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� I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

� There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

� Life is sexually transmitted.

� Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

� The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

� &nb sp; Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

� Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

� Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

� All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

� In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal..

� How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

� Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?'


� If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

� Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?


� If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

� If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

� Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

� Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

� Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

� Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email address?