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idk...i didnt eat much today...my dad got pissed off at me over nothing. i just wanted to take my own life today. i wanted to kill myself so bad. but i didnt because i didnt know how. so i just kept writing suicide notes. then i thought, maybe i can cut myself to death because i'll be bleeding. i used to be cutter. but i have my relapses. i just screwed it up today. yes. i cut myself. but it was 6 little cuts that bled for like 5 seconds. i was 2 months clean. i thought i stopped. i guess i havent. the longest ive gone was like 8 months. then i screwed it up. a lot. i made a few deep cuts. also, today, i was thinking a lot. i have been thinking my friends pretend to care about me. i mean, who would care about a pathetic, cutter like me? really. then some of my friends say that if i cut again, they are gonna hurt me. well, thats not helping me because that makes me really depressed and proves my theory even more and makes me wanna cut more and bring me closer to my demise. why does everyone wanna hurt me mentally/physically. i guess deep down inside no one cares about me. i think they just care because they have to. not because they want to. i also think deep down inside too, they want me dead. everyone would be so much happier if i wasnt around. yes. maybe i should really kill myself. i feel so unloved. i dont think i have been loved either. i think everyone is just pretending and lying. i mean who would love such a horrible person like me? no one. thats great. nobody loves me. nobody cares about me. nobody believes in me. everyone wants me dead. thats what they truly want. it just depresses me to know that. im the most terrible, pathetic person in the world. nobody should have to deal with me. i'll do them a huge favor and kill myself. i will die a slow death. feeling the pain from the cold metal blade. that way, everyone's happy. plus, my dad pretty much hates me. he gets mad at me a lot. he's most likely mad that i havent died yet. one more reason to kill myself. my brother most likely hates me too. he hits me a lot. another reason to kill myself. i just should be alive. again, everyone would be so much happier if i died. i guess i'll have to go...
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