no./:
i better get a new retainer, soon.
god, that'd be worse than the punishment of groundation & -$300.00.
--
wow, that went a totally different direction.
/snort.
--
******** my bmi lmfaoo,
because i'm only one point over(:,
and i have mad calf muscles from skateboarding/running.
so in reality, i'd have a relatively lower fat proportion.
;
ALL he does is ********' complain, ahahaha.
dude, get the ******** out of higher level classes then man.
where do you come from?
;
you make me so happy.(:
don't let me down.
--
i LOVE how i'm taking you to senior prom.(:
it's so fitting.
bahaha, i love you.(:
--
it
takes
years.
not months, or weeks.
a lower form can develop in that time.
but that unconditional, genuine passion?
no.
;
i thought i saw you today.
i freaked the ******** ******** out.
--
******** AW.
--
i just want them to understand.
each and every year, that's all i wanted.
judge every other girl, but see deeper into her and me.
i wanted becca to.
i wanted shanice to.
i wanted dorian to.
i wanted dana and haley to.
it's just such a sensitive thing.
and it's one of the most definitive elements of my life so far.
and so, when you degraded it last night,
it kind of pissed me off.
because you don't understand.
i understand that you don't understand, because you weren't there from the beginning.
in that topic, you're so naive, believing that all relationships need is love.
no.
anyone that's been in a long-term relationship, who's experienced, would know that.
relationships and people are so much more fluid and intricate than requiring one thing.
no, no, no.
--
so far,
of everything, she was the miracle and tragedy.
for three years.
the one thing i grew most from.
the one thing i felt the most,
the one thing that'll never leave me heart or mind.
the most real thing i've experienced.
;
"how ridiculous were we,
when you were there for me?"(:
--
in retrospect,
all i see of my life is love, laughter, beauty, and achievements.
summers staying past curfew and getting high,
driving into the sunset,
falling in love.
it's been a great journey.
i'm ready for so much more.
i'm ready to grow,
i'm ready to learn,
i'm ready to live.
i've been ready.
--
i'm not a queen.
i'm the ******** king.
;
you texted me back, asking if i was awake.
i texted you back a couple hours later, and i guess you're busy.
i'm glad you're alive.(:
you had me worried.
--
you want new friends that aren't bad influences.
i want friends that don't worry me with their dangerous lifestyles.
;
"so now you want me to fix everything?
but baby there's so mjuch and so litle time.
you say that you don't miss me,
i think about you everyday."
;
i love the feeling of not letting go,
but moving on.
it's the most secure and beautiful mentality.
i won't forget.
i'll always care.
i'll always love.
and you know,
i was so proud to have had it, back in december.
then we got into it again, and i got ahead of myself, and i hurt myself.
i lost that pride, that direction, that independence.
now, everything is in check.
i'm alright.
i'm okay.
--
i love psychology class for over thirty reasons.
i think i'll list them all.
amongst them is the happiness topic;
- people are predispositioned to a "happiness set point." some people, because of their genes, will have to overcome more to be happy. others will find happiness more naturally.
- the habit of the happiest people often laugh.
- the habit of the happiest people often smile.
i have,
pretty much all of that.(:
i'm pretty relatively safe from sadness, dls.(:
--
i listen to the saddest and happiest music;
deathcore and grindcore is full of such corrupt and angtsy lyrics, lmfaoo,
and electronica is just so light and heartwarming.(:
it's an odd mixture.
--
"i can't leave 'til youre happy. i can stay awake. these cold nights are eating me alive. can you keep me warm?
hold your breath and take your time, because i can walk you through this again. sing your heart out like you're by yourself. i won't laugh this time.
it's taken so much for me to get to this point again. oh, i've been trying so hard. i can't believe you would hate me for making this work. but i'll forgive you this time.
let's drive forever. please don't let go of my sleeve, because i'd rather you here than ever being without me.
the lights are bright, but we'll get home."
hold your breath, and take your time.
--
nobody wanna see us together, but it don't matter, 'cause I got you babe.
hurr, every akon cover is so much better.(:
--
i dearly hope you never listen to this song,
or find anything like it.
--
by this time in the previous years, plenty of metalcore bands were already established on the warped tour lineup.
august burns red, greeley estates, every time i die, as i lay dying.
this year,
eh./:
you can tell it's going to be dominated by powerpop bandsjdgdgsgkl. ; ;
which isn't bad for everyone; a significant number of american youth love it.
i'm just concerned warped tour is going soft.
gah!D:
don't let me down, kevin lyman.(:
on an optimistic note, i do congratulate;
3OH!3, a skylit drive, alexisonfire, brokencyde, chiodos, dance gavin dance, gallows, lights, saosin, shad, nevershoutnever!, P.O.S., silverstein, the devil wears prada, underoath, a rocket to the moon.
that's mostly non-hardcore s**t, but i can't complain.
--
are you ******** serious?
breathe electric is having a show in ******** gurnee mills?
oh my god, that's my ******** hometown.
holy ******** s**t.
that's mad.
--
...LOOOOOL.
WE HAVE A COUNTRY BAND ON THE WARPED TOUR LIST?
--
oh, c**t.
i was like, " biggrin DD" at seeing "jacksonville beach, florida..." under the shows list,
but as i lay dying and the human abstract are coming on a wednesday.
:c
more to come, rachelle.
--
fools by nature.
we are fools by nature.
--
i don't want to fix things because i'm afraid of confronting my mistake,
your reprimand,
and my shame.
--
you want to call me, but not text me?
i'd rather text and not call.):
come on, i wanna talk!
i'm just totally busy.
i miss you.
--
NO, 'CAUSE THAT WOULD BE A LIE.
LOL.
i think greg would totally understand how i feel right now.
dsglikdsgliksfjhljflh.
--
turn up the ******** music.
play that ******** breakdown and throw me in a ******** mosh pit.
ugh,
******** ********.//:
suck my c**k.(:
--
AUGUST BURNS RED'S BREAKDOWN IN "BACK BURNER" FROM 0:20 - 0:51.
******** satisfaction.<3
--
andandand.
from 3:13 - 3:50 in "composure".
holyy shitt.(:
--
deathcore is ******** brutal.
LOOOOOOL.
--
my subjective well-being right now,
is 100% happiness.
genuinely.
--
she said something about having direction now, it's gonna change, it'll get so much better from here, done with the mistakes, hurting people, blah blah blah, we have control-Ma
bah, i want to write it because it means so much to me, but it's so much, and my head's overwhelmed.
but in the greatest way.
;
let me help you, shanice. let me tell you everything will be okay. let me give you hope. let me tell you that you have this girl that loves you so ******** unconditionally, and trusts you with everything. let me tell you the pain doesn't last forever. let me make you believe it only gets so much better from here. let me hold you to sleep. nobody wants to be miserable and alone.
i love you, shanice.
please,
be happy.
smile, for me.
--
you're just crazy.
and i'm crazy for you.
--
love is for fools.
and i'm just fine being a fool.
;
so, she says "everyone's goin' to the party. won't you come if i come with a friend for your friend?"
i'd be so pleased to see you out of the classroom wearing the smile i'd bring you.
so, i say, "i've been scheduled to work but i'll call in, and my friend isn't busy. he'd be happy to join me. and maybe my friend and your friend will hit it off. and we will."
i was hoping to learn a few things, like do you like dishing the dirt on the whole class, or talking the big smack, or playing the fool? or wearing all the latest fashions or bucking the new trends, or wearing your old threads? i'm dying to know, do you do you like dreaming of things so impossible, or only the practical, or ever the wild? or waiting through all your bad, bad days just to end them with someone you care about, or do you like making out? and long drives and brown eyes and guys that just don't quite fit in? yeah, do you like them?
yes, i'll see you there.
--
well you said you wanted war, but nobody wants to fail the future. if you say it's too late, it's not too late.
i want to wake up on the day i found you. i want to wrap my shaky arms around you. i want to find a decent way to tell you I need to spend some time alone. i want to take this in the wrong direction.
right now, it was the words that you were gunning, for all i wanted was to let you know. just wait a second, and i'll give you what you're waiting for. or make a promise and refuse to show that things fall apart.
well you said wanted more, but nobody wants to wait forever. if you say it's too late, it's not too late. i want to show you all the things i promised. i want to give away the things i won't miss.
--
i want to hold you, and i want all your answers to my questions. i want to feel the real you.
i want your kisses.
i want you in bed.
--
oh my ******** GOD.
LMFAOO.
i give up./:
i ********' give up lmfao.
god.
just,
******** god.///:
******** you.
******** learning s**t that does ******** NOTHING.
******** trying.
******** hurting.
I. WANTED. TO. BELIEVE.
you let me down.
i saw it, but i didn't want to doubt you.
but you did.
you did, you did, you did, you did.
and ********, i just wanted to ******** CRY in ******** second period.
well, ********.
i have some amazing friends though, because i feel so ******** supported right now.
my god.
i'm okay.
i'll be okay.
but i'm giving up on you.
i think the only thing i'll still do is give you that gatorade.
--
oh my god, that call from you...
i can't believe how fast that issue came and left.
baby, i'm falling so hard, and it's impossible to stop.
don't let go.<3
--
you make me feel safe, happy, and all these gay things.
haa ha, and you have huge tits.(:
lmfaooo.c:
--
jess is coming over laterrrrrrrrrrrr.
i'm gonna try to make it work around the time my parents go out for errands.
i can't wait to get ungrounded;
she has to spend the night first thing.
i'm ready to take that next step.
--
********' hell.
i'm so ********' embarassed. that better NOT have been you. ********, ********, ********.
..but, bahahaha, i made a dope a** mistake.
smooth move, you got me.
but still, ********.
shits the game up.
maybe, it wasn't you?
because if it was, you would have had the guy laugh,
and you wouldn't have thrown your cover by revealing what the message WAS.
and just, ugh.
you know what.
i think it was you.
god, it was.
********.
********, hahaha.
NO,
i can still cover this up.
i can, really.
there's a lot of ways to work around something like this.
i'll figure it out.
--
the passion is so ********' intense.
this is what i want.
this is what i want.
this is what i want,
and what i want to spend my entire life doing.
my friends, i have found my calling.
--
i am the suuuuun!
;
i know a lot of bands have trouble with money. even some big headliner touring bands have money issues. a lot of the profits are sucked away by the recording and publishing contracts.
i realize that.
but seriously, how expensive is it to create a good image?
if you want to become successful;
- Create a decent Myspace, Purevolume, Last.fm, or 'website' website.
- Sell merchandise. Stickers, pins, shirts, hoodies.
- Put SONGS on the INTERNET.
- Create a video, even if it's just the poorest video out there.
- Take pictures of your band.
- Create even the smallest biography of your band, and listing the members works awesome.
- Get a twitter.
seriously man, interacting with your fans is SO important. it's so understandable to not update your website or blogs, but seriously, a few pictures and songs isn't that hard to do. i don't know why so many bands avoid this.
AND CONSIDERING how, in this internet age, a substantial majority of popularity is rooted from the internet.
********' s**t, i know nobody who has not found their , 500, 2000+ artists from the internet.
the internet is the ultimate publicity tool. promotes businness, clothing lines, non-profit organizations, musical artists. use it.
--
LOOOOOOOOOOOOL.
********' hell, she ********' found out.
i knew i was right.
my instincts are always right.
s**t, man.
--
excited for the new downloads;
Vanna, BMTH’s Suicide Season,
Underoath’s Lost In The Sound of Separation, MYCHILDREN MYBRIDE,
We Came As Romans, Romance On A Rocketship,
I Am Abomination, Of Machines,
London Lay Low, Miss May I,
AGRACEFUL, Broadway,
Inhale Exhale, Oceana,
I See Stars, Hurry! Let’s Go,
Sanity Is Lost, P.O.S.,
Shad, Blessed Is He,
Beyond Berlin, The Buckles,
The Crimson Armada, Lets Get It
Jump So High, Wake The Wounded,
Various Artists' Punk Goes Pop.
--
god, ******** you.
suck your ********' d**k.
trashed the entire game.
bet you feel good though.
--
it's whatever.(:
don't expect me anymore./:
--
imo;
i can see why i lot of people hate on metal.
a lot of it has no structure, making it sound like trash.
and mainstream metal is just boring. you'd have to already be into the indie scene to see the talent of the underground bands.
--
beautiful.
just so beautiful;
i've found you.
feel it.
i'm still building this city.
our city.
;
i love how, god,
i was walkin' outta class and you were there, just like, bumped into each other.
and you gave me that shy look.
i'm pretty sure all i could do was look at your face and feel my skin rush with blood.
;
my life is hope,
my life is melodic,
my life is beautiful,
my life is mine.
i am alive.
i am everything,
and i am nothing becoming something.
i grow.
i love.
i laugh.
all of a sudden, everything just brightened up. at the time you think, 'i'd almost rather be dead,' but when it passes,
you can't believe it's even you
;
i have jess.
i have the people of my life,
dorian, becca, shanice, greg, kylea, tai,
and all the the friends in between.
i feel amazed with my body.
i feel so much control of my future.
i feel accomplished everything here and now.
--
sometimes,
i just get so angsty at my parents.
it's one of those hate-love relationships.
and even though the hate just lingers for a bit;
i know for ******** sure,
i'm ******** breaking out of this ******** shell that they push me into.
this lifestyle.
this clipping of my wings.
i will ******** fly.
--
i didn't think you'd let the devil in.
i think he kidnapped you for himself.
and when monday passes and friday comes,
i will be there with a loaded gun.
--
i can't help the repeats of my words,
'cause it's one feeling that consumes me right now.
;
you're too much when you've fallen for your own name.
i think, you just outsmart the computer sometimes;
thanks for being the best student in the class;
you know i don't worry about you rachelle;
--
did you do this to me, or did i do this myself?
i know i brushed every sign.
i know i did.
i did.
beyond that visibility, i've never been better.
--
"i think you're amazing."
;
LOOOL.
"jakewolf crunk"?
oh, that's original.
but i took a hit just because the boy's swag was cute.
but haaa ha, what a plastic mess.
and his voice is ******** church girl squealy.
but even that's okay, if everything wasn't so generic.
that's what shits the whole scene stuff. all the influx of kids made it hard to find anyone legit.
--
i have a new freshman friend.
his name is justin salles,
and his face looks like a baby but he's all badass.
he has the perfect size gauges, too.
/envy.
--
"she textin' me right now, and i was all, 'b***h, i will meet you at BK at 2, and i will cut you with my fist!' hahaha!"
LOOOOOOOOOL.
wow, tai,
some parts of you haven't changed.
lmfaolmfaolmfao.
--
you don't need masturbation when you've got a girlfriend.
--
hooooly.
stick to your guns, IN FEAR AND FAITHHH,
shai hulud, stray from the path, and yadda yadda.
but holy s**t, guns & IFAF on 3/21.
that's ********' beast.
holy s**t, is that a weekend?
--
5/8;
parkway drive, mychildren mybride, stick to your guns.
oh, yum.
--
Thu Feb 12, 2009 4:43 am
i'm going to ******** kill the ******** stupid ******** idiot who thought he could just ******** THIS UP.
******** ******** YOU.
WHAT THE ********.
stupid ******** idiot.
and think you couldn't ******** tell me?
"yeah, we're going to bust your s**t up now... but problem fixed!" is that what you thought?
god, what the ********?
is that what you ******** thought?
WHAT THE ********?
how about i beat your ******** a** and sue it?
mother, ********, ********.
******** your face.
i hope you lose your ******** life.
Tue Feb 10, 2009 7:38 am
distributions, communications, marking, publishers, royalities!
********' A&R or tour managment.
lists with ******** what i should major innnn.
********, man.
greg is the ******** epic.
oh my ******** god.<3
my calling is rollinggg
Tue Feb 10, 2009 12:58 am
BLINK-182 IS ******** REUNITED.
HOLY ******** s**t.
Sun Feb 08, 2009 8:33 pm
LOL SO TIME TO SPIT SOME EGO;
i'm pretty ********' proud of how my english teacher calls me a ********' genius when he reads my writing,
and how i'm at the top like, top 25 percentile of the class.
and, i'm pretty ********' flattered that all these pretty chicks and guys wanna get with me, callin' me cute and hot and s**t.(:
and, i'm glad to be able to look back on my high school years, and just life in general, and not be one of those who associate it with distress. 'cause i've been having just, the time of ******** life.
bahahha.
Sun Feb 08, 2009 10:42 am
i remember one year ago, dr. myrick sayin' how university kids need a 4.0 plus.
and sitting there with my jaw open, thinking how freaking impossible that is, and the fact that it was even possible.
and now i'm sitting in his office discussing my 4.0 gpa.
bahahaha.
god, everything's changed in the past freaking year.
s**t, man.
it's insane.
far from the academic stuff, too. philosophically, mentally, physically, spiritually, socially. all those -allys.
Sun Feb 08, 2009 6:15 am
i don't believe "what authority states is true, must be true",
"if i make a mistake i will fail", "people will reject me if i make a mistake",
"there is only one right way".
but i am always unsatisfied by even achieving a's on grades,
i'm not even satisfied with my 4.0 gpa.
when i'm the best in something, i'm so disappointed when i'm second or less next time.
and, i'm critical of my partner because i have high standards.
idfk.
i'll look into this more.
s:
Wed Feb 18, 2009 4:14 am
winners never quit.
quitters never win.
winners never quit.
quitters never win.
winners never quit.
quitters never win.
winners never quit.
quitters never win.
i am alive,
i am real,
i am here, gun cocked,
ready, breathing, feeling.
i am so alive.
this is my life.
i have so much done,
so much ahead.
Sat Feb 14, 2009 9:43 am
remember how i wanted to be able to lay in silence, and have it mean everything?
how i wanted beautiful depth?
she has that.
Sat Feb 14, 2009 9:41 am
after a s**t day,
it's amazing to just melt in your arms.
Sat Feb 14, 2009 9:31 am
should i compromise the rep and pride i'd feel for getting into uf,
for the major of my choice?
Sat Feb 14, 2009 9:00 am
"Rachelle, would you please tell me what's wrong.
Please? So that I can try and help?
...If you even want my help that is.
I know s**t's been ******** up lately, especially because of that most complicated b***h...but please...
can we just get past this?
I'd call you but I'm at Darny's house and my cell doesn't work without my earpiece so..no luck there...
Please Rachelle...you know how hard it is for me to reach out.
Please don't turn down my hand."
stop acting like you care,
when you convey nothing but the opposite the entire day.
i am no toy to be played with.
no, not anymore.
Sat Feb 14, 2009 5:33 am
all these people had big teddy bears, and there's nothing i could buy my girlfriend lmfaoo.
well, well, well uh,
it's the thought that counts. ;D
i'm tired of feeling alone.
i'm tired of finding out more about this sensitivity stuff, like it's a mistake, like it's ******** up all my friendship,
and i hate feeling it with ******** dorian and becca. i'm tired of dorian and becca. i just want everything to be easy.
i'm tired of tai! every morning!
i'm tired of shanice not caring!
i can't believe dorian thought i ditched her? ******** what the ********?
i'm tired of ******** boring sixth period that doesn't engage my ******** skill at all.
i'm tired of dealing with ******** CLUBS, SPORTS, A 4.0 GPA ALL THE WHILE ******** KEEPING UP WITH FRIENDSHIPS, AND ABOVE ALL THAT, ******** SATISFYING MY PARENTS!
I'M TIRED OF FEELING ALONE!
I'M TIRED OF BEING ******** GROUNDED, JUST SO MY PARENTS CAN BE HAPPY, LIKE THEY DON'T THINK I LEARNED MY ******** MISTAKE ALREADY?
i'm tired of dealing with leaf.
and i'm ******** tired of thinking about you, every ******** day,
like how we finally ******** cut it off with closure, and then you had to ******** come back with a vengeance, LIKE I DESERVED -THAT-! like i'm just the biggest ******** c**t, like you never loved me, like you don't even care! why couldn't we just leave it as it is? why did you have to satisfy your pride? i don't go around telling how much i loved ******** steph, how better jess is than you, i could expand on all the little shits you did, but i dont! because that would HURT! AND I DONT WANT TO HURT YOU, I STIFLED ALL THE LITTLE INTERJECTIONS FOR THOSE LAST FEW MONTHS, BUT YOU HAD TO GO AND DO THAT! YOU HAD TO!
i'm tired of feeling so ******** afraid, all the ******** time when i'm alone in the house, just because i'm afraid of ******** demons and the ******** dark. i'm tired of living this way, all the time, being afraid of even walking to the ******** school bus.
i'm tired of this ******** anxiety of all these mistakes. like, i freak the ******** out when the thought comes. it makes me ******** shake. it's ALWAYS there. it's the one feeling that's ALWAYS BEEN THERE. ALWAYS ******** HAUNTING ME. LIKE I CAN'T ******** RUN.
i'm tired of ******** wanting to ******** and all i have is porn.
i'm tired of wanting to make love with a girl and all i have are ******** memories of YOU.
i'm tired of having ******** 4 to 5 hours of sleep just to do all my homework.
i'm tired of being tired.
i'm tired of leaving.
i'm afraid of everyone else leaving.
i'm tired of feeling so hurt, and not being able to be at peace because of it.
i'm tired of ******** god.
i'm tired of having no energy to even work out.
you have to keep up with all this s**t. your health, your girlfriend, your friendships, your ******** school, your ******** clubs and sports for ******** college because thats WHAAAT THEYYY THINKKK DEFINESS A GOOOOD STUDENTTT, of parents, of ******** religion, of ******** inner issues.
and now, i'm just...
Fri Feb 13, 2009 6:48 am
who am i, and what have i done?
bury my hands to face, because i don't know why i keep making these mistakes,
and i don't know how to say sorry.
i don't know.
i don't know.
i need help.
Thu Feb 12, 2009 5:38 am
loooool, i just love being affectionate with you.(:
it's all warm and gay and s**t, and i just love you.
Fri Feb 20, 2009 6:16 am
oh my ******** god.
i'm about to cry.<3
Fri Feb 20, 2009 6:13 am
******** hell, i ******** enamore this song,
and totally reaches at my heart, and all that gay s**t;
if i should stay, i would only be in your way.
so i'll go, but i know i'll think of you every step of the way.
bittersweet memories, that is all i'm taking with me.
goodbye,
we both know i'm not what you need.
i hope life treats you kind.
and i hope you have all you've dreamed of.
and i wish you joy and happiness,
but above all this,
i wish you love.
and i will always love you.
i will always love you.
Fri Feb 20, 2009 4:59 am
i fantasize of you.
i dream of the future.
Fri Feb 20, 2009 4:58 am
i've never seen a school building flood until today.
it was ******** bedlam, bahaha.(:
Fri Feb 20, 2009 4:57 am
"give you hell", well,
i saw your face,
and it was the farthest thing from hell.
i kept hearing myself aw.
Fri Feb 20, 2009 4:55 am
and i'm telling you, i live for this moment. these feelings.
there's no where else i'd rather be. there's nothing else i could need to make me feel more whole and more happy. and if there is, i will find it.
;
i think he does it to remind me.
he doesn't want me to let it go.
always there...
..i'm not supposed to forget?
i will believe in you.
Wed Feb 18, 2009 4:28 am
and you'll sing
Wed Feb 18, 2009 4:25 am
you make me feel beautiful about my entire self.
Wed Feb 18, 2009 4:21 am
i don't even have any financial problems right now.
haha not anymore.(:
Wed Feb 18, 2009 4:20 am
i got my girl.
i got my friends.
i got my best friends.
i got my self concept.
my calling.
my identity.
i'm on the way to university of florida.
clubs, sports, 4.0 gpa.
balanced family relations.
responsibilities and parties.
physical. spiritual.
everything's just so right.
and it's not just a recent phenomenon.
my whole life is pretty much the greatest gift, and i couldn't be any more grateful.
really?
things could be so much worse,
but i've been endowed with something amazing.
thank you, god.
i don't know man.
i feel a lot of things right now.
Mon Feb 23, 2009 4:44 am
every good thing has its drawbacks, like food!
some things are so delicious but so bad for your health. if it weren't for health and fitness, i'd pig out every morning.
and cigarettes with their diseases.
and sex with its STDs.
and love with its vulnerablity of pain.
concerts/music mean going ear-deaf and possiblity of injury.
haha on oprah they're saying that talking extensively on the cell phone increases vulnerability to brain cancer by a bit.
Mon Feb 23, 2009 2:12 am
mercy mercedes' "the perfect scene" reminds me of why some powerpop bands are still legitimate.
Sun Feb 22, 2009 2:27 am
i hate it.
it disgusts me.
i'm not weak.
i'm strong...
Sun Feb 22, 2009 2:26 am
she touched the one god damned thing i never wanted to share with anyone.
the one thing i haven't even told shanice or amy.
i haven't told it to anyone.
i haven't even said it on dls.
whenever it comes to my mind, i freak out and push it away.
that's why i hung up the phone.
i wanted to slap you.
but i'm sorry, because it's unfair, because you don't even know what you did.
i want to be mad at you,
but really, i'm mad at myself for who i am.
Sat Feb 21, 2009 7:47 pm
and apparently i needed 20 hours for BETA this year?
and i'm going to need 10 hours of tutoring for NHS.
and i don't think i've even kept up with PM as much as i should have.
but seriously, it's not even on the school's ******** website.
but then, the teacher's office is right next to my third and sixth period./:
ah.):
i hate this.
lmfaooo i hope it wasn't today..s:
Sat Feb 21, 2009 7:44 pm
managing my time is becoming hell.
but i can do this.
Sat Feb 21, 2009 7:41 pm
i'm gonna tell my mom that, what i want for my birthday this year is to be ungrounded):
Sat Feb 21, 2009 7:40 pm
i can't believe i booked tutoring and teacher assignment on the same day.
what was i thinking?
********./:
maybe she won't need it that day.
blah, and the peer mediation meeting!!
maybe it's not today, but why didn't i check in?
******** my a**.
why did i do this to myself?
all this community service s**t is lame.
if uf doesn't even have my major, all of it's a waste of time.
Sat Feb 21, 2009 12:29 am
to whom will know this was written for her;
until whatever comes whenever,
i will leave you to love you from afar.
as a face in the hallways or on the streets, you'll mean something more.
and i can never really be lonely
knowing i had a love
like ours.
Fri Feb 20, 2009 6:22 am
if i was born in an older era,
i'd be part of the love revolution,
like a flower kid,
or part of the eighties punk movement.
bahaha.
Wed Feb 25, 2009 1:32 pm
i'm sorry i still dream about her.
it's not a choice i can make.
;
in the end, all you've got are memories.
later on all you'll keep are the greatest ones.
i look forward to that moment.
that moment where everything in retrospect is a velvet sunset in the rear mirror of your car.
Wed Feb 25, 2009 1:29 pm
would you give me another chance?
or is bad timing really a hard thing to overcome?
i would wait.
...i think i would wait.
i don't know, there's only one person i would wait for.
Wed Feb 25, 2009 1:28 pm
LOL AND
on the ride home before it happened,
i daydreamed about us making ******** hot love, you kissing my neck, moaning, being all over me.
i think the worst feeling of all of this is the pity i have over myself.
i'm such a ******** up.
i should give up love.
Wed Feb 25, 2009 1:24 pm
i hope she doesn't feel cocky about me.
"oh, i won, you lost, hahahaha loser. now let me make out with your ex in front of your face."
because, that's how i'd feel.
that's how i've ******** felt after winning out 'competition'.
stupid, isn't it?
hypocritical, isn't it?
karma has a sour taste.
Wed Feb 25, 2009 1:22 pm
i miss you.
i love you...
will you get joy from my misery?
if there's anyone that can be happy from this, i hope it'll be you.
Wed Feb 25, 2009 1:20 pm
at first i was just surprised that chick was actually bisexual/lesbian.
i didn't even see it coming.
it was a ******** train and i didn't see it coming.
why the chick in my first period though?
why someone in my own ******** class?
if she makes you happier
than i did...
i just feel like she much be so much better than me.
maybe this is only happening because of what i did.
Wed Feb 25, 2009 1:15 pm
you were the coldest i've seen you be.
and i can't believe how awkward things will be,
haha and when you walk by holding her hand.
******** this s**t i can't even walk the ******** away, 'cause you told me not to 'cause it won't fix anything.
i can't ******** believe this.
i can't ******** believe you.
i can't believe i ******** loved you.
i'm so sorry at myself for doing all of this.
Wed Feb 25, 2009 1:14 pm
********, ********, ********!
"you ******** yourself over rachelle, haha, you really made a mistake this time, and now you've lost me."
i felt like ******** s**t right there.
god, and i feel so ******** jealous.
i wish i could get over it already and say to her, "i'm glad you make her happy."
god, i can't even believe you're THIS ******** mad.
god, ********!
first time i open myself up and look where it got me.
******** myself.
god, i've felt miserable since 9PM.
i haven't even ******** slept.
god what the ********./:
on deadline week too.
ha ha.
god.
i only did that because i didn't want to open my ******** heart at the time, why can't you understand that?
i wasn't ******** ready!
i wasn't ******** ready!
Mon Feb 23, 2009 4:50 am
i actually have an a in chemistry now. bahaha.
and this project is really, really easy.
what's funny? i'm having more trouble with the ******** psychology project, which i've had a 92-102 in all year.
i'm really not comfortable with it./:
;
why wasn't i with you?
because i'm grounded.
would i have been with you?
yes, because i'm your best friend.
no, because i'd have to ask you.
no, because you've got your friends into hating me.
two beats one.
happy birthday.
Thu Feb 26, 2009 4:09 am
you know, when i'm so ******** miserable,
i find myself laughing just as normally and smiling just enough.
i'd like to think it's a part of me that pushes forward torwards positivity. like strong.
i could have succumbed completely today.
fhgklfsh i don't even want to think about today.
god.
i ******** hated seeing you rub her in my face.
and you're -this- ******** mad at me?
aren't -you- supposed to be happy?
closure needs to come soon.
closure needs to come real soon.
this isn't a beautiful tragedy like the other.
this is just a damn tragedy.
Thu Feb 26, 2009 4:06 am
this is what you have to do to get in the ******** best schools.
******** high ******** gpas and a trillion comm. service to ******** your brains out.
i don't need to ******** "prove" i'm "well-rounded."
why the ******** is that going to benefit your school anyway?
ten thousand kids, everyone's going to be different.
god, ******** this.
Thu Feb 26, 2009 4:04 am
there really isn't enough ******** time in the day to do everything i need to do.
looks like i'll have to cram again./:
seriously?
sleep is ******** stupid.
i'm tired of failing to do something because i'm too damn sleepy to do it.
what if i never had to sleep?
i'd get hours of homework done during the night.
******** off during the afternoon.
it'd be great.
;
THE ONLY ******** HIGHLIGHT OF MY DAY WAS SEEING YOU.
THE ENTIRE DAY WAS ******** MISERABLE.
Wed Feb 25, 2009 4:03 pm
dude ******** it man lmfao.
nothing can bring me the ******** down lmfao.
god, just, ******** it!
whatever she has to tell me, i don't care man lmfao.
just.
hahahah god just i am not going to be brough the ******** down.
i'm not a ******** toy.
and i'm not ******** weak.
just ******** it!
haha!
Wed Feb 25, 2009 2:33 pm
i'm still surprised she likes girls....
lmfaooo.
she's a cutie though.
i'm sure she's great.
Wed Feb 25, 2009 2:12 pm
i held your hand, and sat there knowing we would make it through.
i've never felt so safe.
i guess i don't have that now.
but maybe you're the one i'm supposed to fight for.
Wed Feb 25, 2009 2:01 pm
you KEPT on saying her name.
that better be a reason to make me jealous rather than to show off spite.
i just wanted to tell you to stop!
she's so great, isn't she?
Wed Feb 25, 2009 1:55 pm
you know what's really -********- funny?
she said the exact ******** thing amy said.
hahahahha apparently i'm still the same old ******** up.
apparently i'm just sludging through the same god damn circle.
haha.
******** pathetic.
but no, i have ******** changed.
you had no right to say that about me.
you're ******** wrong.
i don't need to show you that.
Wed Feb 25, 2009 1:51 pm
i'm not heartbroken, but i feel heartache.
there's a difference.
but i've felt ******** heartbroken.
i didn't get that attached to become broken.
Wed Feb 25, 2009 1:47 pm
i'm sorry this happened.
i'm sorry i'm still in love with her.
that's something i told you about from the first day.
i can't let go of that, and that's something you said you'd deal with, because i was worth it.
Fri Feb 27, 2009 3:07 am
i've taken a liking to cursive.
Fri Feb 27, 2009 3:05 am
looooool.
guess who told me you're going to break up with her.
but you know, i don't even care.
i'm seeing a side of you that's not making me miss you.
Thu Feb 26, 2009 3:51 pm
dashboard confessional.
i sang this song for you.
who am i gonna sing for now?
who's gonna warm my heart?
i am many things right now,
including heartached.
but i am not without hope.
love will come again.
Thu Feb 26, 2009 3:49 pm
i don't want to feel alone.
Thu Feb 26, 2009 3:47 pm
i thought that i could fight for you and win.
maybe i could.
but you know what, i don't feel it.
i don't feel like
you're the one i'm supposed to fight for.
goodbye.
i can't believe this is over.
Thu Feb 26, 2009 3:46 pm
today they will shower me with bullets,
and i will be born alive.
remember the devil and god will catch you by surprise.
last night feels like a dream,
but then how'd i end up on the battlefield?
i am of life,
and i will haunt all your dreams.
Thu Feb 26, 2009 3:45 pm
looks like i'll have to take your number off.
and actually take your number off.
because you're actually never going to talk to me again.
Thu Feb 26, 2009 3:44 pm
i put myself in these situations by choice.
yesterday i almost forgot why.
but then i remembered you.
Thu Feb 26, 2009 4:15 am
i didn't think heartache would come so soon.
really, i didn't.
kinda sprung up on me, little ******** b*****d.
i want to yell at god for this.
he did this.
he's done everything.
he made me lose everything.
seriously, what have i had in the past years of my life?
becca?
i have shanice, but it's only for two years.
you gonna take them away from me too, god?
take everything i have?
you just want me to rot in hell?
so i can feel a ******** black hole in my heart all the ******** time?
sorry i'm a sinner.
sorry i ******** everything up.
no, you can't bring me the ******** down.
i won't be brought down by an immovable force.
this is my ******** life.
i just want to be happy.
Thu Feb 26, 2009 4:11 am
WHO AM I GOING TO CALL TO CHEER ME UP TONIGHT?
WHO AM I GOING TO LEAN ON TONIGHT?
NOT YOU.
NO, BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE THAT ANYMORE.
YOU MADE ME FEEL SO SAFE.
& that wasn't yelling, just frustration.
don't tell me that i did this to myself.
if you weren't such a jackass you'd see it's not.
this is not my fault.
this is not my god damn fault.
Fri Feb 27, 2009 4:04 am
you keep me like a jacket in the winter.
and even though this hurts, you're going to miss me when i'm gone.
Fri Feb 27, 2009 4:02 am
objective musical taste
is like
an oxymoron.
Fri Feb 27, 2009 4:01 am
i like to play with thoughts and memories.
a kind of 'what if,' thing.
like last year at the poetry show.
did you follow me to the bathroom or were we both looking to melt the tension?
i could have turned off the lights.
i could have locked the door.
i could have let you kiss me,
and when that happened,
it would have never stopped.
but that was lust, and that was then.
what if that happened now?
what if i cheated on her with you?
it would have been beautiful.
and i've come to learn it's never too late.
but no.
i'm never cheating
again.
i already fought months for redemption.
Fri Feb 27, 2009 3:57 am
greg says they're going to rewrite #7 and make it acoustic, and stretch it for 11 minutes long.
that's going to be ******** sweet.
;
you're stupid.
you're being especially stupid right now.
well, maybe i like
stupid.
Fri Feb 27, 2009 3:55 am
i got their new ep;
1. the thorn
2. the space between your hand and mine
3. sadomasachist
4. polypropylene
5. overlapping seconds
6. a place in sweat
7. be bold ida, be bold
8. lola loves
9. i am my ex's ex
b-side;
1. find her at the airport
2. little beauties
3. daniel, it's time to get down
4. we drew conversation
i especially like the vocals.
i've never heard anything so rich and real.
this is inspiration in sound wave form.
Fri Feb 27, 2009 3:51 am
they fell for our fake IDs.
today you actually smiled at me.
Fri Feb 27, 2009 3:47 am
oh.
now i recall why teenagers are looked down on.
Fri Feb 27, 2009 3:46 am
the man tells me it's not fair.
told me words of love and lies.
Fri Feb 27, 2009 3:41 am
i would sacrifice anything for andrew.
i admire him greatly.
Fri Feb 27, 2009 3:38 am
andrew is nothing but perfect.
i couldn't ask for a different brother.
--well, it'd be totally cool if he was into the same stuff i was.
but seriously, my brother is ******** amazing, and that boy is destined for ******** everything.
he's so much stronger than i am.
he's so driven.
he's so silly and witty.
he's such a genius.
he's the golden kid of this family.
he can do anything.
and he's such a physically and mentally disciplined guy.
if it weren't for him, i would not be inspired to achieve at all. i'd be a whorish stoner.
Fri Feb 27, 2009 4:46 am
uh
why
is
everyone calling me?
Fri Feb 27, 2009 4:43 am
she called me.
she sounded sorry.
hahahaha "we need to talk."
"call me back after seven?"
"okay..."
LOL SO,
IS THIS GOING TO BE "WHAT YOU WERE GOING TO TALK TO ME ABOUT BEFORE FIRST PERIOD"
?
BECAUSE LOL,
I SET MYSELF UP THAT MORNING.
Fri Feb 27, 2009 4:38 am
SHE CALLED ME.
OH MY GOD.
here comes the apology, the make-up, the mistake...
..like i said.
love is for fools.
Fri Feb 27, 2009 4:31 am
yes, tina told me.
and yes, i was posting about tina.
but i didn't cheat on you, with tina.
and she told me colder things than the words that already broke your heart.
wanna hear them?
Fri Feb 27, 2009 4:22 am
i'm a little crazy,
i'm a little foolish,
i'm crazy and foolish for you.
Fri Feb 27, 2009 4:20 am
i filled her into my mind to get over you.
now,
i find myself dreaming of you to get over her.
the displacement is effective.
Fri Feb 27, 2009 4:18 am
we were
sand.
we were
bullets.
Fri Feb 27, 2009 4:15 am
yes,
i know you read my posts.
and i know you know what i posted about you.
why do you think i ******** wrote them?(:
i can be the b*****d too.
don't expect some backfire for all the s**t you did.
Fri Feb 27, 2009 4:13 am
you know,
i'm regretting
what i
texted
you.
..
Fri Feb 27, 2009 4:11 am
today they will shower me with bullets, and i will be born alive.
remember the devil and the god will catch you by surprise.
if last night feels like a dream,
how did i wake up on battle sidelines?
Fri Feb 27, 2009 9:34 am
i used to be immature, unoriginal, and small, like you.
i'm not sure if that should make me sympathetic or pitiful.
but i'm leaning torwards the latter.
Fri Feb 27, 2009 9:24 am
i can't wait to feel your kiss again.<3
Fri Feb 27, 2009 9:23 am
i'm glad you came back.
i had to mute the phone to... hide my giddiness.
it's like how avery said.
"sorry."
Fri Feb 27, 2009 9:19 am
do you have any idea how much i miss you?
do you have any idea how much i love you?
Fri Feb 27, 2009 9:15 am
leaf could be promising.
Fri Feb 27, 2009 9:14 am
it's not ******** up that you give up.
your standards are your standards.
but when you through a fit and saying it's too hard, you had to do this last night and this and your boyfriend this.
seriously? toughen up. it's pathetic.
i don't know why i even offered you tutoring.
you didn't stick with that either.
Fri Feb 27, 2009 9:08 am
the lust is immoblizing.
Fri Feb 27, 2009 4:50 am
okay, seriously,
if this is anything like i think this is, i definitely got my hopes up.
Fri Feb 27, 2009 4:49 am
okay.
shanice just called me.
she said it's about you.
and
then she hung up and got rlyyy depressed.
like abruptly.
all i got out was "hello".
and this was right after your call..
there's something
going on
?
Fri Feb 27, 2009 11:13 am
i could give you all the reasons.
i could be the instigator and the martyr.
but who am i to change your life?
i would fight you, tai.
i'd fight you,
but not for the same reasons you fight.
anger equates to action of violence for you.
maybe it's a matter of emotional intelligence, maybe it's a matter of personality and lifestyle.
i'll fight when it means something.
Fri Feb 27, 2009 11:08 am
hate brought me nowhere.
there were no options.
i had to adapt, when i wanted to be in control.
Fri Feb 27, 2009 11:04 am
what do you feel when there's no words left to capsulize the feeling?
Fri Feb 27, 2009 11:03 am
You have changed so much. And not for the better. {quote}
Fri Feb 27, 2009 11:02 am
we can be pretty damn insensitive.
it's called skepticism.
Fri Feb 27, 2009 10:55 am
i will love you for all the days and nights.
i will love you for the rest of my life.
i have loved you when my love broke me.
Fri Feb 27, 2009 10:01 am
dj's a real nice guy.
he and i-- we took 'em out to the square.
&& we got high.
the man tells me it's not fair.
told me words of love and lies.
&& how i take more than my own share.
shouted i know how to live my life.
throwing immaturity into the air.
showed him my scars.
feet shed the dust on memory-worn steps.
he walked the many steps into my heart.
i took the elevator && the love raged like a roar
i wanted to throw the sun and carve
a life full of meaning for us four.
Fri Feb 27, 2009 9:58 am
it is
of many things.
;
"me and her, we don't talk very long. but when we talk, we have like, amazing conversations. y'know?"
Fri Feb 27, 2009 9:50 am
god damn fake b*****d wasn't fake.
Fri Feb 27, 2009 9:45 am
i don't know whether to attribute the feeling to hope.
because if it's hope, it's care,
and if it's care, it's rooted it weakness.
Sat Feb 28, 2009 4:58 am
the highlight of tonight is your call.
and you call after sevennn.(:
;
this morning started out really interesting.
i'm not sure which part of it made it special.
it feels really magical in retrospect.
huh.
odd.
there's something...
Sat Feb 28, 2009 4:56 am
god!
i'm in love!
Sat Feb 28, 2009 4:54 am
ugh.<3
;
and it's so vulnerable,
it's
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