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another bad day.

so today sucked.
it ******** sucked. if you wanna know the whole story,
then email me or myspace me or im me. whatever works.
but to sum it up? i couldn't deal with anything anymore at lunch
and i got up and left and went for a walk in the school, no one
cared or asked where i was going, and i found a push pin
or safety pin, thumbtack whatever on the ground and went into the bathroom,
locked myself in a stall, and bursted out crying and just cut myself, for the first
time in awhile. i couldn't handle anything anymore. no one cared. literally,
no one cared. I'm always going to be second best. I'm always going to be
not as pretty as the girl standing next to me. I'm always going to be the stupid
one. I'm always going to be less funny than her. And in the bathroom today,
truthfully I was terrified..so terrified i started shaking( well thats partyl cause i havent eaten in awhile),
i'm scared cause no one knows how to help me. absolutely no one, and personally
i don't think anybody wants to. no one listens to why i cut or why i'm depressed. no one.
and i want him to listen more than anyone. I have a reason for every cut I've ever brought upon
myself. I have a reason for every time I ever od'd. I have a reason for everytime i ever drank.
but no one wants to hear it. and truthfully? I was so fed up today that i almost just ended
everything.
and i'm not even kidding..that's the part that terrifies me.